


Where the Heart Is Now

by staringatthesky



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Issues, Multi, Pregnancy, Siblings, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-09-02 15:31:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 62,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16789726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staringatthesky/pseuds/staringatthesky
Summary: Because sometimes family is what you make it, and home is where the heart is...and even when you grow up it doesn't always get simpler. A sequel to Where the Heart Is, where it's ten years down the line and Emmett is learning a whole lot more about love and what exactly can go into making a family.





	1. Letter #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Okay, I’m back with something of a sequel for Where the Heart is! I really wanted to write this as a way to say thank you to the people who were so amazingly supportive of that story, with reviews and comments and recommendations and messages. You know who you are, and you rocked! So I really wanted to do something for you and answer the question of what happened next…so here’s Where the Heart Is Now. 
> 
> A couple of things - it’s not going to be as long as the first story, it really is just some extra scenes that basically grew beyond what I had first intended. It’s also about pregnancy and touches on abortion and adoption, and I want to say right up front that I’m not pushing an agenda – it’s a story about choice, and the choices the characters in this story make are what I feel would be true to their characters and the situation. After all that…mostly I just want you to enjoy it, and I hope you love grown up Emmett and an (almost) grown up Monkey as much as I do. ~ Rebecca

_I know you’re there._

_I can feel you, which is madness. You’re the size of an apple seed, hidden deep down inside me, but the weight of you is like the whole world sitting on my shoulders._

_I don’t want you._

_I’m sorry. I know that I’m the one who let this happen, and it’s not your fault at all that you exist, but I don’t have it in me to do what you would need from me. This wasn’t supposed to happen now._

_Go away. Go away. Go away._


	2. Alice's News

“Emmett?” Lainey pokes her head into my studio. “Edward’s here.”

“Okay, if he could just wait out there that’d be great,” I say. I’ve been doing a chest piece on a woman who’s sitting in my chair with most of her breasts out; she might not appreciate Edward strolling in to say hi. “I’ll only be five more minutes.” I smile at Lucy and gently smear the completed tattoo with ointment. “Sorry, my brother’s just turned up. This is done…want to take a look?”

I can see the relief on the client’s face. She’s been a trooper, but I could tell that this one hurt. Her smile when she stands in front of the mirror and looks at her new art makes it all worthwhile though. “It’s gorgeous!”

“You’re happy with it?” I grin. “I think it came up really well.”

“Happy? Yes, it’s just…wow.” Lucy can’t stop smiling. “I love it!”

“Photo?” When she nods I grab my phone and take snap a couple of pictures to keep for my records. “Thanks. Let me wrap it up now and sort you out with your aftercare instructions.”

The shop has a printed handout with all the advice on it, but I go quickly through it with the client anyway. Given my own tendencies, I never rely on anyone else actually reading something I give them. Even though it’s not Lucy’s first tattoo and she probably knows what she’s doing, the better she cares for her new ink the better it will settle and I’m always conscious that it’s my work out there on display and my name on the line.

Once Lucy leaves Edward comes in and collapses into the big chair, closing his eyes in exhaustion. “Hi.”

I get to work on my clean up routine. “Hey…damn, you look rough.”

Edward runs a hand through his hair, which is already so rumpled he’s really rocking the mad scientist look, and opens his mouth in a jaw-breaking yawn. “Thanks, you’re always so complimentary…but residency is rough. I was in surgery for about nine hours last night, trying to put some man back together after a motorbike accident, and I didn’t get any real breaks today.”

“Well sit back, relax…let me draw on you,” I suggest with a grin. “Don’t you think Dr Cullen Junior would really start to stand out with some nice facial ink?”

Edward laughs without opening his eyes. “Emmett, you’ve been doing this for what…nine years? And for nine years you’ve been badgering me to let you tattoo me and for nine years I’ve been saying no…give it up!”

I shake my head sorrowfully. “The ingratitude of you! Do you know what I’m charging now? What my waitlist is like these days? And yet here I am offering to do whatever you want for free, no waiting time, my best work…and you’re turning me down?”

“I’ll tell you what, you let me do a couple of surgeries on you, just for practise, and I’ll consider it,” Edward yawns.

“It’s embarrassing, is what it is,” I say indignantly. “Here I am trying to make a name for myself, and even my own family won’t let me work on them! You, Rosalie, Carlisle…absolute acres of virgin skin and nothing! At least Esme let me. And Alice won’t stop asking me but she’s only seventeen and I’ll be damned if I do any work on her before she’s twenty-five at this rate. She’s so fickle she can’t even commit to someplace to meet for a coffee, let alone any permanent body mods…where are we actually supposed to meet her?”

“At the diner over on Greens Road,” Edward answers. “She said someone was going to drop her off after play rehearsal.”

It’s an odd choice for Alice, but I shrug it off and switch on the autoclave. “Okay, I’m good here. Let’s go.”

Jonah, my mentor and boss, is sprawled out on the sofa at the front of the shop, going over some sketches with Lainey, the apprentice. I wave goodbye as I pass, and then Edward and I get into my Jeep and I head off across town.

“How’s Bella doing?”

“She’s wondering if she made a mistake choosing to put her PhD off this year to teach again,” Edward says. “Financially it made sense to have her work another year, since my residency isn’t really lucrative and we had a lot of medical bills to pay off from last year. She wasn’t sure she was ready to go back to study yet either, but teaching high school English again might have changed her mind on that.” He laughs and then asks, “How’s Rosalie?”

“Great. Working hard…her project got more funding, so I guess robot arms are doing good business,” I answer.

Edward grins. “Robotic prosthetics are pretty cutting edge right now and her team is at the forefront of it.”

“I know. I love telling guys at work about my biomechanical engineering wife building Terminator limbs,” I say. “Biomech tattoos are becoming really popular, so it always goes down well.”

At the diner Edward and I take a booth by the window, and ignoring his disapprovingly raised eyebrow I order a burger and some fries, while he asks for coffee.

“Do you know how many calories and how much cholesterol…” he begins as I hand back the menu.

“Do you know how boring you are?” I interrupt. “I’m fine. Healthy as a horse.”

“Yes, but you won’t be if you…”

“Oh, shut it,” I say with a sigh. “It’s the problem with you being a doctor; you see sick people everywhere! A burger isn’t going to kill me…you’re more likely to die from overwork and surviving on coffee.” I grin at the waitress as she hands us our drinks. “Thanks.”

Edward tips in a package of creamer and stirs his coffee. “Do as I say, not as I do,” he says with a sigh. “How long do you think we’ll be waiting for Alice?”

“Long enough to eat my burger and probably follow it up with pie,” I laugh, but I have to eat my words a second later when I see a motorbike with two riders cruise into the parking lot. “Or not…here she is.”

Edward physically cringes as Alice jumps off the back of the bike, pulling off the helmet and ruffling her short, spiky hair. “I hate her riding around on that thing. She’s going to get herself killed.”

“Jasper rides okay,” I say, half unwillingly. I haven’t quite made up my mind about this weird, tall dude that Alice has been dating, but I have to admit that he seems to worship the ground she walks on. “I don’t think he’d do anything that might get her hurt.”

“Even so,” Edward mutters. “I’m going to talk to Esme about it; she’s told Alice she doesn’t want her on his bike.”

I frown as Alice flips up the visor on Jasper’s helmet and kisses him. “Rosalie’s parents are going to give her a new BMW for her birthday; maybe Alice can have her old one and then she won’t want to hitch rides.”

“Maybe I can have Rosalie’s cast-off car and Alice can have mine?” Edward says with a raised eyebrow. “Unlike Rosalie, I have no problem being seen in a BMW that’s more than two years old, and it’s not as though residency pays well…”

“Shut up,” I snap. Rosalie’s parents and their money is not something I like being needled about.

Edward goes back to his coffee, and a moment later Alice skips in and slides into the booth beside me. “Hi.”

“Hey Monkey-face,” I say. “We’ve already ordered; do you want something?”

Alice jumps out of her seat like a jack in the box. “I’ll go.” She practically runs across the diner to talk to the waitress behind the counter. Even for the endlessly hyperactive Alice, this edginess is kind of unusual.

“So what’s going on?” I ask, after all our orders are in front of us.

Alice helps herself to some of my fries. “Oh, this and that…”

Edward drains his coffee and yawns again. “Come on Alice, what did you want to talk about? You know I love spending time with you, but I’ve been working for twenty-eight hours straight and I’d really like to get some sleep soon.”

“Well, it’s just…are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” Alice asks. “Something else to drink?”

“I’m fine,” he says. “Now what is it?”

Alice stirs the ice in her soda and bites her lip. “The thing is…well…I’m...kind of…pregnant.”

I choke on my burger. “Excuse me? Could you say that again? Because I thought I heard you say you were pregnant. But that can’t possibly be right, because you are only seventeen and that would be INSANE…right? Alice?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers miserably.

“Oh my god.” I lean back in the seat and stare at her. “You’re serious. I don’t believe this…what the fuck were you _thinking_?”

“Emmett, don’t.” Edward holds out his hands. “We can sort this out.”

“Sort it out? Are YOU crazy? We’re talking about a _baby_ …Jesus, Alice, how did you let this happen? What is _wrong_ with you?”

“That’s not going to help,” Edward says to me sharply. “Obviously this is not ideal, but…”

“Not _ideal_?” The waitress looks over as I unconsciously raise my voice. “She’s seventeen years old! And I know all too fucking well what happens when seventeen year olds have babies that they’re not ready for…”

“I can’t believe you’re even saying that!” Alice’s eyes are brimming with tears. “As if I would ever do anything like…like _she_ did…” Her voice chokes off and she hides her face in her hands. “I thought you’d have more faith in me than _that._ ”

“Monkey, I didn’t mean…fuck.” I take a deep breath. “Of course I don’t think you would...”

“Everything okay?” The waitress appears at the side of the table. She shoots me a look of dislike, and I realise how loud I must have been. She touches Alice’s bowed shoulder. “Hon? Can I get you anything?”

Alice raises a slightly tear stained face. “No thank you. I’m okay.”

“Could we have some water please?” Edward says. “And I’d really love another coffee.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, as soon as she’s gone. “Really, I am. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. But fucking hell…”

“I know,” she says, her eyes shimmering. “I know. I’m an idiot, but I really didn’t mean for this to happen and I don’t know what to do now…”

Then her tears overflow and whatever else I might be feeling doesn’t really matter because this is my Monkey and she’s scared and she’s unhappy and I’ll do whatever I can to fix it. Even if this time it’s only wrap my arms around her and let her sob into my chest while I stare helplessly at Edward over her head, knowing that this is one thing that I can’t do anything about it.

The waitress returns with Edward’s coffee and a jug of water, and places a piece of cherry pie in front of Alice. “There you go hon…on the house.”

Alice draws away from me, wiping her damp cheeks and smiling at the waitress. “Thank you, that’s lovely.” She picks up a fork and digs in, and the waitress smiles and ambles back to the counter.

Having spilled her secret, Alice is immediately more relaxed. “This pie is great,” she says to me through a mouthful. “You should try some.”

I think if I try to eat anything I’m going to throw up on the table. Alice is _pregnant._ After everything I’ve done to free myself from my past, to break the cycle of poverty and addiction and abuse that I grew up with, my teenage sister is pregnant. I’m terrified for her, and at the same time I’m so angry with her I feel as though I could shake her.

“Okay.” Edward takes a sip of his coffee. “Let’s figure this out. First thing…are you _sure_?”

“Yes. I bought a two pack of tests and they were both positive.” Alice studiously scrapes her plate. “I guess they _could_ be wrong…”

Edward shakes his head. “Home tests are pretty accurate. You’re really unlikely to get a false positive, and two of them…no, I’d say from that that you’re definitely pregnant. Who knows?”

“Jasper was there when I took the test.”

“And what did he have to say for himself?” I demand. “I am still not…how did this happen? You grew up with Carlisle and Esme- they talk about safe sex at the dinner table!” I shake my head. “Did you just ignore all that?”

Alice squirms. “It just happened. I didn’t plan it.”

I feel like banging my head into a wall. “Well, that’s obvious.”

“Blame is not going to get us anywhere here,” Edward says, frowning at me. “So Jasper knows. Okay. What about Mom and Dad?”

“I haven’t told them anything. I don’t want them to know.”

Alice flicks me a quick, sideways glance, and for a moment I catch a glimpse of the rawness of her fear and my heart aches. Carlisle and Esme have been Alice’s mom and dad for over ten years, they have loved her fiercely and unconditionally and never given her reason to doubt that, but as she looks at me now I see nothing but the five year old kid she was, terrified that she’s going to be rejected again and desperate for reassurance that it won’t happen.

I reach out, my fingers touching her hand as it lies on the table. “You should tell them,” I say quietly. “They love you. They’ll help you.”

“But they’ll be so disappointed in me,” she whispers miserably. “Like you are.”

“I’m scared for you,” I say, honestly. “This is…life changing, and not in a good way. You’re seventeen, and I know you don’t want to hear it but that’s how old Momma was when she had me, and we all know how that turned out. I mean, school, your whole future…”

Alice shakes her head. “I’m nothing like her,” she snaps, and the venom in her tone leaves me temporarily speechless. Alice never talks about her life from the time before she was Alice Cullen. She has in fact insisted repeatedly that she remembers nothing about Momma and what it was like, but as she looks away from me and tightens her lips I know with a sudden certainty that she’s lying about that. She remembers plenty.

“Besides,” she adds quietly, “I said that I’m pregnant, not that I’m going to have a baby.”

“How far along are you?” Edward asks.

“I don’t know,” Alice says. “I’m like two weeks late…I have an app,” she offers helpfully, pulling out her phone. I notice the familiar icon that she taps on, before she shows Edward the calendar.

“They count pregnancy from the first day of your last period, so you’re probably about six weeks. Your last period was normal?” Edward asks, scanning Alice’s log. He sounds like the doctor that he is, and I’m suddenly very glad he’s here.

She nods, looking a little embarrassed. “Yes.”

“That’s good. Six weeks is early…you’ve got choices.” Edward drums his fingers on the table. “You know what they are – you can have an abortion, or you can stay pregnant and then either parent or place the baby for adoption.”

He reaches across the table and I’m caught by the sight of our hands, all three of us touching each other. My hands big and broad, my knuckles scarred and my fingers ink stained; Edward’s hands long and narrow, delicate looking despite the strength and skill I know they possess. Next to us Alice’s hands are tiny, almost childlike with their sparkly painted nails, and I feel a sharp stab of grief.

_I thought you forgot it all, Monkey. I thought that you didn’t have to remember being hungry and hurting and afraid, that you were always going to be Alice Cullen growing up with all that privilege and safety and love, and that you’d have every opportunity in the world…what have you done?_


	3. Not Just That

“What did Jasper say?” Edward asks gently. “Did the two of you talk about what you might want to do?”

Alice wipes her eyes. “He said he’ll support me in whatever I decide to do. I know you don’t really know him very well yet, but you have to believe me that he will absolutely be right there with me, whatever happens.”

“I want to wring his bloody neck,” I can’t help muttering.

Alice’s laugh ends in a sob. “Don’t blame him. Please. I told you because I need you to help me, not because I wanted you to go all macho and avenge my honour or anything. This was my own dumb fault.”

“Plenty of blame to go around,” I say, tenderly rubbing the side of her head. “And of course I’ll help you Monkey…you know I won’t let you down. Just tell me what you need – I can beat Jasper to a pulp, or drive you to the clinic, or buy you a pack of diapers and do some babysitting. Whatever you want.”

“I don’t know what I want,” Alice whispers. “I just want this to go away.”

Edward clears his throat. “Okay, but being realistic Alice, you really need to tell Carlisle and Esme. They’ll be upset, of course they will, but they’ll support you and help you work through your options and make a decision. You’re going to need some help, whether that’s paying for an abortion or supporting you through with a pregnancy.”

“I know you’re right, but…” Alice trails off. “I can’t.”

She leans against me and I hug her again, and just for a moment it feels like it used to, when it was just the two of us looking out for each other and I was the one she could always depend on. But it’s _not_ just the two of us, and Edward is right that Carlisle and Esme need to know. They’re her parents and they love her…this isn’t a situation she should hide from them.

“I can come with you to talk to them,” I offer after a pause. “I can take you home right now and do it. Get it over with. Yeah?”

“Not now!” Alice says in horror. “I mean, I think you’re right, I should tell them, but not _today_ …”

“Tomorrow?” I persist. “Rosalie and I are coming to dinner, so I could come early or stay and talk to them with you afterwards. Delaying the inevitable isn’t going to make it any easier.”

Alice nods reluctantly. “I know, but...” She glumly scrapes the last bits of pie off her plate and then stands up. “Excuse me for a moment.” She heads towards the bathroom.

“This is fucking insane,” I mutter. “How did she let this happen?” I look over at Edward. “Is this even safe? Medically? Pregnancy OR abortion - I mean look at her…she’s a kid!”

Edward shrugs. “It’s not completely risk-free, but medical abortions are very safe and she’s well within the time frame for that. She would take a couple of pills to basically induce a miscarriage; it’s not surgical. Really, early abortion is less risky than childbirth. Of course there are risks associated with teen pregnancy if she decides to go through with it, but Alice is seventeen, healthy, and has access to excellent medical care. She’s slight, but so was your mother – Maddie – and she gave birth to you at the same age. The situation isn’t ideal, but Alice will be fine.”

“I just can’t…” For the first time in a long time, I feel my teeth biting into my knuckles. “What the fuck is she going to do? She’s a senior; she’s supposed to be going to college next year! She was going to be the first person in our family to go to college…”

“Edward, Carlisle and Esme all went to college,” Alice says, appearing at the side of the table with a scowl. “In _my_ family, everyone went to college except _you_.”

“I meant…never mind.” I should have known better than bring up Momma, or to refer to the fact of Alice’s adoption.

“Will you give me a ride home?” Alice asks. “I don’t want to talk about this any more.”

“You don’t want to talk through your options?” Edward says gently.

Alice shakes her head. “Please just take me home.”

I take care of the bill and unlock the Jeep, and it’s a sign of just how preoccupied everyone is that Alice climbs silently into the back without shouting shotgun and pushing Edward out of the front seat. None of us talk as I drive towards Carlisle and Esme’s house.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in?” I check again as I pull up at the kerb.

“I’m sure,” Alice leans her chin on the back of the seat. “Please don’t say anything to Mom or Dad until I say so.”

I bite my fist. “I won’t. But you can’t take too much time here Monkey; you have to deal with this.”

Edward and I watch her run up the walk to the front door. It’s only when it closes behind her that I bang my fists hard against the wheel and swear. “I can’t fucking believe this!”

“I know.” Edward sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment before he says, a little hesitantly. “But Emmett, you can’t take this personally.”

“What are you saying?” I start the Jeep and pull away. “Where am I taking you?”

“Back to the hospital please.” Edward looks at me. “You can’t let your history influence how you look at what’s happening with Alice now. Whether she has an abortion or has a baby, it’s not about what happened with your mother having you. I can see the similarities, obviously, I mean your mother chose to parent you when she was seventeen and that had a lot of implications but…”

“It’s not that,” I say abruptly. “Not just that, anyway…Rosalie and I have been trying for a baby. For like a year, and it’s not happening.”

“Oh damn, that’s…yes. Awkward.” Edward grimaces. “I had no idea.”

I snort. “Well, it’s not like I’m going to go around announcing it! Would you have wanted up to date reports on where Rosalie’s at in her cycle and how often we’re having sex? Because she has an app to keep track of it all, the information is all there; should I have sent out weekly emails?”

“Okay, no!” Edward’s face is mottled red. “Obviously not! But actively trying for a year without a pregnancy is a long time. You and I talk a lot and you’ve always been really open about everything…I suppose I’m surprised it never came up.”

“I guess at first I just assumed it would happen pretty quickly,” I say wearily. “We’d always made a lot of effort to be careful – more than I can say for Alice, apparently! – and after actively preventing for so long you just kind of assume that you let your guard down and she’ll be pregnant in a day. Then when it didn’t happen, and didn’t happen, and didn’t happen…it became harder to know how to even bring it up. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you.” I flick a quick glance his way. To be honest, _not_ talking to Edward about this has been difficult.

“I’m not offended,” Edward says. “Of course it’s personal. I’m just sorry that you’ve been going through it, because I know it must be really hard. How is Rosalie?”

“Not great at this point,” I admit. “You know her – she’s spent her life focussed on perfection and she’s used to achieving everything she wants through hard work and sheer force of will. Now there’s something she wants more than she’s ever wanted anything, but it’s not happening and there’s not really a damn thing she can do about it.”

My stomach tightens at the thought of Rosalie’s increasing brittleness. Deciding to try for a baby had been such a big decision; we’d both felt so sure and happy with the idea of our future together…and then nothing. It hadn’t mattered that much at first – we knew it might take a while and it wasn’t like we weren’t having fun trying. But the months had ticked by without success, and as each one ended in a period and not a pregnancy that fun and sense of optimism had drifted further and further away. Until now, when instead of it just being Rosalie and I the way it had always been, there were apps and charts and temperatures and a bathroom cabinet stuffed with ovulation tests and pregnancy tests that remained stubbornly, hurtfully negative.

“It could be something simple,” Edward says carefully. “After a year it would be worth looking into though.”

I keep my eyes on the road, rather than look at Edward. It’s hard to talk about this after so long keeping it quiet, but Edward’s my brother and best friend, as well as a doctor, and it’s a relief to be honest with him. It was never that I didn’t _want_ to talk to him. But the subject has always felt raw and personal, and Rosalie’s reluctance to talk about it has rubbed off and I’ve been hesitant to betray any confidences.

“I got my junk tested a couple of weeks ago. Rosalie’s periods are really regular, and according to all her tests and charts she’s ovulating, so I thought it was probably me and I should get checked out. It’s an easy test anyway…it’s not like it’s difficult to jerk it into a cup.” I give a half-hearted laugh. “I asked Carlisle to write up a lab order for me. Not exactly what he usually does in paediatrics, obviously! He said he couldn’t treat anything, but he’d sign off on the test and tell me the result. Turns out that everything looks normal; no reason my swimmers can’t get the job done…except that they haven’t. So that’s where that’s at.”

“Did Carlisle suggest a reproductive endocrinologist?” Edward asks. “Testing Rosalie for fertility issues is a little more involved and if you want to go down that route you’ll need a specialist.”

“Yeah, he gave me a name but Rosalie isn’t…we’re not ready to do that yet,” I say.

“It’s a big step; it’s fine to take your time to think about it,” Edward says.

“Rosalie’s having a really hard time with this,” I say slowly. “You know what she’s like; she hates anyone seeing her as anything less than perfect, and since I told her my test results were normal she’s taking this personally. She feels like there’s something wrong with her, like she’s letting me down…but that’s not how I feel at all. I keep telling her that it’s _our_ problem, not just hers, but she’s too busy blaming herself to listen to me.”

Edward nods. “Yeah, I can imagine that.”

“She had it all planned, you know? Undergrad, doing her masters, getting in on a research and development project like she has done…a baby was always next on her agenda, and it was the thing she wanted most. Honestly, we would have tried years ago but Rosalie thought she should get her career started and I should try and get established as a tattoo artist.” I shrug helplessly. “We’re all set up for this now. Rose has great maternity benefits, and even though I’m not exactly Jonah-level amazing my reputation is solid enough that I’ll be able to make my own hours and stay home part-time without losing anything.”

“So you’d stay home?”

“Probably a few days a week, yeah. It makes the most sense for it to be me; Rosalie makes more money than I do and her job isn’t as flexible. I can charge a premium to see clients at night or on weekends, and I can do most of my sketching and planning at home. Esme’s been offering to babysit imaginary grandchildren since Rosalie and I got married and I mentioned the possibility of us having kids one day, so if I do three days she might do two.” I laugh. “I think it’d be fun. Rosalie can go to work and build robot prosthetic limbs and I can stay home and build Lego and go to Mommy and Me music class and swimming lessons.”

Edward is grinning. “You’re going to be a really good dad, you know that? I mean, I’ve always known that, the way you looked after Alice, but…I know you’ll do a great job with your own baby, and I really hope it happens for you and Rosalie. When she’s ready, go to the reproductive endocrinologist and see what they can do to help you…of all the people I know, I think you deserve this.”

“What about you and Bella?” I ask, shifting focus. “Any plans in that direction for you guys?”

Edward shakes his head. “We’ve talked about it, but don’t have any plans. Bella isn’t interested yet. She wants to get her PhD before we even think about kids, and I wouldn’t want to do anything until after I’m finished with residency.”

“So years away then,” I say, turning into the hospital parking lot. “You’ll be an old man.” I chuckle.

“I won’t be that old!” Edward snorts. “But I work eighty hours a week, and I feel that if I had a baby anytime soon it wouldn’t even know what I look like.”

I pull into a temporary parking spot. “And then here’s Alice, getting pregnant in high school…fucking hell, what a mess.”

“I definitely wasn’t expecting her to say that,” Edward says.

“I still can’t believe it,” I mutter. “She knows better and she has plenty of access to birth control! I know Carlisle keeps condoms in that house that she doesn’t even have to ask for, and they’d make her a doctor appointment in a heartbeat. Damn, Carlisle would have written her out a prescription for the pill himself if she’d just opened her mouth…YOU could have written her a prescription! I would have taken her to the drugstore, or the gynaecologist, if she’d asked me, so would Rosalie or Bella. She has so many who would be on her side to prevent this kind of mess!”

“And yet here we are.” Edward sighs. “Teenagers…these things happen. People can have the best of intentions and still make mistakes. Once Alice tells Mom and Dad they can sit down and work out what she wants to do. It’s not the end of the world.”


	4. Everything I Need

Rosalie’s already home when I get there, so I park the Jeep beside her BMW and hurry up the front steps and inside. “Hey, I’m home!” I toss my keys on the sideboard and then, hearing a noise from downstairs, I hover by the open basement door. “Are you down there?”

“I’m putting on a load of laundry, I’ll be up in a minute,” Rosalie voice drifts upwards.

I don’t go downstairs. Rosalie and I have lived in my childhood home for years and I love it here, but I still avoid the basement when I can. Instead I grab an apple and go through the kitchen door to the back porch, where Clementine the miniature donkey is braying at me impatiently.

“Hello my gorgeous little beast of burden,” I say, feeding her the apple and scratching her behind her long, black tipped ears. “How are things in donkey-world?”

Clementine drools apple juice all over my knee and butts her head against my thigh. Extremely aware of how ridiculous I am, I kneel down and give her a hug, rubbing her neck and scratching her chest in the way I know she likes. The donkey was a gift from Rosalie for our wedding and I love her to a degree that’s basically embarrassing.

“I could kill you for teaching that animal to get up the steps onto the porch.” Rosalie wraps her arms around me from behind and leans against my back. “As soon as I get home she’s banging on the back door and bellowing at me to come out and feed her treats, it’s completely obnoxious.”

“I didn’t teach her, she taught herself because she’s just so smart, aren’t you Clementine?” I say admiringly. She lips at my fingers and licks the apple juice off my hand and then get to my feet, pulling Rosalie against me. “How are you? Good day?”

“Just the usual,” Rosalie says. “What did you do today? Can I see?”

I fish my phone out of my pocket and open up the folder where I keep pictures of my work, showing Rosalie the completed chest piece from the afternoon.

“It looks good. I like the birds.”

“Thanks.” I brush her hair away from her face and take a deep breath. “I saw Edward and Alice too. She called wanting us to get coffee together and, well, there’s not really any easy way to tell you this but…Alice is pregnant.”

 _Oh, my beautiful girl._ I had known that the news would hurt her, but I’m still not prepared for the depth of pain I see flash across her face. “I’m sorry, I know…”

“Don’t.” Rosalie pushes me away. “Just…don’t even fucking talk to me. Give me a minute.”

She walks to the end of the porch, and I see the whiteness of the skin over her knuckles as she grips the railings. All I want to do is grab her and hold her, but I know enough to give her the space she asked for and so I sit on the steps down to the backyard and stare down towards the river. Clementine rubs her velvety nose against my neck and then rests her head heavily on my shoulder, and I squint against the slanting rays of the setting sun.

“I’m sorry,” Rosalie says quietly some time later, sitting beside me and leaning against the shoulder that doesn’t have a donkey on it. “I could have handled that better. It was just…a shock.”

“Tell me about it,” I mutter.

Rosalie plays absentmindedly with a long piece of her hair. “What did she say?”

I snort. “That’s she’s ‘kind of’ pregnant. The ‘kind of’ pregnant that involves having had unprotected sex at some point and two positive pregnancy tests.”

“Is she very far along? Did she say what she wants to do?”

“She’s only a few weeks in, and right now I think she just wants it all to go away. She hasn’t told Carlisle and Esme and she doesn’t want to, but that’s obviously got to happen. I told her I’d back her up if she wanted to talk to them tomorrow night, since you and I are going round for dinner.” I grimace. “That’ll be a fun conversation.”

“It is Jasper’s, isn’t it? What does he say?” Rosalie says.

I shrug. “We didn’t really talk about it. She said he knows, that he was there when she took the test and he’ll support whatever she decides. I don’t know how much support he can actually _be_ though; he’s a high school senior who doesn’t even have a job, at least as far as I’m aware. Not that Alice has one either. I mean, Carlisle and Esme aren’t going to let anyone go homeless and hungry, but it’s not a great situation.”

“Alice won’t want to actually have it though, will she?” Rosalie says. “If she’s pregnant now the baby would be due in the summer. How’s she supposed to go off to college with a newborn? She’s put in applications to study costume design in California and New York and even London, and she can’t exactly do any of that with a baby in tow. She’d be mad to throw her whole future away at this point.”

“You think she should have an abortion?”

Rosalie winds a length of her hair around her fingers. “I think she needs to make up her own mind,” she says flatly. “But realistically…Alice is seventeen, and none of the current plans she has for her future are achievable if she keeps this baby. I’m not saying it’s going to ruin her life. If she decides she wants it anyway I’m sure she’ll be fine – she’s smart and creative and will have a lot of family support as well, so she’ll be able to figure out something, but it will look very different to what she’s been dreaming of. She’ll need to consider all of that.”

I shake my head. “I just can’t believe that she’s been so dumb and irresponsible! I know what it’s like to be seventeen…and damn, I had _you_ in my bed…but it’s not hard to be careful.” I inhale the scent of Rosalie’s hair and kiss her forehead. “We didn’t take stupid chances.”

Rosalie presses her lips together. “Not that it would have mattered if we _had,_ since as it turns out I can’t get pregnant anyway.”

“We don’t know that,” I say softly. “It hasn’t happened yet, but…”

“It’s been a year.” Rosalie cuts in. “That’s twelve cycles of actively trying, with all that tracking and charting and testing. I know we never missed the timing…if it was going to happen it would have happened by now.” Her voice is bleak.

“We can look into it. Make an appointment with the doctor and see what they say. _Not yet_ doesn’t mean _never_.”

Rosalie’s eyes are shiny with unshed tears. “I’m sorry. I want this so badly…but it’s not working and I know it’s all my fault. I don’t know how to make this go right, and I’m so sorry that I can’t do this for you.”

“Aww baby, no.” I wrap my arms around her and draw her closer, my heart aching. “Please don’t. This is just one of those things, and we will deal with it. Together. Because yeah, I want a family with you, I want a baby with you…but none of that is more important than the two of us. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this happen for us, but in the end it’s you that matters to me. It’s always been you…”

I can’t talk over the lump in my throat but I kiss away the tears spilling down Rosalie’s cheeks, and nothing else really matters when she kisses back. Nothing matters more than what we are together. Then the kisses turn harder and hotter, and Rosalie scratches my back deliciously as I take her down onto her back on the porch, my mouth on hers and hands touching wherever they can.

_I love you. I want you. I need you._

“Emmett…”

“Huh?” I’ve got my belt unbuckled and jeans undone, and Rosalie’s pants are halfway down her thighs, when I pull back and look at her. “What? Is this…? Do you want me to stop?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but there’s a donkey looking at me over your shoulder and it’s really off putting.” Rosalie snorts with laughter. “I want your ass, but not when your other ass is standing there watching me!”

I look over my shoulder in bemusement to see Clementine standing there, flicking her long grey ears back and forth. As soon as she sees me looking at her she blows through her lips at me, and then I’m laughing too as I scoop Rosalie up and carry her inside.

“Yes okay, fair play…but there’s no one in here but you and me.” I make it as far as the living room before my unbuttoned jeans sliding down my legs trips me up and we fall onto the sofa. Then there really is nothing but the two of us, this beautiful girl and the glorious body she’s shared with me for the past eleven years, and my overwhelming love and desire and passion for her.

“I love you,” I tell her when we’re both spent, lying in a sweaty tangle of limbs.

Rosalie kisses my neck and stretches languorously. “I love you too.”

“I meant what I said before,” I say quietly. “You and I together is what matters. We will do whatever it takes to have a baby, whatever you want…but this is enough.” I run my hand along her side and over her hip. “As long as I have you, I have everything I need.”

_________________________________________________

I drive straight to Carlisle and Esme’s house after work the next afternoon and let myself in, calling out a hello as I walk into the kitchen.

“Emmett!” Esme pushes aside what she’s doing and gives me a fierce hug as soon as I enter the kitchen. “It’s so good to see you again!”

“You saw me last weekend,” I point out laughingly, hugging her back. “I can’t stay away.”

I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and turn around just in time to catch three year old Abraham tackling my knees. “Hey little buddy!” I grab him under the armpits and toss him in the air, before holding him upside down by the ankles and swinging him side to side. “How’s my main man doing?”

Abraham, who is non verbal, hoots and laughs as I swing him the right way up again and give him a heavy pressure hug. He grins and pushes up my sleeve until he can see the bear tattoo on my bicep, which he strokes with his chubby little fingers. “Bear’s still there,” I say.

Ruthie, his twin, jumps up and down next to us. “My turn, my turn!”

I let Abraham down and toss Ruthie up high enough to make her scream, then jiggle her around upside down until she’s laughing. When I put her down, she staggers slightly and then runs after Abraham into the living room.

“They seem happy,” I say. “Any more progress there?” Esme and Carlisle have been fostering the twins for nine months now, and I’ve become attached.

Esme is arranging sliced strawberries on top of a cake that I’m hoping is slated for dessert. “It’s going really well. Their mom’s settled into her new place and has been going to early intervention with Abraham and getting on top of his therapy needs. We’re even starting to talk about tentative plans for the twins to go home, which is just wonderful news.”

“Aww, that’s great,” I say, and Esme smiles at me gently and offers me some extra strawberries.

“It is great…but you don’t have to pretend you won’t miss them!”

I laugh guiltily. “Yeah yeah…but I know it’ll be good for them to go home.” I take the strawberries and then go to the fridge and pull out the milk. “Is Alice here?”

“She’s in her room doing some homework.” Esme steps past me with her finished cake. “If you want this cake to last until dessert, make sure you fasten the baby latch on the fridge when you put the milk back. Abraham will eat anything not nailed down.”

“A man after my own heart,” I say, waiting until Esme’s back is turned and drinking from the carton. I do as she asks with the baby latch and then wander down the hall to Alice’s room and knock. “Hey Monkey. What’s up?”

Alice is sitting in the middle of her bed with a sketchbook, her laptop, and several books spread around her. “I’m doing some research for my final project; I want to design costumes for a production and make a couple of samples. I thought something historical might be fun and look really impressive, but the sewing for that is so complicated that I really need to get an early start on it.” She nudges ones of the books towards me. “See, I was looking at one of Shakespeare’s histories, Richard III, and that’s fifteenth century fashion so it would be like this…”

Looking at her, excited and animated about a school project, it’s almost impossible to believe that she’s really pregnant. That right now, there’s an actual baby growing inside her.

“It looks good.” I take her sketchbook and flip through a few pages, admiring her drawings and all the notes in her loopy handwriting.

“It’s similar to what I did for my college application project, but more involved,” Alice tells me. “It will be a lot of work, but it should be really fun.” She closes down her laptop. “Do you think Mom needs help with dinner?”

“She seemed to have it under control.” I pause. “I guess you didn’t talk to her and Carlisle last night then?”

Alice squirms. “No. You said you’d do it with me.”

“You’ll do it tonight then? I know you don’t want to, but you can’t put it off. You’re going to have to make a decision, and the sooner you do the better. Edward said that abortion is easier the earlier you do it, and if you’re going to keep it you need vitamins or something. You can’t grow a baby on pop tarts and soda, you know.”

Alice laughs a little hysterically. “As if Mom keeps pop tarts and soda in the house!” Her laughter ends in a quivery sob. “I wish this wasn’t happening.”

“Yeah, well wishing isn’t getting you anywhere,” I say with a sigh. “Do you want me to hang around and help you talk to them after dinner?”

“I guess so. Did you tell Rosalie?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“What did she say? That I’m the biggest idiot that ever lived? Oh, this is so embarrassing!” Alice covers her face. “She must think I’m so stupid! Of course perfect Rosalie would never get pregnant until she wanted to! Is she completely disgusted with me?”

“She just wants you to be okay, whatever you do now. That’s what we both want,” I say honestly. “We love you Monkey-face. Everyone does. And we’ll all want to help you through this, so you need to tell Esme and Carlisle and let them in on it.”

“I don’t want them to be disappointed in me. I don’t want them to think I’m like…like _her_ …and that’s the first place your mind went to, so you can’t tell me that they won’t think it!” Alice folds in on herself and buries her face in a pillow.

 _Momma._ She’s been gone eleven years, almost two thirds of Alice’s life, but right now her ghost looms large. History is repeating itself…but it doesn’t have to.

“They won’t think that,” I say quietly. “Carlisle and Esme raised you – you’re theirs. You always said you don’t remember…”

“I lied.” Alice raises a tear stained face. “I remember a lot, and none of it makes me happy. I always swore I would never, ever be like that. And now I’m doing exactly the same thing.”

I shake my head. “No you’re not. Having a baby at seventeen wasn’t where Momma went wrong. I mean, it didn’t help, but it wasn’t because of her age that she let people hurt us, or that she turned to drugs and let everything go. That was just her. You’re different, and I know that you would never do that. If you decide to have this baby…and I’m saying _if_ because you have a choice, you don’t have to and no one is going to judge you harshly for choosing not to…but if you decide to be a mom I know for sure that you’ll be a damn good one.” And I put an arm around her and she leans against my chest and cries.


	5. Coming Clean

When I hear someone at Alice’s door I think it’s going to be Rosalie, but the smile on my face rapidly falls off when it’s Jasper rather than my beautiful wife that walks in.

“Oh, it’s you,” I mutter with a scowl.

I have to fight the urge to launch myself off the bed and hit him. The idea of anyone having sex with my baby sister at all makes me uncomfortable enough, but the fact that this dude has not only done it but been careless enough to get her pregnant whilst doing so makes me want to smack him one.

Alice wipes her eyes and pushes my shoulder. “Be nice.”

Jasper looks uncomfortable, but he still meets my eyes and mumbles a hello. Disgruntled I get off Alice’s bed and head back out to the kitchen, pushing past him with just a touch more force than necessary.

“Stupid punk ass kid,” I say, unfortunately the same time as I walk past the open bathroom door where Esme has the twins in the bath.

“Emmett, language,” Esme reprimands me.

“Yeah Emmett, language,” Ruthie echoes, and then gives me a devilish grin. “Punk ass kid.”

I can’t help laughing, and I stop and lounge against the doorframe. “Watch it kiddo, you’ll get me in trouble!”

“What are you talking about anyway?” Esme asks me, lifting Abraham out of the bath and wrapping him snugly in a towel before she hands him over to me. “What has Alice done?”

I kneel down and start drying Abraham off. “Just her boyfriend, that’s all.”

“You don’t like Jasper?” Esme says in surprise. “I think he’s lovely.”

_You say that NOW! What are you going to think once you know he’s knocked her up?!_

I’m rescued from having to say anything else by the arrival of Rosalie, who has driven here straight from work and let herself in. As always just the sight of her makes my heart lift, and I let go of Abraham and stand up to kiss her. “Hey beautiful.”

“Rosie!” Ruthie scrambles to get out of the tub, and Rosalie kisses me back and then grabs a towel to wrap around Ruthie so she can hug her without getting all wet.

I leave them in the bathroom and take Abraham back to what used to be my room to wrestle him into his pyjamas. This involves a lot of actual wrestling, and he’s got me pinned to the floor on my belly and is bouncing up and down on my back and laughing when Rosalie and Ruthie come in for her pyjamas. She gets dressed and joins Abraham in pummelling me, until I’m begging for mercy and Rosalie has to come to my rescue. I’m almost relieved when Esme calls out for someone to come and help her set the table because dinner is almost ready.

It’s an odd meal, when we finally sit down to it. Rosalie is quieter than usual, although Alice makes up for it with a constant stream of hyperactive, almost nonsensical chatter. Jasper, who can out-eat me when he has a mind too, can’t even finish one serving and when Esme asks him if something is wrong he looks like he’s about to flee the room. I can see that Carlisle is wondering what’s going on, and I half want him to ask so we can throw down the bombshell of Alice’s pregnancy and get it over and done with. It might ruin the meal, but apart from Abraham and Ruthie I don’t know that anyone is enjoying it particularly.

I’m relieved when dinner is over. Carlisle, Rosalie and Alice clear the table and stack the dishwasher, while I help Esme get the twins’ teeth cleaned and their butts diapered and into bed. Abraham makes it very clear, despite his lack of words, that he wants me to read and even though I still don’t like reading aloud anymore than I ever did, I stretch out on the bed beside him and take the book he gives me. It’s an easy read anyway, with more animal sounds than actual words, and I obligingly read it twice before he’s willing to lie down and let me tuck him in. He puts his thumb in his mouth and I kiss him on the forehead and am reminded, heartbreakingly, of when Alice was this small and I looked after her too.

And now she’s seventeen and facing the prospect of her own baby, and even though it’s got nothing to do with me I feel like I’ve failed her.

_I wanted you to have it all, Monkey. I wanted your life to be easy…easier than mine was. We went through so much to get away from Momma and everything in that life that would have just dragged us down, and you got Carlisle and Esme and every opportunity to let yourself fly…and it’s not that you absolutely can’t do that if you become a mama now, but damn if you won’t be tying a fucking great millstone around your neck!_

Alice and Jasper are holding each other in her room, and they spring apart when they see me in the doorway.

“Bit late for that now,” I say with a raised eyebrow. “Come on Monkey, time to face the music. Living room, now…talk.”

Carlisle looks up from his phone when the three of us trail into the living room. “This looks like a delegation. What’s up?”

I flop onto the sofa beside Rosalie, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her close enough that I can lay a kiss behind her ear. Alice perches on the ottoman and Jasper sits gingerly on my other side, as far away as he can be while still being on the same sofa. I imagine what I would have felt like if I’d had to confess to Rosalie’s parents that I’d got her pregnant at seventeen and for a brief moment I almost feel sorry for him.

Almost.

Feeling the tension in the air, Esme lays aside her knitting. “What’s going on?”

Alice is wringing her hands. “I’m sorry!”

“Sorry about what?” Esme leans towards her. “Sweetie, what is it?”

Alice seems to have temporarily lost the power of speech, and looks at me desperately.

“She’s pregnant,” I blurt out. “She wants to tell you that she’s pregnant.”

For a moment there’s only silence, and stillness, and my heart lurches. But then Esme holds her arms out and Alice flies across the room and curls up on her lap like she’s still five years old, and it feels like we all start breathing again.

“Oh sweetheart…it’s all right, don’t cry, it’ll be okay,” Esme murmurs, kissing Alice’s head and hugging her tightly as Alice cries into her shoulder. “I love you. It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m so sorry,” Alice sobs. “Please don’t be angry, please…”

She sounds like a terrified child, and I squeeze Rosalie’s shoulder hard and she pats my leg. I’ve been conditioned to respond to Alice’s distress from the day she was born, but there’s nothing I can do here.

“No one’s angry,” Carlisle says. His voice sounds as calm and reassuring as ever. “This is certainly a…surprise, but we love you Alice. We’re here to help you, so let’s just talk about it.”

Eventually Alice stops crying and sits up, taking a deep, shuddering breath. Carlisle pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and reaches across to wipe her face, giving her a tender smile. “It’s okay little one,” he says softly. “You don’t need to be afraid.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you,” Alice whispers miserably.

“You couldn’t,” Esme says, kissing her forehead. “Sweetheart, no matter what, we love you and we’re always going to be proud of you.” Her eyes are glimmering with tears.

Alice’s eyes overflow again, but she manages to pull herself together after only a moment. She noisily blows her nose into Carlisle’s handkerchief and then sits up straighter on Esme’s lap, squaring her shoulders resolutely. “So.”

“So…you’re sure?” Carlisle asks, echoing the same question that Edward and I had asked. “This is not a ‘maybe’ situation?”

“No, there’s no maybe,” Alice admits. “My period was late, so I bought some tests at the drugstore. I can show you – they’re in my room.”

Carlisle rubs his chin. “No, that’s okay. We need to make some plans…do you know how far along you would be? How late is your period?”

“About two weeks. When I told Edward yesterday he said that would make it about six weeks; is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right. And that’s good, it’s early so that gives you time to think about what you want.” Carlisle glances over at Jasper. “Have you two talked about that? What are your initial thoughts?”

Jasper clears his throat. “Whatever Alice wants to do, I’ll support her completely. This is…I’m sorry. We were careless…”

“We were _really fucking stupid,”_ I mutter.

Rosalie jabs me in the ribs, making me wince. “Emmett, enough,” she murmurs, and I roll my eyes and grudgingly close my mouth.

“It was a mistake,” Jasper says. “But I’m not going to try and dodge responsibility. I’ll stand by Alice and do whatever I need to do. I’ve got some money, and I’ll get a job for more if that’s necessary.”

“What about your family?” I ask him. “Have you told them?”

“I don’t have any family.” Jasper’s voice is strained.

“You’ve got me.” Alice leaves Esme’s lap and comes to sit beside Jasper, easily fitting into the gap between he and I on the sofa. “He’s an emancipated minor,” she tells me. “I’m sure I told you this…he has his own place.”

I shrug. I have to admit that I haven’t paid that much attention to Jasper since he showed up on the scene a few months ago. Alice has dated a few boys over the years, and it never really occurred to me that my impetuous, whimsical sister was actually getting serious about one of them.

“Jasper and I haven’t made any decisions, but we’re definitely in this together.” Alice laces her fingers through his and gives Carlisle a wobbly smile.

“That’s good. It’s important that you feel supported in making such a big decision,” Carlisle says. “Both of you have got a lot of thinking to do.”

“We’ll help you with whatever choice you make,” Esme says with a quick glance at Carlisle. “If you decide that now isn’t the right time and you’re not ready, we can get it taken care of. If you decide to continue with the pregnancy we will help you work out the details about parenting or adoption. It will be difficult – either choice – but there are things we can do.”

“I don’t know how to even begin to decide about this,” Alice says. “Having a baby would change everything…”

Esme nods. “It would. We can’t gloss over that – if you want to have and raise this baby you have a lot of hard work ahead of you, and your life will go in a completely different direction to what you’ve been planning. You both need to understand that if you have a baby, that child needs to come first. You’ll have to balance what you want to do with what is best for them, and that can mean giving up a lot. Having children is immensely rewarding, but it’s not easy.”

“Finishing high school is not negotiable here,” Carlisle says to Alice. “You can do your senior year pregnant at school, or we can arrange home schooling and tutoring, but you need to get your diploma. Jasper, obviously we can’t make you do anything, but I would strongly encourage you not to let this derail your year either.”

Alice nods eagerly. “Yes, of course! Whatever…I’m not going to drop out.”

“That’s good. Especially because I know you both want to go to college.” Carlisle rubs his chin, and I can almost see his mind working over this new problem. “Even if you have the baby, I think you should both continue to aim for college. You wouldn’t be able go away and live in the dorms with an infant…maybe we can find other housing options, but studying and childcare would be tough to juggle, especially with a newborn. You might have to think about looking at local colleges, and maybe even part time hours, at least for the first year or two. It wouldn’t be easy, but we will help you figure out how to make it work if you want to do that.”

“But costume design…I can’t do that here,” Alice says quietly. “It’s not just that I wanted to go to New York, but there aren’t any good programs nearby.”

Carlisle nods. “It’s something you’ll have to think about. You might need to do some research into different programs and perhaps consider other career ideas. But I want you to go to college. Education is so important, and a college degree will give you so many more options. There are other pathways for careers of course – look at Emmett, for one – but starting off with a baby in tow is a handicap and I don’t want to see you caught in a trap of minimum wage jobs and no way to get ahead. Esme and I will do whatever we can to help you with school and then college.”

“Absolutely,” Esme confirms. “I’m sure Ruthie and Abraham will be back with their mother by summer, so there will be space here for a baby and I’ll have plenty of time to help you. But…only if that’s what you really, really want. You don’t have to have this baby. It’s okay for you to decide that it’s not the right thing for you right now and you want to terminate the pregnancy, and we will help and support you through that too. If you wanted to continue the pregnancy and place the baby for adoption, we will support that choice and help you as much as we can.”

“But you love babies,” Alice sniffs.

Esme smiles at her tenderly. “I do love babies. I also think babies should be born into situations where they are wanted and their parents are ready for them; I’ve seen too much of what happens when they’re not. And besides… _you’re_ my baby, and your wellbeing and happiness are what matters most to me right now.”

“I just wish this wasn’t happening.”

“It’s too late for that now,” Carlisle says with a sigh. “You need to accept that it IS happening, and make some decisions. We’ll talk about it more, and we can find you a good, neutral pregnancy counsellor who’s experienced in talking people through their options if you want some outside perspective. Once you know what you want to do, either way, we’ll make a doctor appointment and get you sorted. Have you been feeling well? Any sickness? Pain?”

Alice shakes her head. “I feel just like normal. I only thought of it because I was late, that’s all…” She bites her lip and leans her head against my arm. “I’m really so sorry.”

I curve my hand around the side of her face and kiss the top of her head. “Don’t be sorry. Shit happens…you’re going to be fine.”


	6. Letter #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m adding two chapters for this update, just because the letters are pretty short. Thank you to everyone reading along, I appreciate all the notes so much! I’m so glad that people are still loving my Emmett and decided to give this grown up version a try.   
> I don’t know if I’ll be able to update again before Christmas, so if not I want to wish everyone a happy holidays, and thank you so much for being such awesome readers!

_Little thing, I don’t want you._

_The fact that you even exist is still so hard for me to grasp. The odds of your conception, the odds of sperm meeting egg and then the tiny little microscopic thing you were creeping in uninvited and burrowing in and taking root and growing…the odds were never in your favour. There are people praying and trying and hoping for babies and it never happens, there are loved and wanted and celebrated conceptions that can’t hold on, and yet I looked away for just a moment and somehow here you are._

_You’re only as big as a blueberry, and apart from a missing period there are no real signs that you’re even there, but the idea of you is so much larger than your actual size and your tiny beating heart is demanding answers._

_Why didn’t you just go away? It would have been so much easier._

_Because the truth is I want to say no to you, little thing. I don’t want you. I don’t want to be your mother._

_That’s not because of YOU. You are perfect, you are extraordinary, and you deserve the whole world...but I can’t give it to you. It breaks my heart to say it but I don’t have it in me to be what you need, and I don’t want to try. We’d both lose too much when I fail._

_So I’d just about made up my mind to say goodbye to you. To say I’m sorry, and make you go away. It was such a hard choice little thing, but it felt like the right thing, the only thing, I could do for me. I need to live my life before I can make a life for someone else, and maybe that’s a selfish choice but it would have been a good choice._

_But then…I dreamed about you._

_Everyone will think it’s crazy. They’ll never understand, but the last three nights in a row I’ve closed my eyes and there you were. Just like I dreamed of Jasper before I ever met him, now I’ve dreamed of you and I know you too. I’ve seen your face and heard your voice, and that changes things._

_Well, it changes some things. It can’t change me; it can’t change my mind about what I’m capable of. I can’t be your mother. But maybe it can change what I’m going to do about you._


	7. Looking For Answers

Rosalie doesn’t talk as she drives us to our appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist. Her face is serene, but as she accelerates just a little bit too fast and brakes just a little too hard I can tell that she’s not as relaxed as she’s pretending to be. I lay my hand on her thigh and squeeze. She doesn’t say anything, but when she stops at the lights she momentarily rests her hand on mine.

“It’s going to be okay,” I say into the silence once she parks and switches off the car. Rosalie has always been kind of high strung, but this appointment has her wound so tight that I’m worried. “This appointment is just looking for some info, that’s all. No big deal.”

Rosalie nods, but her smile is half hearted and her grip on my hand is tight as we walk into the offices and take a seat in the waiting room. Even when she’s filling out the forms the receptionist gives her, she doesn’t let go.

“Rosalie, Emmett, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Dr Richards.” The doctor, an older woman with a short haircut and red glasses, shakes our hands briskly and ushers us into her office with a smile. “Take a seat and let’s get started.”

She runs through a quick health history with Rosalie with all the usual questions, although there’s not a lot there. Rosalie hasn’t been sick in any real way since she had her appendix out when she was sixteen. She goes into greater detail about Rosalie’s periods. Dr Richards then asks me about my health too, but when you ignore all the staples and stitches I’ve needed to hold me together after doing something dumb, I’m as healthy as Rosalie. She notes down what we say, and then looks up with a sympathetic smile.

“So you’re both in excellent health. But you’ve been trying to conceive and been unsuccessful?”

“Yes. I was using the implant for birth control and had it taken out fourteen months ago, so it’s been over a year. I started charting and using ovulation predictor tests about six months in, so I can show you those.” Rosalie passes the doctor a sheaf of papers with her charts printed out on them.

“You’re a few steps ahead of most people at their first appointment,” Dr Richards says, studying the graphs. “You’ve collected a lot of information here.”

Rosalie smiles thinly. “I’m a scientist. It’s the only way I know how to deal with a problem.”

“Well, you’ve been thorough,” the doctor murmurs. “The charts are good…regular cycles, and you look like you’re ovulating, based on temperatures and OPKs…luteal phase length looks good…cervical mucous patterns what you’d expect…you really have looked at everything…plenty of sex at the right times…”

I squirm slightly. I knew Rosalie was tracking when we had sex, but I’d been a bit taken aback to see it all printed out on the charts that morning. We’ve always had a strong physical relationship and that’s how we like it, but damned if I didn’t feel kind of like an animal when I was confronted with the specifics on paper. It’s not just the numbers though; it’s what it all represents. Rosalie and I have sex hard and often, but it’s always been more than just the physical – this is our love language and I hate that something so personal and tender is becoming public property.

“We had a semen analysis done,” Rosalie says. “We knew it was the next thing to look at and since we could get the lab orders done we did it. The results are there, behind the charts.”

Dr Richards flips to the final paper. “You really have been doing your homework. No problems identified there I see, everything is well within normal range…Dr Cullen ordered this?”

“He’s my dad,” I say, and even though that’s been true since he adopted me eleven years ago I still feel the same quick flare of surprised pleasure that I get to claim him. “He said he couldn’t offer us any treatment options but he could order the test and get us started. He gave us your name.”

“Well that explains that.” Dr Richards looks amused. “Carlisle’s one of the paediatricians we refer our patients too when they reach that point…I was just surprised to see his name on a sperm analysis lab order!” She studies the charts a little longer and then clears her throat. “Here are my thoughts. Not getting pregnant in a year of trying is definitely grounds for investigation. Usually we’d start by tracking cycles and testing semen, but you’ve already done that. So we already know we’re not dealing with male factor issues. Your cycles look normal and the charts indicate that you’re ovulating. There’s no immediately obvious reason why you haven’t conceived.”

“So where do we go from here?” Rosalie asks.

“I’d like to do another couple of tests,” Dr Richards answers. “I’m going to order some blood tests to measure hormone levels and check egg quality – you’re young and we wouldn’t expect a problem there, but we need to cover all our bases. I want an ultrasound done to check your ovaries and uterus for any anomalies. I’d also recommend we do a hysterosalpingogram, which is a procedure that uses x-ray to look at your uterus and fallopian tubes and makes sure there are no blockages or other identifiable problems.”

“That sounds like…like a lot?” I venture uncertainly.

“It doesn’t matter,” Rosalie breaks in quickly. “Whatever it takes.”

I reach for her hand. “Hey…I know and I’m with you. But it sounds hard for you, that’s all.” I give her a lopsided smile.

It’s disheartening to realise how little I can do in this situation. I’ve done my part and it was easy – all I’d done was think about Rosalie and masturbate into a cup. Which I have to admit is, excluding the cup, something I’ve done quite willingly and regularly since I was sixteen years old! But now it’s Rosalie’s turn and she’s going to be poked and prodded and injected…it’s going to be uncomfortable, it’s going to hurt, and there’s nothing I can do but watch.

Rosalie’s fingers lace through mine. “Maybe. But worth it…”

Dr Richards is watching us closely. “You’re quite right that it might be hard, Emmett. Infertility is stressful. The testing can be invasive and uncomfortable, and the stakes are high. There are not always clear-cut answers to the problems and there’s no guarantee of success at the end of it.”

“But there are things we can do?” Rosalie demands. “Things to try?”

“There are steps we can take, although what we can do depends on the underlying cause, if any, and each couple’s circumstances,” Dr Richards says. “The clinic’s overall success rates are good. But I don’t want to get ahead of ourselves; first we need to run these tests and get as much information as we can.” She begins scribbling down lab orders and handing them across to Rosalie, adding in a bunch of other pamphlets and printed pages. “Some of the tests need to be done on specific days of your cycle and I’ve marked that down here, so you’ll have to coordinate with the receptionist to organise appointments; they know how it works so it won’t be a problem. Once everything’s been done, make another appointment with me and we can go over all the results and figure out what our options are from there.”

Rosalie scans the papers quickly, before shuffling them together neatly and slipping them into her purse. “Okay, thank you.”

“I’ve given you all the information about the tests in there,” Dr Richards says. “That way you can read over it in your own time and have it to refer to. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call; one of our nurse practitioners should be able to help you, or pass a message along to me. In the meantime, keep trying this month. Sometimes just doing the hysterosalpingogram can shift a minor tubal blockage and increase your chances of pregnancy, so you never know.”

I shake her hand and follow Rosalie out to the front desk, where she pays and speaks to the receptionist about making the follow up appointments.

“Does insurance cover this?” I ask her as we walk out the parking lot. I remember her checking the policy for maternity benefits way back when we were just starting out and expecting that we’d be using them soon, but I don’t remember anything about infertility.

Fuck, I hate that word.

“Most of these tests will be covered,” Rosalie answers. “Treatment…it depends. IVF coverage isn’t great if we end up needing that, but at least there’s something.”

“Can we afford it?” Rosalie and I share bank accounts, but when it comes to our finances she’s the planner in our relationship and I’ve always deferred to her opinions. She makes a lot more money than I do, and while she’s got expensive tastes sometimes and likes the good things in life, she’s also financially shrewd.

“Yes, if we have to. It would be expensive, but there’s money in our savings account that we could use. If costs go over that…” Rosalie sighs. “I’ll go into debt for this, or go to my mom and dad and ask them. I’m sure they’ll help out.”

“I can work more,” I offer. “I don’t love working conventions, but I can talk to Jonah about doing some. That’s a way to make a chunk of cash pretty quickly.”

Rosalie wraps her arms around me and kisses the hollow of my throat. “Thank you. But we can wait and see; as I said we have enough in our savings to get us started.”

“So you’re ready to follow this all up now?” I ask, rubbing her back. “Whatever that means?”

“I think so.” Rosalie shrugs. “At the very least I want to know what the problem is.”

“There might not be an answer,” I say, remembering what Dr Richards said. “Or maybe it’ll be something you don’t want to hear.”

“I’m not pregnant after a year of trying…it’s already something I don’t want to hear.” Rosalie smiles ruefully. “But I need to know for sure where we stand so we can decide where we go from here.”

___________________________________________________

The bell above the shop door jangles, and I raise my face from where it’s been buried in my arms. “Good grief, don’t let a customer see me like this,” I mutter, grabbing a handful of tissues and wiping my streaming eyes.

Jonah laughs and heads out the front. “No fear. You’d disgrace us all.”

“Jonah told me you were like this,” Lainey says, her hands steady on my back as she works. “But I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. An artist of your reputation, absolutely sobbing like a baby…”

“I’m not _crying_!” I say indignantly, mopping furiously at my face. “I’m just…leaking…a little bit.”

I hear a familiar giggle and look up to see Alice following Jonah into the studio. “Emmett, what are you doing?” She skips around to the side and leans over Lainey’s shoulder to look at the artwork that’s taking shape low on my back. “Oh, it’s a donkey…it’s Clementine! Lainey, that looks amazing!”

“Thanks,” Lainey says. “Emmett’s been promising me that he’d let me do something on him since the start of my apprenticeship, and I finally came up with something he likes. Too bad he can’t stop crying while I work.”

“It’s a physiological reaction! I can’t help it!” I swipe the soggy handful of tissues across my eyes. “And you’ll fail your apprenticeship if you talk to clients like this!”

Jonah pats me soothingly on the shoulder. “There, there, Emmett, slow your roll. And Lainey, just be glad you’re only doing a wee donkey on the boy, imagine all the weeping I had to put up with when I inked the bear on his arm.” He’s nearly choking with laughter.

I groan and resignedly flop my face back down into my arms and wait for it to be over. It’s mortifying, but my body reacts to being tattooed with uncontrollably watering eyes. It’s not actually crying as such and I can’t do a single thing about it, but it’s damned embarrassing all the same. Jonah, who did my bear and the roses I have on my chest, finds it hilarious.

“What are you doing here anyway?” I ask Alice, my voice muffled. “Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“It’s a half day,” she says. “I thought I’d come and say hi, see if you were busy, if we could maybe hang out and talk…”

I roll my head to the side and look at her through tear-blurred eyes. “Well, Lainey can’t have much longer to go. My afternoon is pretty free…okay?”

Alice nods, and hops up to sit on the bench that runs along the side of the room. “I’ll just wait then.”

I close my eyes and let the sounds of the buzzing tattoo gun and the chat of the others wash over me. Tears continue to flood my eyes, but there’s a weird kind of meditative pleasure in just sitting with the pain of what Lainey’s doing to my skin. I wonder what Alice is going to say to me – it’s been several days since I last saw her at dinner and I can only assume that she’s made up her mind about what she wants to do with her pregnancy. I think I know what the likely answer is going to be. My mind goes back to Rosalie waking up with her period for another frustrating, disappointing month for us, and my heart twists.

“Jonah? Do you want to take a look?” Lainey wipes my back down again and sits back. “I think I’m done here.”

“It looks good.” Jonah inspects her work. “Beautiful work.”

I crane my neck, trying to see what she’s done to me. I’m not that flexible though, and so I haul myself off the table and go to the mirror, a smile breaking across my face when I see the reflection of the miniature donkey she’s inked on my back. I grab a final handful of tissues and wipe my eyes and noisily blow my nose. “Thanks Lainey, you’ve done a great job.” She’s been an apprentice here for almost a year, and is shaping up to be a phenomenal talent.

Alice watches Lainey clean and wrap the freshly done tattoo. “That’s so cute,” she says enviously. “Lainey, will you do something on me? Or you, Jonah? Emmett says he’s won’t tattoo me until I’m thirty.”

“You can’t commit to a tv show, let alone a permanent body mod,” I say. “And you can’t afford Jonah…heck, you can’t even afford _me_. And if Lainey keeps going like she is, you won’t be able to afford her either.”

Lainey laughs, and Jonah shakes his head at me. “I’ll do something amazing on you when you turn eighteen,” he promises Alice. “You want my work on you anyway, not Emmett’s…I’m much better than he is.”

“Hey, if I suck we can just look at who taught me,” I return with a grin. I hold still while Lainey snaps a photo of the donkey and then I slip back into my t-shirt. “I’m going to head off for a while,” I say. “I’ve got an appointment later so I’ll be back in then. Come on Monkey.”

Outside, I look at my sister. “What do you want to do? I’ve got a couple of hours before I have to be back, so I’m all yours.”

“Can we go somewhere private and talk?” Alice says. “And have lunch? I’m kind of hungry.”

“Sure.” I unlock the Jeep. “Hop in. How about we go back to my place? I’ll make you a toasted cheese and you can say hi to Clementine,” I add with a grimace as my back hits the seat and makes the freshly done tattoo throb. “Sound good?”

Alice nods. “Yes. Rosalie won’t be home?”

“No, she’s at work building robot limbs.”

“Okay…I want to talk to her too, but first just you.” Alice’s voice is strained, and as she stares out the window and refuses to meet my eyes, I wonder what exactly she’s going to tell me.


	8. Choices

At home, I plug in the sandwich press and start buttering bread and slicing cheese while Alice goes outside and gives Clementine a carrot and some scratches behind her ears. It’s cold and raining outside though and she comes back in pretty quickly.

“Do you ever feel weird living in this house?” she asks.

I close the press onto the sandwiches and turn to face her, leaning back against the counter. “What do you mean?”

“Doesn’t it make you remember being a kid here? Doesn’t that make you feel bad sometimes?”

Alice touches the doorframe by the hallway, the part that’s still raw wood. It’s dark and discoloured with age and wear, but I’ll never paint over it and lose the pencil marks that can be seen there, the names and dates that show how we grew. _Mary Alice_ for my grandma, almost worn away after so many years; _Maddie_ for my mom, and _Emmett_ for me. Even _Alice_ for my monkey, although her marks never go above the tiny five year old height she was when we left.

“My memories aren’t all bad, and I don’t think much about the ones that are,” I say slowly. “Rosalie and I have done enough work around the place that it really feels like ours now. And she makes me happy…what I have here with her is strong enough and good enough that it really makes this house into a place I want to be.” I give Alice a half embarrassed smile. “I mean, I don’t go into the basement if I don’t have to, but the rest of it is fine.”

“I used to pretend that none of it ever happened,” Alice says wistfully. “I wanted to believe that I was always just Alice Cullen, with my perfect mom and dad and two brothers, living that perfect, privileged life. I hated remembering Mary Alice Brandon.” She traces the height marks on the door, not looking at me.

“I’m sorry.” The same, familiar heartache about everything that I couldn’t protect her from rises up in me.

“Except there was always one thing I didn’t want to forget…and that was you.” Alice looks at me steadily. “I haven’t ever forgotten about everything that you did for me. And now that I’m getting older I finally realise how much it really was – you were just a kid yourself, and you took care of me and saved me from so much. I remember that it was bad, but I know that it would have been worse without you. I never said thank you, but I know how much I owe you.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “You don’t owe me anything. I didn’t mind; you were a good kid and you deserved better. I wish I could have done more.”

Alice fills two glasses with ice and pours juice, then carries them to the table. “You’re good at taking care of people. You and Rosalie want to have kids, don’t you?”

“Yeah, one day.” I busy myself taking the sandwiches out, cutting into them and watching the melting cheese ooze out. I don’t want to talk about the infertility Rosalie and I are dealing with. Not when Alice is facing the opposite problem. I give her a sandwich and sit down opposite her with mine. “But it’s you having a kid that we have to worry about now, not me and Rosalie.”

“Well, sort of.” Alice is staring at her plate. “I think…I don’t want to be a mom.”

The heaviness settles in my stomach and I put down my sandwich. “That’s okay. It’s not a good time right now. I get that.”

“It’s not just now though, I don’t know if I ever want this,” Alice says quietly. “I’ve never seen myself being a mom; even when I was little I didn’t play with dolls! I only ever liked stuffed animals and cats and unicorns and magic…I wanted to be the cool auntie for _your_ kids, just doing all the fun things with them, before giving them back so you can take care of the mundane diapers and homework.”

I can’t help laughing a little. “That sounds okay to me.”

Alice smiles at me, her eyes shiny with tears. “There are so many things I want to do with my life Emmett, but motherhood has never been one of them. I want to be a costume designer and work on Broadway, or Hollywood, or the West End. I want to travel and be spontaneous and fun and sometimes even a little bit crazy, and only have to be responsible for myself. Babies have never been part of any of it, and even now that this has happened and there’s an actual baby inside me…I still can’t see myself being a mother.”

I reach across and squeeze her hand.

“It’s not that I don’t like babies and children or family,” Alice goes on. “I do! I love my family, and I want lots of kids to be part of it…but not _my_ kids. I want Mom and Dad to keep fostering, and I want you and Edward to give me lots of nieces and nephews to love and spoil! But at the end of the day, I want to be able to give them all back and go on my way, just me.” A tear slips down her cheek. “I know it’s probably so selfish, but…”

“It’s not selfish,” I cut in. “It’s _smart._ To know yourself, to know what you want and what you’re capable of…that’s so much better than just letting life shove you in any old direction. People should only have kids when they know that they really want them and are ready to do whatever it takes to look after them properly. Damn it Alice, I was born to a dad who didn’t want me and a mom who wasn’t ready to be a mother, and look how that turned out! And I’m not saying you would do what she did, because I know you never would, but I am saying that you don’t have to be a mother if you don’t want to be. It’s your life and you can do whatever the hell you want with it, and I’ll be right there for you no matter what.”

Alice’s smile lights up her face. “You will be, I know that…and for the baby too? If she needs you?”

“Well yeah - but you don’t want to have this baby. You just said that.”

“I said I don’t want to be the mother. But the baby…if she’s born she’ll need a mother and father. And I want it to be you and Rosalie.”

It feels, just for a moment, like the whole world is falling out from under my feet. “Monkey…”

“I want you and Rosalie to raise her,” Alice’s says, her voice shaking. “I don’t want to do it…I _can’t_ do it, and if I could go back in time I would do things differently and make it so this never happened. But she’s here now, and I don’t know if I can make her go away. She has to belong to someone, and I can’t think of anyone better than you.”

My teeth are digging into my knuckles so hard I half expect to taste blood, and when I speak my voice sounds almost unrecognisable. “You don’t mean that…you _can’t._ You don’t want to do that.”

“I do. I’ve thought it all out and this is the best way. Please Emmett, please.” Tears are rolling down Alice’s cheeks. “Tell me that it’s maybe possible. You and Rosalie would be so good…and this way I’d know she was safe and happy, and I would…see her…sometimes…”

“Of course it’s possible,” I say, half dazed. “Rosalie and I would…yeah, of course it’s possible. We want kids, and she’s been gutted that it hasn’t happened…but Monkey, it’s not like you’re giving away a puppy or something. You’re talking about carrying a baby and giving birth to it and then letting someone else raise it and that’s…it’s a huge thing to do.”

Alice rubs at the tears on her face. “I know that. But…did you say you and Rosalie are trying to have a baby? And it’s not working?”

I hadn’t been planning on telling her that, but the news has slipped out and there’s no taking it back now. I shrug. “Yeah. It’s been a while and we’re looking into it.”

“But that makes it all even better! You want a baby, and I have a baby I can give you! You’ll be a million times better than I would be,” Alice says earnestly.

“No!” I shake my head vehemently. “What you’re suggesting is too big a thing to be something you do for me. It has to be about _you_ , about what _you_ want, and what _you_ can live with. You need to make the best choice for you, Monkey, only you.”

“It’s not only me though. It’s…her too.” Alice’s hand tentatively touches her belly.

I sit very still. “You keep saying she. You think it’s a girl?”

“I’m sure of it.” Alice says. “I know what you’re saying Emmett; I know what I’m asking of you and I’m not doing it on a whim. I’ve thought about nothing but this pregnancy and this baby and what I’m going to do about it for days. Even though there are still a million doubts and questions in my mind, there are some things I’m sure of. I don’t want to be her mother. I know that. And if she’s going to be born and raised by someone else, I can’t think of anyone better than you.”

My teeth pick at the skin over my knuckles. “What about Jasper?”

“He’s less ready to be a parent than I am,” Alice sighs. “He would step up if I asked him to, but I don’t think it would be good for anyone. Jasper’s background…well, I’ll tell you about it one day but to cut a long story short he was in a cult for a long time and although he’s out now his experiences haven’t exactly equipped him to be a good dad right now. He has a lot of baggage about where he was and what happened to him. We’re good together and I really see a future with him, but not this one. He agrees.”

“He agrees with Rosalie and I raising the baby?” I ask.

Alice nods. “Neither of us want this baby for ourselves. He didn’t know if you’d want to adopt her, but he agrees with me that it could be a good solution. Although he’s worried about me going through with the pregnancy.”

“Well he’s right to be worried about that. I mean, having a baby is tough, things can go wrong…and that’s physically. Then you’ll have the emotional impact of going through with the pregnancy and then handing the baby over. Have you really thought about that? I mean, not having it at all is one thing, but once it’s born and right there are you going to be willing – and able - to walk away?” I gnaw at my fist. “Because the baby…if Rosalie and I take it then it’s always going to be there. It’s not as though you’ll place it with strangers and be able to move on without having to think about it anymore. Think how often we see each other – are you going to want to have that constant reminder all the time? Or are you going to start avoiding me? Because I won’t choose your baby over you, Monkey; I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“I know that seeing her will be hard. But it’s also what makes me think that I can do this; because I’ll see her and _know_ that she’s happy and loved with you and Rosalie. I’ll never have to worry about what’s happening to her. I can be part of her life, just not as her mother,” Alice says earnestly.

“So you and Jasper have been talking about this. Have you talked to Carlisle and Esme?”

“Not yet,” Alice shakes her head. “I didn’t know if you’d even think about it, and if it’s not possible…well, I’ll have to reconsider the other options; I don’t know if I could give her to a stranger. Like you said, I’m not asking you to look after a puppy! It’s a baby, and even though I know you and Rosalie want to have kids I didn’t know if you were thinking about it doing it anytime soon, or if you’d even consider adoption rather than having your own anyway.”

“Look, we’re ready to have kids and yeah, we’ve been trying to have our own.” I shrug a little helplessly. “It hasn’t happened, but we’re only just at the point where we’re acknowledging that that might be a problem and looking into it. We haven’t really talked about what we might do from here. I honestly have no idea what Rosalie thinks about adoption.”

“Have you been trying for a long time?” Alice asks.

“A while…about a year,” I say.

“Oh wow.” Alice looks abashed. “That’s a long time; no wonder you were so mad at me! You and Rosalie have done everything right and yet…it must be so frustrating to see me get pregnant through total carelessness. Life is so unfair sometimes!”

I laugh softly. “Yeah well, it’s not like life’s ever been all that fair. Don’t worry about me and Rosalie either – we’re going to work it out and it’ll be fine. And I’m sorry if I was harder on you than I should have been, because of what’s going on with me and Rosalie. I shouldn’t have let my own issues get in the way.”

“That’s okay. Really, you’ve all been much easier on me and far more understanding than I deserve!” Alice gives me a lopsided grin. “Everyone has hidden their disappointment and frustration with me extremely well!”

I begin absent-mindedly eating my now cold sandwich. “What’s done is done- no point in busting your chops about it too much after the fact. We just need to help you sort it out.”

“So you’ll talk to Rosalie? You think there might be a chance?” Alice picks at the congealed cheese on her plate.

“We’ll talk about it,” I say cautiously. “There’s a lot to think about though, and I don’t know which way Rosalie’s going to go. I don’t even really know what to think myself, or how it would really work.”

“Oh, we’ll figure all that out,” Alice says brightly. “The timing is actually quite good, for something so unplanned – I can finish school this year and have the baby in the summer and then go away to college while you and Rosalie take over. She’ll be _your_ baby.” She looks at me anxiously. “You have to tell Rosalie that, make sure she knows that I won’t be pushing in or anything. She’ll be the mom, not me. I’ll be away at school and then having a fabulous career and doing my own thing – I’ll be around for visits and holidays and vacations, but as the auntie, that’s all. I want her to be your baby, not mine.”


	9. Taking a Chance

It’s late when I get home that night. My evening appointment had been booked as a few hours of continuing work on a sleeve, but with the client coping well and the tattoo nearly done I’d extended the time until it was done. I find Rosalie soaking in the tub and reading a book, music playing softly in the background.

“Hey, this is something to nice to come home to,” I say. “Beautiful, naked wife…how you doing?” I sit on the broad edge of the tub, bending low to drop a kiss on her upturned lips. “Although that’s a lot of bubbles; I can hardly see anything.”

Rosalie laughs. “You’re obsessed.”

“With you? Absolutely, and not ashamed to admit it,” I say cheerfully. “How was your day?”

“Okay. Do you want to get in the bath too?” Rosalie asks.

“I’d love to, but I can’t,” I say regretfully. “I let Lainey ink me today and I can’t sit in water with a fresh tattoo.” I twist away and lift up my t-shirt, showing Rosalie the new adornment on my back. “How’s it looking now? She did a good job.”

“It’s adorable,” Rosalie says with a giggle. “It looks pretty irritated though, you probably should put some more cream on it. Did you cry?”

“Buckets of tears,” I admit, digging through the cabinet until I find the tube of lotion. Wincing a little I smear the cream thickly over the tender patch of skin. “It’s mortifying. Jonah and Lainey got a good laugh out of me though. Did I get it all?”

Rosalie nods and I drop my shirt back down, taking a seat on the floor by the tub and stretching my legs out. I lay my arm along the back of the tub and stroke Rosalie’s hair as she leans her head back and closes her eyes.

For a while I sit quietly, enjoying the music and the scent of the bubbles and the softness of her hair under my fingers. But I know I’ve got a hard conversation ahead of me, and eventually I open my eyes and smile across at Rosalie. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Her own smile fades. “The doctor’s office called today and asked me to go in early tomorrow for the HSG test; they’ve had a cancellation and I’m on the right day to do it. I checked your calendar and you don’t have anything on in the morning so it’ll fit in. I did the blood tests and ultrasounds they wanted by myself before work and during lunchbreaks, but I’ll need you to drive me to this one.”

“Okay, sure.” My stomach tightens. “Are you feeling okay?”

Rosalie sighs. “I don’t know. I’m not looking forward to any of it, the HSG is meant to be pretty unpleasant, but I hate not knowing what’s going on. At least after this we might have some answers, and maybe we’ll be a bit closer to having our baby.”

“Mmmm. About that…are you focussed on getting pregnant, or getting a baby?” I ask cautiously. I will tell her of Alice’s request from the afternoon regardless, but I’m curious to know her thoughts in a more general sense.

“Are you asking about where I want to go after this? Like am I thinking about IVF, or whether I’d consider looking to adoption?”

“Well, yeah.” I curl a loose tendril of her hair around my finger. “We’ve never talked about it. Trying for our own was just natural, but now that we’re here and it’s not happening and we’re having to look at alternatives…I wondered if you had any thoughts on it.”

Rosalie is quiet for so long I find my fist drifting up to my mouth and my teeth on the already bruised and tender skin over my knuckles.

“I wouldn’t be against adopting a child,” Rosalie says at last. “Ultimately, I want us to have a family, however that happens. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have concerns about doing it that way. I have some ethical questions around adoption as an industry, with newborns and international adoptions for one. And I don’t know that I’d be very good at foster care, or adopting an older child that comes with a whole lot of baggage.” She looks ashamed. “I know that probably sounds awful, especially considering that you were adopted as an older kid! But I’m trying to be honest here – I’m not Esme and I don’t think I have her gift for always being and doing and saying the right things.”

“Don’t feel bad for thinking that,” I say. “It’s totally understandable. Heck, everything has worked out great with Carlisle and Esme adopting Alice and I but I’ll never say that it wasn’t a fucking hard fight at times.”

Rosalie smiles at me. “I think I could work through that. And even though I’ve always dreamed of being pregnant and giving birth and experiencing it all, I could probably learn to let go of that too. But my biggest hesitation with adoption is really that I’m scared that we could get a baby, or a child, and then lose them because they went back to its biological parents. IVF would be hard and potentially completely unsuccessful, but at least getting a baby that way means no one would be able to take it away.”

“I see that,” I say softly.

“I don’t care about genetics, and whether our child looks like us or not doesn’t matter. It’s mostly the idea of getting attached, and losing a child we’ve grown to love…I’m not sure I could do that,” Rosalie says.

I take a deep breath. “I know what you mean. We need to think about it though, because….well, the thing is, I was talking to Alice today and she’s decided she doesn’t want to parent her baby. She was thinking that maybe we’d like to adopt it.”

Rosalie sits upright so abruptly that a tidal wave of bathwater washes over the side of the tub and drenches my jeans. “What the hell? Are you serious? Is _she_ serious?”

I reach towards her. “Yeah, Alice seemed pretty damn sure.”

“That’s…oh Emmett.” Rosalie covers her mouth with her hands, muffling whatever she says next. I can see her shaking.

I lean over the side of the tub and wrap my arms around her, heedless of the water soaking into my clothes. “I know, I know…it’s okay.”

“What exactly did she say?” Rosalie gazes searchingly into my eyes. “Tell me what you said.”

I trace my fingers down the length of her spine. “Alice came into the shop at lunch time and said she wanted to talk to me, so I brought her back here and made toasted cheese. I figured she wanted to talk about her pregnancy. I thought she was probably going to tell me that she’d decided to abort, and she _did_ say that she doesn’t want to be a mother; she was pretty clear about that. But she said that she was thinking about having the baby, and if she did she wants us to raise it. She wanted to know if I thought we might want to do that.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I didn’t know. I mean, it’s possible, but there’s a lot to think about and it’s all pretty complicated…look, get out of the tub and let’s talk about this somewhere less wet.” I let go of Rosalie and start peeling off my now soaked clothes, tossing them at the hamper.

She stands up and grabs a towel to dry herself off. “Is Alice talking about a proper, legal adoption? We would be the parents?”

“Yes, she said that explicitly; she said I had to tell you that you would be the mom, and she wouldn’t be involved as anything more than an aunt.” I pull my towel off the rack and use it to mop up the water puddled on the floor. “She would have the baby and give it to us to raise and then she’d go off to college.”

“But she’d have to be pregnant. She’d have to go through nine months of that and give birth and then...just let her baby go? Do you really think she’ll be able to say goodbye and move on? Especially if we have the baby, it will always be there, reminding her of what she could have had.” Rosalie’s voice quivers. “That would be so hard…she’d change her mind.”

“I asked her the same thing, about seeing the baby afterwards,” I say. “I mean, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, birthdays, Superbowl Sunday…we’re over at Esme and Carlisle’s all the time, or they’re here. It’ll change when Alice is in college and living a grown up life I guess, but even if we’re raising the baby she’s going to see a lot of it and she needs to be okay with that. Because I would hate it if she started avoiding us…I’m not going to trade in my sister for her baby.”

“What did Alice say to that?” Rosalie rehangs her towel and heads into our bedroom to dress.

I follow her. “She said that was a positive for her. She wants to be involved, but not as the mother.” I pull on a pair of sweatpants. “The way she talked about the baby…she really loves her.”

Rosalie shakes her head. “She’ll change her mind then. She won’t be able to give it away.”

“I don’t think she will change her mind,” I say hesitantly. “She really wants to go to college and do her own thing, and she can’t do that with a baby. You said it yourself that the degree she wants to do doesn’t really jive with early motherhood. And she wasn’t really talking about adoption in general either; it wasn’t about maybe placing the baby with strangers, the conversation was specifically about you and I adopting the baby.”

Rosalie sits on the edge of the bed. “You sound like you want to say yes.”

I sit beside her. “I guess…yeah, my gut feeling is to say yes. If Alice is sure that’s what she really wants, if she really doesn’t want to have an abortion or to parent her baby, then it’s a pretty good solution to her problem. You and I want a baby and we’re ready to take care of one, and we haven’t had any luck making one of our own, so it’s an answer to our problem too. And the baby…well, if she’s born she’s going to need someone to love her and someone to belong to, and so it’s going to be an answer for her too. I know it’s not that simple – I don’t know how the legal side of it works, I know Alice could change her mind, I know that any one of a million things could go wrong with the pregnancy. Even with all that in mind…yeah, I think we should strongly consider what Alice is offering here.” I cup Rosalie’s face in between my hands and look deeply into her eyes. “But you know that I will never, ever make you do anything you don’t want to, or push you into something you’re not comfortable with, right? We’ve only just started looking into why we haven’t had a baby yet. It might be nothing and they’ll have us pregnant in a month, or maybe they’ll suggest some kind of medical treatment and you’d rather do that than take a chance on adoption. You can make that choice, and I’ll be fully behind you.” She kisses me, slow and sweet, and I hold her close and feel it all over again, that overwhelming love and incredulity that this girl is my life. “I love you, whatever else there is going on…I love you.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Rosalie whispers into my neck. “I want a baby so badly. Then I got my period – again - and I made those appointments with the fertility doctor and finally admitted to myself that it’s never going to happen the way I wanted it too. I’m not going to get to just make love to my husband and make a baby. There are going to be doctors and appointments and maybe medication or interventions or…I don’t even know what. And none of that will matter once we have our family, I know that, but in the moment it really fucking hurts. And I’m just kind of coming to terms with that…and suddenly here you are telling me that there might already be a baby who could be mine, but in a whole different way. It’s a lot to get my head around.”

I nod. “It really is. I feel like we’ve just skipped twelve spaces ahead in a board game. My head was focussed on you and I getting pregnant, and how we can figure out what the real story is there, and now out of nowhere there’s a baby that’s – sort of – already here and we have to decide it we want to adopt.”

“And just like a board game, we can get sent right back to square one at any time,” Rosalie murmurs. “If Alice changes her mind, then it’s over.”

“That’s a risk,” I acknowledge. “And a damned scary one. I know that if we say yes, our hearts are on the line. But if it all goes smoothly...there’s a possibility for something amazing for us, Rosa.”

Rosalie sighs and scoots back on the bed, stretching out and pulling me down with her so that she can lie curled up against me. “There aren’t any guarantees when it comes to babies anyway. We’re young and healthy and want one and can provide for it, and yet here we are staring at the prospect of infertility. Medical science can do a lot, but it can’t promise that we’re going to walk away with a baby if we go down the assisted reproduction path. Even if we _do_ get pregnant, there are so many things that can go wrong…face it, when we decided we wanted to be parents, we opened ourselves up to the possibility of a whole world of hurt.”

“That’s true. Whichever was you go about it, you’re taking a chance.”

“What about Jasper? Where does he stand on this plan?” Rosalie twists her wedding ring around her finger.

“I think he’s on board; Alice says he’s less ready to be a parent than she is,” I say.

“Well, after all he’s been through that’s not surprising,” Rosalie says.

“What’s he been through? Is there something I’m supposed to know here?” I ask. “Isn’t he just some dumbass kid my sister is dating?”

Rosalie shakes her head. “Don’t you pay attention to anything? Jasper’s an emancipated minor because he escaped from a cult. I don’t know the whole story, but I know there was a lot of violence and some brainwashing kind of stuff going on. He was lucky to get out, and it’s amazing he’s as well adjusted as he is, all things considered.”

“What, seriously? No, I knew nothing.” I’m honestly shocked. “That’s crazy…how come _you_ know all about it?”

“Because I talk to him!” Rosalie laughs and rolls her eyes at me. “You should try it sometime – Jasper’s actually great once you get know him a bit. You’ve assumed he’s only temporary in Alice’s life, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he turns out to be a keeper. And really, who are you to judge high school relationships? You were younger than he is now when you met me, and look how that’s turned out!”

I laugh too, rolling her over playfully and nuzzling into her neck. “Oh, I know…but that was _you_ baby girl. You’re everything, and I know how damned lucky I was to find you when I did.” I kiss her, long and deep, until we’re both breathless. “And you’re probably right about Jasper and Alice; I haven’t taken them seriously at all, and maybe I should have. After all, I was sixteen when I gave you my heart and I’ve never looked back for even a moment.”

Rosalie wraps her legs around me and curls her hands into my hair. “I still remember the first time I saw you. I don’t really even believe in love at first sight and yet somehow, right from the start, I knew that you mattered.” She kisses me again. “I love you. I want a family with you, however we make that happen. The idea of adopting Alice and Jasper’s baby scares the shit out of me, and there needs to be a LOT of discussion, but…I say yes. This is a chance we have to take.”


	10. Tests and Talks

The sound of the alarm waking me up in the morning is never a very welcome sound. However, being able to turn it off and roll over to wrap my arms around a warm, naked Rosalie next to me in bed is unfailingly one of the best parts of my day. This usually leads to sleepy morning sex, before Rosalie gets up and ready for work and I get to roll over and go back to sleep until my second alarm goes off, because working late so often means I get to be lazy and hardly ever start before midmorning.

But this morning Rosalie holds my hands tight in hers and pulls them away from her. “Not this morning. It might not be a good idea before this test.”

“Oh, right.” I kiss her forehead. “No problem. Are you okay?”

“Nervous,” Rosalie grimaces. “You’ll stay with me, if they let you?”

“Of course,” I promise. “I’ll hold your hand the whole time.”

I wish I could take some of this on for her. It doesn’t seem at all fair that testing me involved masturbating in the comfort of my own home and dropping the results at the lab with the specimen cup in a discreet paper bag, while Rosalie is stripped down to her socks and a hospital gown and asked to lie down on a high examination bed with her feet up and legs apart, while people mess around with her nether regions. I sit at the side, holding her hand and trying not to look at the instruments and equipment that the nurse is preparing. I’m not particularly squeamish…but they’re going to put _that_ down _there_?

Dr Richards comes in once the nurse has Rosalie situated. “Hi Rosalie and Emmett. How are you feeling, Rosalie?”

“Great,” Rosalie says unconvincingly. “All ready.”

“You’ll be fine,” Dr Richards says reassuringly. “Some women find the HSG uncomfortable, but a lot of them say that their fear was worse than the reality. You took some ibuprofen beforehand just in case?”

“Yes,” Rosalie nods and grips my hand a little more tightly. “Can Emmett stay?”

“Sure, he can stay right there. Now, what I’m going to do is insert a speculum, the same kind as you’ve had used in your yearly exams, and then thread this tube up through your cervix and into your uterus. I’ll use that tube to inject some radioactive dye, which will fill your uterus and then flow through the fallopian tubes. We’ll look at this process via x-ray, and should be able to see the shape of your uterus and if the tubes are open and unblocked, which is what we want. The x-ray is a very small amount of radiation that hasn’t been shown to have any negative effects, even if you go on to get pregnant this month,” Dr Richards explains as she fiddles around behind the sheet covering Rosalie’s legs. “As I said, you might find this uncomfortable but try and relax as much as possible and breathe steadily. Keep as still as you can, and let me know if it gets too painful.”

“Okay.” Rosalie rolls her head towards me, and I lean forward and touch my forehead to hers, mouthing, “I love you.”

“Did you take the day off work, Rosalie? You’re a…was it an engineer?” Dr Richards talks as she works, probably wanting to distract Rosalie.

“Yes, biomechanical engineering,” Rosalie answers. “I’m working in research and development for prosthetic limbs at the moment.”

“That sounds fascinating. What about you Emmett?”

“Uh…tattooing.” I wince in sympathy as Rosalie grips my hand hard enough to hurt. “I’m a tattooist.”

Dr Richards laughs. “Wow, that’s interesting, I don’t think I’ve met a tattooist before! Does this mean you’ve got a lot of tattoos hidden under that hospital gown then, Rosalie?”

“Not a chance,” I snort. “Won’t let me draw a line on her with a Sharpie, let alone something more permanent.”

Rosalie flashes me a brief, teasing grin. “I’m always telling you Emmett, my body is a temple, not your sketchbook….oooohhh.” Her words break off with a cry of pain, and I find myself half rising from the seat with anxiety.

“It’s okay,” Dr Richards says quickly. “You’re all right Rosalie? Not too bad?”

“Yes, I’m…ow, shit…I’m okay…” Rosalie’s dark blue eyes are filmed over with sudden tears. “It’s fine.”

I stroke her suddenly pale face. “Breathe baby.” I hate seeing her in pain.

“We’re getting the pictures now,” Dr Richards says. “It’s going well…hold still Rosalie, we just need a few more minutes here. You’re doing great. Nearly done.”

It’s a long few minutes, but finally the doctor pushes away the x-ray machine, pulls her instruments out of Rosalie and declares she has what she needs. Rosalie exhales, and looks towards me with a shaky smile, her forehead beaded with sweat. “That wasn’t so bad.”

I smile back tenderly. “You did great.”

“I’ll let you get dressed and then we’ll have a quick word,” Dr Richards says, standing up and pulling off her gown and gloves. “If you don’t have a pad there are some just on the counter there; the dye will leak back out over the next little while and you don’t want it to get on your clothes. You might feel a little bit sore and have some cramping over the next couple of hours, but it shouldn’t be too bad.”

Rosalie dresses quickly and silently, and within a few moments we’re seated in the doctor’s office, and she swings her computer screen around to show us Rosalie’s scans.

“We didn’t find any abnormalities, and the HSG showed nothing that would prevent conception.” Dr Richards says. “Your uterus is normally shaped, and you can see the contrast dye was able to flow through your fallopian tubes unimpeded.”

Discovering no problems sounds like good news to me, but Rosalie frowns and says tightly, “So it’s another dead end and we still have no reason for why we have no baby? What about the tests from last week?”

“Those results were all within the normal range,” Dr Richards answers. “I realise it’s frustrating to have no answers, but this is not bad news. As long as we haven’t found a problem, there’s still a chance you’ll achieve a pregnancy.”

“Except that we haven’t,” Rosalie says flatly.

Dr Richards makes a non-committal noise. “I know it’s difficult. But you’re scheduled to do the other tests later in your cycle and once we have all the results we’ll get together for a longer appointment and discuss what your options are going forward.”

Rosalie doesn’t say anything as we leave the clinic, climbing into the Jeep and slamming the door with unnecessary force.

“Hey,” I say, gently reaching across to touch her. “It’s okay.”

“I hate this!” Rosalie says through gritted teeth. “I hate that I’m not pregnant, I hate not knowing why, I hate that we have to do all these tests, I hate feeling like there’s something wrong with me…” She bites off her words. “I hate this!”

“I’m sorry.”

For a moment she glowers out of the windscreen, but then the fight seems to drain out of her and she leans into my shoulder. “No, _I’m_ sorry.”

“We’re going to get through this,” I say quietly. “Whatever happens, we’re going to be fine.”

I drive her home, and it’s clear that it’s a bad day for her when she curls up on the sofa and turns on The Little Mermaid. It’s always been her pick of escapist movie when she’s sick or hurting or hating the world, and I think she’s all three today. There’s not a lot I can do, but I make some tea and dig out the emergency stash of chocolate for her, and maybe it helps a little.

We spend the rest of the morning on the sofa together. Rosalie lies with her feet in my lap and watches her movie, and I bring out a sketchbook and do some work, pulling together some ideas that I’ve been tossing around with a client over email. My attention keeps wandering though and I find myself sketching Rosalie instead of the Japanese themed piece I’m supposed to be working on. The sadness in her face that my pencil reveals makes my heart ache.

“Are you drawing me?” Rosalie looks over at me as the credits roll.

“Yeah. You’re hard to draw though – you’re too perfect” I grin at her. Rosalie’s face is so flawlessly exquisite that my portraits often have an element of unreality. “When I first went to work for Jonah he always criticized my pictures of you, said that they were too idealised and no one looks like that…still makes me laugh remembering the look on his face the first day he actually saw you! He still said my portraits were crap, though once he knew how beautiful you really are he switched to telling me I wasn’t doing you justice.”

“I think you make me look good.” Rosalie moves towards me and I toss the sketchbook towards the coffee table and pull her onto my lap.

“How are you doing?” I ask, tenderly stroking her hair. “Will you be okay here while I go into work?”

She nods. “I feel pretty good now. I’ve had some cramps, but it’s just kind of like having my period. No big deal.”

“If you’re sure then.” I kiss her neck, in the sensitive spot right below her ear. “I love you.”

I’m hesitant to leave her, but my afternoon is booked solid and Rosalie assures me that she’s going to be fine. So I give her some kisses and find the second emergency stash of chocolate, and then pack up my stuff and head into the shop.

I finish up in the early evening and call Rosalie to see how she’s doing and ask if she wants me to bring anything home for dinner. I’m not sure how I feel when she tells me not to bother, that Esme and Alice are there with the twins and Carlisle is going to bring pizza for everyone once he’s finished at the hospital. I know that Alice’s pregnancy means we’re under time pressure to make decisions and firm up plans, but after the invasive and demanding test of the morning I half wish I could put it off another day.

I think I’ve missed a lot of talk though anyway, by the time I get home. Alice and Rosalie are sitting at the kitchen table, laughing as they paint a beaming Ruthie’s fingernails and braid her hair, but it’s pretty obvious that they’ve both been crying.

“How are my girls?” I kiss Rosalie on the top of her head and boop Ruthie on the nose.

“We’re good,” Rosalie answers, giving me a smile. “How was work?”

“Not too bad.” I wander over to the fridge and drink some milk out of the carton. “Are you two…okay?”

“We’ve been talking,” Alice tells me, blowing on Ruthie’s now purple nails. “Rosalie called me so I came over after school, and then Mom came over with the twins and Dad’s coming after work. We’re going to work everything out.” Her voice sounds bright, but I can see the strain in her face.

“Toes too?” Ruthie imitates Alice and blows on her own fingertips. “Purple toes too?”

“Sure.” Alice lifts Ruthie’s feet into her lap and starts pulling off her sneakers, and I head outside to look for Esme and Abraham.

I’m pretty sure I know where they’ll be, and sure enough I find them down by the river. Esme is sitting on the old fallen tree and shivering in the evening air while she watches Abraham happily hurl things into the stream, laughing at the water splashing over his legs. Clementine is with them too, although as she sees me approaching she snorts and comes trotting hastily over on her tiny donkey hooves. Esme looks up and waves a welcome.

“Hey.” Before I sit down, I unzip my hoodie and drape it over Esme’s shoulder. “Here you go; you look cold.”

“Thank you Emmett.” Esme sighs and slips her arms into the sleeves, rolling them up several times so that they’re not hanging a foot over her hands. “How are you?”

“Not bad.” I scratch Clementine behind her ears and stroke her nose as she rests her head on my leg. “Are you here…what did Alice tell you?”

Esme squeezes my arm. “She and I had a long talk yesterday and she told me that she asked you and Rosalie to adopt the baby.”

I let out a deep breath. “What do you think?”

“I think it could be a wonderful thing for everyone,” Esme says quietly. “Not completely without heartache, but even so. I had thought of it, although of course I didn’t want to influence Alice and so couldn’t say anything. But I know my daughter and I know she doesn’t want to be a mother. If there is anyone in the world I could see Alice trusting her baby to it would be you- you raised her and she loves you for it. She knows, and I know, that you and Rosalie would do an amazing job.”

“Adopting the baby would be great for Rosalie and I,” I admit. “You know, we’ve been trying to have our own baby for ages and there’s some kind of problem, right?”

“I wondered if that was the case,” Esme says. “It was quite some time ago that you told me you and Rosalie were looking forward to having babies, and there hasn’t been any announcement…I’m sorry.”

“I thought you knew. Didn’t Carlisle tell you when I asked him about getting me tested?”

Esme laughs a little. “Emmett, you went to him as a doctor, not your dad…he _can’t_ tell me in those circumstances.”

“Oh. Well, we’ve just started looking into it. I asked Carlisle about testing and he did me – which was fine – but he referred us to a different doctor for Rosalie. She’s had a bunch of blood tests and ultrasounds, and this morning they did a test where they put radioactive dye up inside her and x-ray it to see…well, I don’t know, if there was something wrong they might see it, but it turns out that was fine.” I shrug. “There are still a couple more tests they’re going to do on Rosalie, but so far it’s looking like there’s no reason for us not to get pregnant in the usual way…except it’s been over a year and there’s still no baby.”

Esme pats my leg. “I’m so sorry.”

“So Alice being pregnant and asking us to raise the baby seems like a gift from heaven,” I say slowly. “But it’s not that simple, is it? I mean, fuck knows I don’t care about biology; you and Carlisle adopted me and you’ve been a thousand times the family my biological parents ever were. If I adopt it, this baby won’t have to be my blood to feel like mine. But is Rosalie going to feel the same was, deep down in her heart? Or is she going to feel that she missed out on something by becoming a mother without being pregnant and giving birth and all that? She wouldn’t be a horrible person to want that.”

“That’s something for Rosalie to think about and answer. Certainly pregnancy and birth is an experience that some women desire very much. But I can tell you from experience that it’s not a necessary pathway to being a mother.” Esme reaches up and kisses my cheek. “You’re right that genetics don’t really matter at all, but Alice is your sister and the baby will be biologically related to you anyway. If it looks like her, it might even look like you. And actually, if it takes after Jasper it’s going to be tall and blonde and pretty, and if you can’t describe Rosalie in exactly that way then I don’t know how you would!” Esme chuckles. “I’ve always thought that Rosalie and Jasper look like they’re related.”

I laugh. “I never even thought about it, but that’s true.” My smiles fades. “So I can see how this works out perfectly for Rosalie and I. But what about Alice? Going through with the pregnancy, giving birth…and then having to walk away? Being pregnant isn’t exactly a walk in the park, is it? And then she’ll have a baby, but NOT have it…she’s have to watch Rosalie be the mother that she could have been. Even if she doesn’t want the baby and is perfectly happy to have us raise it, she is still going to lose something. And the baby itself…it gets me and Rosalie, and we’re going to do everything we can for it. It will have you and Carlisle too, and Alice in whatever capacity she wants. It’s going to be loved and wanted and treated right, and it’s never going to be lacking for people to love it, but being adopted is sometimes…hard. Even when you have the best adopted parents in the world.” I give Esme a lopsided smile. “I want to do this, so much that it kind of scares me…but it’s not a situation where no one gets hurt, is it?”


	11. How to Make a Family

Esme smiles at me, and squeezes my arm again. “You’re going to be a wonderful dad. And you’re right that there’s a lot of room for hurt in this scenario, but there’s a lot of room for things to go right and I think they will. You’ve always been very protective of Alice and that has always been one of the things I love about you, but she’s not the little girl that she was. She’s not as flighty and irresponsible as you think she is, either.”

“She’s pregnant and still in high school,” I object. “Isn’t that kind of the textbook example of being irresponsible?”

“Well, perhaps!” Esme laughs a little. “But what I’m saying is that even though it’s going to be difficult, I believe that Alice is mature enough to make this decision. She’s not making her choice lightly or impulsively. She’s thought about what it will mean to carry and birth the baby, and then see it grow up with you and Rosalie, and she wants that. Alice loves the baby and wants it to have a wonderful life, and she thinks you and Rosalie are perfectly placed to give it that when she herself doesn’t want to. Yes, it’s going to hurt her to some degree, but in her mind that hurt doesn’t outweigh the benefits she sees.”

“It’s just…she’s my monkey, you know? I’m used to fixing things so that they _don’t_ hurt her, not going along with something that I know will be the hardest thing she’s ever done.” I worry at my knuckles. “And if I take the baby and she regrets it, then I’m going to feel part of it. On the other hand, if we say yes and go ahead and then she changes her mind and keeps the baby, Rosalie and I are going to be devastated.”

“That’s a risk you take when you decide to become a parent, and I don’t say that lightly. Losing a child, through death or through…just losing them, is not something you ever get over,” Esme says quietly, and I remember that long before she had us she had a baby who died, and that many years later there was a failed adoption of a foster kid they’d already come to love. “But it’s possibly to survive it, and it’s possible to have other children and love them too. You can’t be afraid to keep on living.”

“It’s just so sudden,” I say. “Rosalie and I had never even talked about adoption at all, and now we’re talking about a specific baby. And…hey!” I lunge forward and grab the back of Abraham’s sweater just in time to prevent him toppling headlong into the water as he reaches for a stick that’s snagged on a rock. “Watch out, buddy!”

Esme laughs and reaches out to steady Abraham. “Looks like you’ve got all the right instincts. Maybe you should listen to them.”

“I just want to do the right thing,” I say quietly. “By everyone.”

“And I’m sure you will.” Esme stands up and brushes herself off. “I think we should go back to the house. It’s getting cold and Abraham is very wet.”

Abraham doesn’t like this idea at all, and throws a handful of sticks and dirt right at Esme before trying to fling himself into the river. I take a firmer grip on the back of his clothes and haul him away, thinking that maybe parenting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

“Enough of that!” I say sternly. “Time to go inside; how about you behave nicely and you can ride Clementine back to the house?”

Abraham’s eyes flick between the water and the donkey, and Clementine wins out. He scrambles over to her and I lift him on as Clementine blinks at me reproachfully with her long lashes. For a beast of burden she really is extremely resentful of any burdens being placed on her. I keep a grip on the back of his sweater so he can’t fall off, and Esme takes Clementine’s halter and leads her back towards the house.

Rosalie and Alice are in the living room, looking at something on the laptop together while Ruthie draws in one of my sketchbooks. When Rosalie sees Esme peeling off Abraham’s wet, muddy clothes in the kitchen she gets to her feet.

“I’ll go and grab a towel for him,” she says.

I follow her into the hallway and give her a gentle hug when she stops by the linen closet. “Are you okay? How are you feeling now?”

“After this morning you mean?” Rosalie smiles at me, reaching into the closet. “I’m fine. Really I could have gone into work, there would have been no problem, but I’d booked the day off so I figured I might as well take it.”

“And you and Alice have been talking?” I ask.

“Yes. I think I understand the way she’s feeling now, and why she wants this.” Rosalie grips the towel tightly between two hands for a moment, before she takes a deep breath and a slow smile breaks over her face. “My god Emmett, I can’t believe it…and this isn’t at all the way I thought it would be…but I think we’re going to have a baby.”

_____________________________________________________

Carlisle arrives with the pizza shortly after we’ve got Abraham into some clean, dry clothes, and soon we’re all sitting at the table eating. I’m starving and am already on my third slice when Alice finishes her first and says,” Well I’ve talked to Rosalie and Emmett now, and I think them having the baby is going to work out just fine.”

“So everyone feels comfortable with that idea?” Carlisle looks at Rosalie and I. “It’s a big decision. I know we’re on a bit of a time crunch, but Alice only sprang this on you yesterday; if you need a day or two to think about it you should take it.”

Rosalie touches my thigh under the table and I reach down and clasp her hand. “No, we’re good. If Alice is sure, then we are too.”

“And I am very, very sure,” Alice breaks in. “I am absolutely positive that this is what I want to do, and it’s the best thing I could possibly do for the baby.”

“Okay, well that’s good. We’ll move forward with the plan that you’ll carry the baby and Emmett and Rosalie will adopt it. But,” Carlisle adds emphatically, “This is a _plan_ only. You can change your mind at any time, okay? I want everyone to be very clear on that. Alice has the legal right to change her mind at any point until the final papers are signed.”

“I’m not going to change my mind,” Alice says hastily.

Carlisle smiles at her tenderly. “I’m only saying that everyone needs to accept that it’s a possibility. I don’t want you to feel under any pressure, or feel coerced into doing something that you don’t want to do; we love you and our support of you is unconditional. The same goes for Jasper – he has the right to decide he wants to parent if he wants to, and I’m going to sit down and talk to him and make sure he understands that. Okay, Emmett and Rosalie?”

“We understand that,” Rosalie says. “And I guess that leads to what I want to be sure about; this will be a standard, legal adoption?”

“Absolutely,” Carlisle nods. “We’ll have a lawyer draw everything up legally and correctly. You and Emmett will probably need a home study done, and may need your own lawyer to review the paperwork. I think everyone can sign before the birth, although there will be a period of time after the baby is born where Alice still has the option to change her mind. But once the adoption is finalised, it will absolutely be your baby.”

“What about expenses? Emmett and I will cover all the legal costs, and we can take care of Alice’s medical expenses,” Rosalie says, ever practical.

Carlisle shakes his head. “I think it’s better if Esme and I take care of the financial aspects. We have a family lawyer we’ve worked with before, and our health insurance is good and will cover most of the costs. I know you mean well Rosalie, but I don’t want to create a situation where Alice feels indebted. You and Emmett will need to pay for your home study, and if you want a lawyer of your own you can be responsible for that too. You should investigate how to add the baby to your insurance once it’s born though.”

Rosalie nods. “That’s fine. But the offer stands, and if there’s anything Alice needs that we can help with, please tell us. Appointments, maternity clothes…anything.”

“Oh, clothes?” Alice perks up. “I’ll need a whole new wardrobe when I get a big belly. We can go shopping, how fun!”

“We’ll have to organise your prenatal care,” Carlisle says to Alice. “Your age isn’t necessarily a problem, but you’re going to need to take good care of yourself.”

“The obstetricians at the women’s practice I go to are meant to be very good,” Esme says. “We can call and make an appointment tomorrow. I’m happy to take you, but you can think about inviting Rosalie and Emmett along to things like ultrasound scans.”

“Oh, sure! I mean, it’s _your_ baby.” Alice smiles at Rosalie. “You’ll want to see her growing and everything, won’t you?”

Rosalie nods and says softly, “Anything you want. I don’t want to push in, but I’d really love to be as involved as you’re comfortable with.”

“You’re the mom! You have to be there! Like at the ultrasounds, and at the birth…you’ll be there then, right? You’ll have to be there to see her being born and be the first ones to hold her, so she knows that you’re her mom and dad.” Alice’s smile falters, and I can tell she’s scared. “Giving birth will be…you’ll be with me then, Emmett, won’t you?”

“Absolutely; wouldn’t miss it.” I grin at her. “As long as I don’t have to look at your vagina, we’re good. I promise Monkey Face, I’ll be there to hold your hand.”

Alice makes a face at me before Abraham leans across the table and carefully spits three half chewed pieces of pepperoni onto my plate, briefly distracting everyone.

“Thanks dude,” I say. He grins at me and adds his crust to the pile, and I shake my head at him.

Carlisle wipes Abraham’s face and hands. “The important thing is for everyone to keep communicating through this. Ask questions, even if they’re tough, tell each other how you’re feeling even if it’s uncomfortable. Be honest. It won’t be easy, but I’m optimistic that we can make it all work out. It’s a brave thing you’re doing Alice, and I know how much it means to Emmett and Rosalie. At the end of the day there’s going to be a little baby who needs us all, and even if we don’t do it the traditional way we have to make sure that we’re the best family for that baby that we can be.”

________________________________________________

“I hope the pies are okay,” Rosalie says, peering into one of the Tupperware containers in her lap. “Do you think it will matter that I didn’t do a pumpkin pie? It’s traditional, but…”

“They’ll be fine, and no one will care that there’s no pumpkin,” I say, a trifle impatiently. We’ve been having this conversation, or variations on it, ever since Rosalie volunteered to do dessert for Thanksgiving. “You bake as well as you do everything else in your life, so they’ll taste great. And since when are vegetables dessert, anyway?”

Rosalie laughs as I park the Jeep at the kerb beside Carlisle and Esme’s house. “I’ve never noticed you turning down vegetable based desserts before!”

Alice is sitting on the front step with a mug of tea that’s steaming in the chilly air. As I get closer I can smell peppermint, and see the slightly greenish tinge to her face. “You okay?”

“You know, I was feeling fine until I decided to stay pregnant and now suddenly it’s kicking my ass,” Alice says a little glumly. “I’ve thrown up the last three days, and now Mom’s making an egg salad so I thought I might just wait for Jasper outside. Dad said peppermint tea might help.” She sips at it gingerly.

“Well, I hope you can eat lunch because that smells amazing,” I say, opening the front door and inhaling the scent of roasting.

“Thanks for the sympathy,” Alice grumbles.

Rosalie rolls her eyes and thrusts the Tupperware containers at me. “Take these inside, I’ll wait out here with Alice.”

I carry the pies inside and place them on the sideboard. “There’s dessert,” I say cheerfully. “You can thank me later for all my hours slaving over a hot oven.”

Esme, busy making salad, barely spares me a glance. “I’ll thank Rosalie when she comes in.”

I chuckle and head to the oven to check on the progress of the turkey. “That smells really good. Where’s Carlisle?”

“He had to go to the hospital quickly and check on a couple of patients,” Esme says. “He’ll be back shortly. Edward and Bella should be here…about now,” she finishes, hearing the sound of voices at the front door.

They come in and greet us, and then Edward deposits a bowl of salad on the table and heads for the piano. Bella has a wrapped loaf of bread that she takes over to the counter and starts slicing.

“Homemade?” I ask, hovering hopefully at her elbow.

“Yes, it’s a sourdough.” Bella laughs and hands me the end piece. “There.”

“Thanks.” I stuff it into my mouth and wander into the library, where Edward is already sitting on the piano bench, fingering the keys with a look of bliss on his face. It feels quite odd to see him in regular clothes instead of hospital scrubs for once.

“I miss this piano,” he tells me beginning to play. “Mom and Dad said I can take it if I want, but I’d never be able to get it into the apartment.”

“You and Bella will wind up buying a house just so she has somewhere to put all her books and you have somewhere to put a grand piano,” I say.

Edward laughs and picks up the tempo. “Probably! Although I don’t get as much time to play as I’d like nowadays.”

“At least you got today off,” I say.

“Yes, thank god! I’m working Christmas though and will probably get stuck with new years as well, so I’ll make up for it.” Edward plays a complicated flourish. “And I hear congratulations are in order? You’re going to be a dad?”

“The baby…yeah.” I give him a bashful grin. “I guess I am going to be a dad. It feels weird though, and the situation is just…I don’t know. I mean, we’re happy and all, but…”

It’s hard to explain the conflicting emotions that the planned adoption brings. It’s the realisation of a dream and I couldn’t be happier about building a family with Rosalie, but knowing what it’s going to mean for Alice is a drop of bitterness poisoning the sweetness. Rosalie has also filled me in on first trimester miscarriage risks and that, combined with the unnerving truth that Alice could change her mind at any time, has put a dampener on my natural excitement. But Edward’s congratulations, given so naturally, make it all seem just a tiny bit more real and that feels good.

“It’s kind of hard to be excited,” I say slowly. “It all feels…precarious. Like it could all fall apart at any moment, and when it’s something that we want so badly.”

“Any pregnancy would be like that though. Admittedly this one has a few extra potential complications, but even so. And although I know you’ll be worrying about Alice and how hard it might be for her…you and Rosalie have the right to feel excited at the same time,” Edward says softly. “You’re going to have a baby, and that _should_ be something you can celebrate.”

Edward’s only been my brother since we were sixteen, but he sees me with such clarity that it’s like he’s always known me.

“Thanks,” I say, “That’s…it means a lot.”

“You’re welcome. I’m really happy for you; I think it’s going to turn a bad situation into something great. I’ve talked to Alice quite a bit too, and you probably don’t have to be overly concerned about her changing her mind either…she’s determined, and when have you ever known Alice to _not_ get what she wants?” Edward grins, and I can’t help laughing.

“That’s pretty true,” I acknowledge.

“She’s thought it through,” Edward says, and there’s a faint note of surprise and respect in his voice. “I won’t deny that I was surprised when she told me, but honestly I’ve never heard her sound so mature and reasonable about anything. I was really impressed with her, she has a far greater level of self-awareness than you and I tend to give her credit for…she’s really not a little girl anymore.”


	12. The Past and the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – I just want to say thank you as always for reading and commenting! I’m sorry that updates are a little slower being posted than I usually do, I’m working at the moment and don’t have as much time to write as I would like – thank you for hanging in there with me!

Carlisle is delayed at the hospital but fortunately arrives home before my fears of dried out turkey come to pass. In fact all the food is perfect, and I’m only sorry we don’t have bigger plates when I’m loading mine up and settling down at the table. It’s great to sit down and eat with my family, which is something that we don’t often manage with everyone’s schedules.

“Thank you to all the chefs,” Carlisle says with a smile, leaning back in his chair at the end and dropping his napkin onto his empty plate. “Excellent job.”

“You’re welcome,” I say grandly, still picking at a turkey leg.

“You didn’t do anything!” Alice protests.

Everyone laughs, and Esme winks at me. “Emmett’s going to load the dishwasher for his contribution.”

“Damn, I should have baked,” I mutter. “Oh well…anyone mind if I finish the potatoes?”

No one else seems to mind, so I eat what’s left straight out of the serving bowl, despite the somewhat uncomfortable fullness in my belly. It’s all too good to just leave.

“Now we all have to go round and say what we’re thankful for,” Alice says. She’s barely eaten anything and actually left the table to throw up when the egg salad came out, but she’s smiling and looks happy enough. “And you can’t just say family because that’s what everyone would say, so we know and it’s boring. I’ll start…I’m thankful that Jasper moved to town this year.”

Next to her, Jasper blushes awkwardly. “I’m thankful that you invited me to be here for Thanksgiving today. It’s my first Thanksgiving really and so…it’s been good, and I appreciate it. Thank you.”

“I’m thankful for my job. I really love having challenging, meaningful work,” Rosalie says when it’s her turn.

“I’m thankful that I’ve found a new place to buy donkey food that’s fifty cents cheaper a pound,” I say. “And I’m thankful for my gorgeous wife and the fact that she’s going to take me skiing for Christmas.” I grin at Rosalie and reach across to kiss her. “Thank you.”

Edward laughs. “I’m thankful I have the day off! And Bella my love, I really appreciate that you put up with my crazy hours.”

“I’m thankful for the time alone!” Bella jokes. “But seriously, this year I’m thankful for my dad’s good health.”

“I’m thankful that Abraham and Ruthie’s mom is doing so well that they were able to go spend the day with her for Thanksgiving,” Esme says, adding with sigh, “Although I DO miss them.”

Carlisle hugs her and then says, with an affectionate grin towards Alice, “Well, despite what Little Miss Bossy over there thinks, I’m going to take the opportunity to say that I’m very thankful for my family, for each and every one of you and the way you care for and support each other no matter what. Nothing could make me prouder than looking around this table at our family.”

Rosalie clasps my hand under the table and I squeeze back. I know how much this means to her. An only child, whose own parents gave her everything but their time, all Rosalie has ever wanted was to create this kind of family for herself. I want it too. I can’t change my own poverty stricken, abusive childhood, but being adopted by the Cullens showed me what’s possible and I know that when we get the chance to start our own family, Rosalie and I are going to do it right.

Esme begins gathering up the empty plates, and I stand up and take them from her. “Don’t worry about it – I didn’t do any cooking so I’ll clean up. Jasper’ll help me, right?”

I shove a pile of plates at him and he takes them with a look of mild alarm. “Sure. Thank you Esme, everyone.”

Everyone leaves the table, and I scoop up another armful of crockery and carry it over to the sink. “If you want to load that into the dishwasher, I’ll clear the table,” I say to Jasper.

Jasper starts slotting things into the dishwasher rack and I clear the table, scraping plates into the trash and storing leftovers in Tupperware, eating the odd fork full here and there. Jasper eyes me and then reaches for the last piece of pie

“Mind if I eat this?”

“Be my guest.” I start filling the sink to wash the serving dishes that won’t fit in the dishwasher. “I guess I’ve been kind of a dick to you,” I say after a moment.

Jasper chokes on the pie. “Uh…maybe a little bit?” He meets my eye and then laughs suddenly. “Yes, yes you have.”

The laughter transforms his usually serious face, and for the first time I think that maybe I could genuinely like the guy.

I laugh too, and toss him a dishtowel. “Here, you can dry. Anyway, I wanted to say I’m sorry. I should have given you more of a chance.”

“It’s okay,” Jasper shrugs. “I get it; you’ve always taken care of Alice and you want the best for her, and I’m the knucklehead that got her pregnant. You haven’t said anything to, or about, me that I haven’t said to myself, believe me.” He smiles ruefully. “I know how this looks to you. But I’ll also say that I love Alice and am fully committed to being with her and doing whatever she needs me too. I know I’m only seventeen, but I’m serious about this.”

“It’s not your age,” I say with a sigh. “I was sixteen when I met Rosalie…sometimes it happens. There’s never been anyone else for me.”

Jasper seems to relax a little. “I’m glad you and Rosalie are taking the baby. Alice really wanted it to work out that way.”

“It’s what you want too though?”

“If she doesn’t want to have an abortion, yes.” Jasper looks at me defiantly. “I would have done the right thing by Alice - and the baby – if she wanted to keep it, but I’m glad she doesn’t. I would be the world’s shittiest father right now, and the baby deserves better than that. You and Rosalie are adults with jobs and a house and money and you don’t seem like you’re the type to beat the kid or anything, so…”

“God no.” I have an involuntary flash of memory of my stepfather and the basement, and the skin on my back ripples. “I won’t be a perfect dad by any stretch, but that…I can guarantee you that I will never hurt a child.”

“Alice told me about some of the stuff that happened to you. I had some similar experiences growing up. My...family…the people I lived with…I don’t even know what to call them anymore.” Jasper shifts uneasily. “It’s difficult to talk about because it’s all so crazy; I don’t even know how to describe it. For years I thought the way we lived was normal and it was all there was, but there was a lot of violence and other messed up stuff. I had a friend who left, and I was lucky enough that he came back for me. He helped me get out and then set me up to live on my own, and he checks in on me sometimes. Things are a lot better for me now, but I’m still kind of figuring out what normal is and how to live like everyone else does.”

“Yeah…I know how that is.”

If my hands weren’t submerged in soapsuds I think I’d be biting my knuckles right now. What Jasper is saying hits pretty close to home. It’s uncomfortable to remember how skewed my own sense of what was normal was after growing up with abuse and drug use and neglect. It took a long time, and a lot of effort from the Cullens and my therapist, along with building relationships with Edward and Rosalie, for me to really understand how people should be towards each other. I looked after Alice through that mess, but I know I would never have been ready to be a good parent without the framework that I have now. Jasper obviously recognises that about himself, and I feel my respect for him strengthening.

“You and Rosalie have it together now though,” Jasper says, reaching for another platter to dry. “And Alice says you really want a baby and you’ll be good parents to this one. She’s also really happy that she’ll still be able to see the baby sometimes; she didn’t want to just give it away to strangers.”

“We’d never keep the baby away from her,” I say. “She can see it whenever she wants. You too…whatever goes on with you and Alice, and I mean that. Rosalie and I are going to be the mom and dad, but we’re never going to make a secret out of the fact that the baby is adopted.”

“I didn’t know how you wanted to deal with that. But you’re really going to tell the baby that it’s adopted?” Jasper asks.

I nod. “Yeah. Honesty is important, and sometimes with adoption it’s easier when you know where you came from. I think the baby needs to know their own story, all the way along.” I shrug a little self-consciously. “I mean, little kids can understand and deal with all kinds of shit when you explain it the right way. And ultimately all that really matters is that they know that someone loves them…and I think we can do that.”

_________________________________________________

“You’re late,” Rosalie says tightly.

“Yeah sorry, the client was late and then they had the worst damn skin I’ve ever worked on…” I let the words trail off as I follow a tight-lipped Rosalie into the clinic. The excuses aren’t important; my slight tardiness isn’t the real problem here.

The lateness isn’t important anyway. Dr Richards is running late and it’s a silent forty-minute wait in the foyer before we’re called in.

“Rosalie, Emmett, take a seat.” Dr Richards moves through a few computer screens and then looks at us across the desk. “I’ve reviewed all the test results I have for you.”

I try to smile. “Good news or bad?”

“Well, that depends.” Dr Richards gives me a sympathetic smile in return. “None of the tests have revealed any problems. Sperm analysis was fine, HSG was clear, hormone levels are all normal, ovarian reserves are normal and you’re ovulating on time with a good luteal phase length…we haven’t discovered any reason that you _can’t_ achieve a pregnancy.”

“But we haven’t,” Rosalie says quietly.

Dr Richards nods. “No. This is what we call unexplained infertility – it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s nothing wrong, but it does mean that we don’t know what the problem is.”

“So what can we do? I mean, if you don’t know what the problem is, how can we do anything about it?” I ask.

“There are a few options,” Dr Richards says. “Your first option is just to go home and keep trying to conceive naturally. This might seem like a waste of time, but there are some couples who simply take a little longer. I wouldn’t recommend this course of action if age was a factor, but you’re both twenty-seven and that’s young compared to the majority of couples we treat here. You have time to take a less aggressive approach if you want to. However if you would like to move ahead with treatment, I would recommend that you undertake IVF. You might need to check with your insurance about coverage, as some of them cover it only after exhausting less invasive treatments like IUI, but in your case I think IVF offers the best chance for success.”

The acronyms leave me confused, and Dr Richards notices my blank expression and smiles reassuring. “It’s a big decision and a lot to take in. The clinic has put together some information for people considering assisted reproductive technologies that explains the different processes involved.” She slides a stapled booklet across the desk towards us. “I recommend taking this home and reading it, and then talking over your options and where you want to go from here. We’re happy to make an appointment to talk it all over with you and make a treatment plan.”

Rosalie takes the booklet but doesn’t seem inclined to talk, so the appointment comes to a pretty quick end. Outside she gives me a distracted kiss and tells me to go home and start dinner, and she’ll grab some groceries and come home afterwards.

Back at the house I put chicken in the oven and prep some vegetables, and then take the peelings and the off-cuts out to Clementine. She’s happy to see me and once she’s done eating I pick up the currycomb and start scraping off the dried mud and smoothing out her fur. She likes being groomed and stands placidly in front of me as I sit on the bottom step and work.

“Dinner smells good.” Rosalie sits on the step beside me and hands me a beer. “Hello little donkey.” She rubs Clementine’s nose.

“Thanks.” I take the beer and pull her close for a kiss. “It shouldn’t be too long. How are you doing? Our appointment…are you okay?”

Rosalie shrugs. “It was pretty much what I expected. After the HSG was clear and the earlier blood tests were normal I didn’t really think they’d find anything.” She grimaces. “It doesn’t make it any less frustrating though.”

“Does it matter as much?” I ask cautiously. “Since we’re going to have a baby anyway…?”

“It still matters.” Rosalie leans against me, and my heart twists when I see the tears shimmering on her eyelashes. “If something goes wrong… I love the baby that’s coming, and adopting isn’t any less a way of becoming a mother, I know that. But I can’t help wishing that I could do this for you…it hurts that I can’t, and that I might never be able to.”

“Aww Rosa-girl, don’t.” I wrap an arm around her and hold her close, kissing the side of her head. “I’ve told you, I don’t care. I love you for _you_ , not because of anything you give me, and that includes babies. We’re going to adopt Alice’s baby and you’re going to be the best mom in the world, and that’s all that really matters to me.”

“And after that? We always said we wanted more than one,” Rosalie points out. “I think it’s unlikely that Alice will be making any more babies for us…at least I hope not!”

I snort. “No, I think she’s learned her lesson with this one! But seriously, we’ll deal with later when it comes. I know you don’t want an only child, so when we’re ready to give this first little one a younger brother or sister - or IF something should go wrong with Alice’s pregnancy - we’ll work it out. There are other avenues we could look into for adopting, like agencies or foster care. Or we can go back to Dr Richards and do the science thing. Remember, she said there wasn’t any reason that we couldn’t get pregnant, so they can probably cook us up a baby in the lab and we’ll be fine.”

“You make it all sound so simple,” Rosalie sighs.

“You make it all harder than it needs to be,” I return gently. “Today’s appointment was really about information, that’s all. We don’t need to worry about any of it yet, since with this adoption on the go it’s basically like we’re pregnant already. I mean, we’re got an ultrasound appointment to see our baby set up and everything!”

Rosalie laughs half heartedly, although her smile fades quickly. “I guess I’m just scared to get too excited, when it’s all out of my control and there are so many things that can go wrong. None of this feels real.”

“Well, watching Alice puke her way through Thanksgiving and then throw up in the shop when she came to visit me yesterday made it seem pretty real to me,” I say. “And it will be you one day too, if you want it! Look at what kind of shit YOU can build in the lab…one weeny little embryo must be simple in comparison!”

This time Rosalie’s laugh is genuine. “I love your faith in science here!”

“I have faith in YOU. If you want to get pregnant and have a bio baby one day, we’ll make it happen. Or else we’ll find another baby that needs a family and step up for them. But we’ve got a little one on the way, and that’s what we need to think about now.” I breathe in the scent of Rosalie’s hair and kiss her again, smiling as her willing mouth meets mine. It might not be perfect…but this life is good.


	13. The Foundation We Build On

“I hope we don’t have to wait much longer,” Alice mutters, shifting uncomfortably on the examination table. “Dad told me to drink a bottle of water an hour before the ultrasound appointment time, and I feel like I’m going to pee my pants if I can’t go to the bathroom soon.”

“Well, we don’t want that!” the sonographer says cheerfully, marching into the room and pulling the door closed behind her. “A full bladder makes it easier to see the uterus, but I know it can be uncomfortable, especially when you’re pregnant. So why don’t you lie back Mom, and we can take a look?”

Alice obediently swings her legs up and lies back against the pillow. “Okay, but I’m not the mom…she is. I mean, the baby’s in there,” she amends, patting her stomach as the sonographer glances in confusion from Alice to Rosalie. “But they’re going to adopt it, so it’s really their baby.”

“Okay then. How about you two stand over there near Alice’s head then, so you can get a good view of what’s going on?” The sonographer switches on the machines and smiles at Alice. “Would you like me to make a note in your file about the adoption plans? That way you won’t have to explain the situation every time you’re in here.”

“That would be good,” Alice agrees. “What do I have to do with my clothes?”

“Just pull your shirt up to your ribs and push your pants down over your hips a little; we’ll try and get a good look abdominally first, although we may need to go trans-vaginally if we can’t.”

I sincerely hope we don’t need to do that. I might have changed Alice’s diapers back in the day, but that was years ago and I’d really rather stay away from my sister’s nether regions now. It already feels oddly intimate just standing by her, watching the sonographer spread some kind of gel over Alice’s still basically flat belly between her hipbones.

“You still can’t tell I’m pregnant just by looking,” Alice says. “If I hadn’t thrown up every day for a month I might find it hard to believe there’s a baby in there at all.”

The sonographer presses the probe against Alice’s skin. “Well there’s no doubt there’s a baby in there…and there it is.”

The black and grey image shifts quickly, different parts flickering in and out of focus, but it’s clearer than I had expected. The oversized head, curve of spine and belly and nose, jerky movements of arms and legs, and in the centre of it all a fluttering, throbbing heartbeat... Without taking my eyes off the screen I reach back and clasp Rosalie’s hand.

_That’s our baby._

“Oh my god, look at her move!” Alice says in shock. “She’s like a fish or something. And I can’t feel any of that!”

The sonographer laughs. “It’s a lively one, but the foetus is still less than three inches long. You won’t feel movement for a good few weeks yet.”

“But she’s so active! Look at that, she’s practically doing somersaults…and the little nose! I thought she was still kind of a blob, but that’s like a real tiny person.” Alice is gazing at the moving images in fascination.

“At this state of development, around twelve weeks, all the major body systems have begun to develop. I’m taking a lot of measurements today, just to make sure everything’s on track. So you can see the head, and the face in profile. Here’s the spine…the stomach…beautiful heartbeat…let’s try for leg length…we’re looking at the blood flow through the umbilical cord…” The sonographer keeps freezing the screen, dragging rulers across the images and clicking on the computer with her free hand.

I can’t look away. It looks like something off the sci-fi channel, especially when the sonographer flips a switch and turns it into the bizarre, sepia toned 3d image mode. But no matter how weird it looks, it still makes my heart lurch.

_Hey baby. I’m gonna be your dad._

“That is kind of disgustingly cool,” Alice says, before she cranes her head backwards to looks at Rosalie and I. “What do you think? I’m sure she’ll be better looking by the time she’s born. Less…alien looking?”

The sonographer laughs, and Rosalie squeezes Alice’s shoulder. “She looks beautiful,” she says softly.

“I can’t confirm the sex for you, but I can say that baby looks just like it’s supposed to at this stage,” the sonographer tells us. “All the measurements are normal and development is right on track. You’re thirteen weeks and one day along, and you’re looking at a due date of the first of July.”

“Just in time for fireworks,” Alice comments, squirming slightly. “And as cool as this all is…are we finished? Because I need the bathroom in the worst way and I don’t know how much longer I can hold it.”

“We’re done,” the sonographer says, handing Alice a wad of tissues to wipe the jelly off her stomach. “Bathroom is across the hall.”

“It’s all okay?” Rosalie asks as Alice leaps off the exam table and bolts. “There are no concerns?”

“Everything’s fine,” the sonographer confirms. She prints out a strip of images and hands them to Rosalie with a smile. “Congratulations.”

Rosalie gazes at the pictures as we wait for Alice, her face rapt. “That was so amazing,” she breathes. “Look at her…our baby, Emmett!”

I wrap my arms around her and hug her, my heart lifting. “I know! But it might not be a girl, despite what Alice says.”

Rosalie giggles. “I don’t care either way, but I guess Alice has me convinced.”

“It’s a girl.” Alice appears at my shoulder. “Oh, they gave you pictures! Cool.”

Rosalie holds them out. “You can have them if you want. I mean, they’re yours…” Her tone of voice is light, but I catch the faintest twitch of her fingers on the photograph paper. She doesn’t want to give them up.

“No, they’re yours.” Alice shakes her head emphatically. “Maybe you can show Jasper one day or something, but she’s your baby and these are her first photos. You can start a scrapbook or something.”

“Her first photos. Not the last though, imagine how my mother is going to be once she gets her camera near the baby.” Rosalie raises an eyebrow at me. “I guess we could maybe tell my parents now?”

Alice smiles eagerly. “You can tell everybody! You’re having a baby- you should be excited! You have to start planning out her nursery and buying her clothes and…I don’t know. Do you throw a baby shower? Do you need a minivan or something?” Her smile falters and she looks at me anxiously. “She deserves to be…wanted. You know? I want her to be loved, right from the start. I want you guys to think of her as _yours._ Be excited. Plan stuff. She’s coming in six months and you have to be ready and in love with her.”

I glance at Rosalie. I understand what Alice is saying, but it’s not easy. Rosalie and I _do_ want this baby – desperately – and I know that they’re going to be born into more love than they’ll know what to do with, but opening our hearts at this point feels so fraught.

“We’re excited,” I say softly. “So happy and excited, and we’re going to love this baby so hard…girl OR boy, they’re never going to have to wonder about how much we wanted them.”

“We just don’t always know exactly how to act though,” Rosalie says hesitantly. “We don’t want to do the wrong thing. This baby…Emmett and I want her so much, and we’re so committed to being her parents. But right now, _you’re_ the one pregnant. You’re the mother that matters right now, not me, and we don’t want to do anything that puts pressure on you or makes you feel like you can’t make a free choice.”

Alice reaches out and squeezes Rosalie’s free hand. “I don’t know how I can convince you that I won’t change my mind, but I swear I’m not going to. I don’t think of her as mine – she’s yours and I want you to be excited. I want you to feel part of this, because it’s kind of like you’re pregnant too…except with a lot less puking I guess.” She laughs lightly.

Rosalie looks down at the ultrasound images in her hand. “You joke about the vomiting, but it’s hard to really believe that it’s happening when it’s not happening to you and there are no signs at all! It wasn’t all about you changing your mind either; there’s the risk of miscarriage in the first trimester and I didn’t want to get ahead of things. But seeing her today has made it feel so much more real.” Rosalie’s smile makes her face glow, and she reaches out and hugs Alice. “You don’t need to worry about how much she’s wanted Alice, not for one moment.”

“Please don’t start crying again,” I beg. “I’m not sure I can cope with another six months of you two weeping every time you get together and talk about this baby.”

“No one’s crying,” Alice says quickly (and untruthfully), wiping her eyes and smiling at me. “No more than you were crying when Lainey was tattooing you!”

“Sure, sure, make fun of me…” I sling an arm around Rosalie and kiss the side of her head, and she turns her head and captures my lips.

“I’m going to work now. Are you giving Alice a ride?”

“Yeah, I said I’d drop her at school. And maybe…can I have these?” I grin at Rosalie and pluck the strip of pictures from her hands. “I might swing by and show Esme her grandbaby.”

With a hint of reluctance Rosalie cedes the scans to me, and then she heads off to her BMW and takes off for the lab, and I take Alice and climb into the Jeep. She’s hungry, so I run through the drive-thru on the way to her school and then park out front while we eat.

“I haven’t been sick in almost a week,” she informs me, scarfing down a burrito. “But now I’m starving all the time; all I want to do is eat and sleep.” She opens her backpack and shows me the pile of granola bars and packages of dried fruit. “Being pregnant is crazy…can I eat your second quesadilla?”

“Be my guest.” I finish the first quesadilla and lick the sauce off my fingers. “How’s school going? Do they know you’re pregnant?”

“Well I didn’t really intend to tell anyone, but all the puking kind of gave it away,” Alice admits. “And I fell asleep in English – twice – but we were watching a movie, so who can blame me?”

I can’t help laughing. “As long as no one’s giving you a hard time.”

“No, it’s been fine. I don’t really want to talk about it with any of the other kids, so I don’t. And frankly everyone thinks Jasper is kind of weird and scary, so no one is going to ask _him._ All the teachers know, since I was late three times in a week because of the morning sickness and got detention, and Dad called Ms Ortiz to explain. I got let off detention, which was nice!” Alice says through the last mouthful of quesadilla.

“Okay. Well, you’d better go to school…take care of yourself.” I lean across and hug Alice, and for a moment my eyes light on the strip of ultrasound pictures. “And take care of the little one too.”

___________________________________________

“You know, I never feel comfortable at the idea of taking money from your parents,” I say to Rosalie, shoving the carry on bag into the overhead locker of the plane. “But then it’s difficult when they invite us on vacation and shell out for first class plane seats, because that’s very, _very_ comfortable.” I settle into the spacious seat beside Rosalie with a sigh.

Rosalie giggles and stretches luxuriously. “I know. Honestly though Emmett…just enjoy it. I need this break, and Dad probably bought the tickets with points anyway.”

I lift her hand and kiss her knuckles. I’m not going to complain too much. I’m over six and a half feet tall and the plane is packed with people travelling for Christmas – cramming myself into an economy class seat is excruciating for me and inconvenient to everyone else around me. I like first class just for the leg and shoulder room, although once they start bringing around the booze and food I don’t mind that either.

Besides, I think Rosalie does need a break. This year has been kind of hard – she puts in long hours at work, along with writing grant proposals for more money and working on articles for publication. Our continuing failure to get pregnant, the fertility testing, and then the potential adoption have all been an emotional rollercoaster too, and looking at her now I’m can’t help noticing the shadows under her eyes. I accept a glass of champagne from the flight attendant and hand it to Rosalie with a smile. “Cheers.” A week of skiing and luxury resort living will be good for her.

Even if it does involve her parents.

Rosalie and I get to Whistler before her parents, who are flying in from Europe. We stop in our room just long enough to change clothes and leave our bags, and then hurry outside to get in some skiing before the sun goes down.

We have an exhilarating afternoon. Rosalie was strapped to a pair of skis and pushed down a slope as soon as she could stand upright, so she has some genuine skills. I didn’t learn to ski until she taught me when I was eighteen, but what I lack in experience I more than make up for with sheer bloody minded recklessness, and I’m willing to follow her down any mountainside that takes her fancy. She stays off the high level expert trails, and although I still finish the day caked in snow from several falls, at least nothing gets broken and I’ll call that a win.

“You should probably hang that jacket over the bathtub,” Rosalie says, flopping down into an armchair as we get back to the suite. “Pants too; they’re going to drip everywhere.”

I do as she suggests, stripping out of my soaked ski gear before I go and kneel in front of her to unbuckle her boots and tug them off. “I love skiing,” I tell her, tossing the boots aside and rolling down her socks. “But there is one downside to it- it requires just so many clothes.”

“Oh yes?” Rosalie smiles at me in amusement, lazily shifting in the chair so I can draw off her ski pants, and the two layers of leggings she’s got underneath them. “Is that so?”

“Oh yeah…I mean, boots and socks and pants and leggings…not to mention jackets…” I kiss her thighs and rise up on to my knees to unzip her coat, “Plus all these layers underneath. You know, if we were in the Bahamas you would have been wearing a bikini and I could have taken that off in seconds with my teeth and we’d be getting down to business already…instead of me peeling layers off you like you’re an onion.”

Rosalie gives a throaty laugh. “An onion? And ‘getting down to business’? You might want to work on your seduction techniques here, my man.”

I plant kisses on some of her newly exposed skin. “Is this a better seduction technique?” I do something with my mouth that abruptly changes Rosalie’s laugh into a breathless moan. “Does this meet with your approval?”

“Oh yes,” she murmurs, as I scoop her up from the chair and head towards the bed. “That very much meets with my approval…oh yes.”

Time loses meaning as I make love to her in the darkening room, lit only by the twinkling tree lights from outside. The love and laughter and heart in it…it occurs to me that we have lost this, a little bit, in our futile efforts to conceive. It’s only now, feeling again the familiar and enduring alchemy of the two of us together, that I realise it’s been missing and I make a promise to myself that I won’t let it go again. Whatever else we have going on in our lives, we need what we are together to be the foundation we build it on. _Oh, this is good…you are everything to me._


	14. Daffodil and Snapdragon

Rosalie and I are late down to dinner, delayed even more when we get to the upscale restaurant her parents have chosen and discover I need to wear a tie.

“Seriously?” I ask. “We’re on top of a mountain, we’re here to ski...I need to wear a necktie to eat?”

“I’m sorry sir, but it’s policy,” the hostess says smoothly. “I can offer you a loan, or ties can be purchased from one of the resort stores.”

“A loan would be great, thanks.” I surrender to the inevitable and take the tie she hands me, as always hearing Carlisle’s voice in my head instructing me on how to tie it. “Your parents make me want to tattoo my _face_ ,” I say to Rosalie. “A whole skull or something. Just to shit your dad off.”

Rosalie laughs a little guiltily. “I’m sorry, I know, but please just try and get through tonight without any issues. It’s Christmas.”

“I’m not the one with the issues,” I point out grumpily, before I relent and wrap her in a hug. “Ah, don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine. Your mom likes me well enough and your dad’s got to start mellowing out soon. We’ve been married six years and I haven’t run off with your money or ruined your life yet…he’ll have to admit he was wrong one day, right?”

Rosalie raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t make any promises. Instead she takes my hand and we follow the hostess as she guides us to one of the tables by the window. I plaster a bland smile on my face and try and drop the attitude.

It’s not easy. Rosalie’s dad hadn’t had any real problem with me dating her in high school. In truth he was so minimally involved in her life that he probably didn’t realise we even _were_ dating seriously, despite how often I was at their house and much time we spent up in her room with the door locked. He was less impressed when our relationship continued when she went to MIT to study bioengineering and I stayed home and apprenticed with Jonah. He thought not going to college meant I was going nowhere, that I’d do nothing but hold Rosalie back and that she could do a lot better. When she disagreed with him he wasn’t very happy, but when she told him she was going to marry me after her undergraduate degree was finished he completely flipped out. We were too young, I wasn’t good enough…he turned up with a pre-nup, which I was happy enough to sign but which sent Rosalie off the deep end. She never took that kindly to being told what to do, she was offended on my behalf, and her dad breaking out of the benign neglect he’d treated her with for most of her life to interfere in her relationship and wedding plans enraged her. There were some vicious arguments. In the end Carlisle talked Jack around, Rosalie renegotiated the pre-nup in my favour and allowed me to sign it, and we had a beautiful wedding.

Things are okay now. There’s sometimes a bit of tension - it’s not easy to forget your father in law shouting at your future wife that she shouldn’t waste her life on someone who does nothing but spend all day drawing on lowlifes and criminals for a pittance - but I’m not really the kind of guy to hold a grudge. After basically accusing me of being a gold digger he then got offended when I refused to take money from them after we were married (yeah…go figure) but we’ve come to an agreement on that now; he and Lily buy Rosalie her cars and foot the bill when they take us on vacation. These two expenses add up to more than my yearly income and sometimes make me feel like shit, but at least I get to go skiing out of the deal.

Lily raises her half full wineglass at us. “Hello my sweet girl, hello Emmett…we were starting to wonder if you were going to stand us up.”

“Sorry, Emmett and I flew in at lunch, so we got in a bit of skiing this afternoon. We must have lost track of time,” Rosalie says innocently, bending over to kiss her mom.

Jack stands up and hugs Rosalie. “It’s great to see you again Princess, you’re looking beautiful. Emmett, how are you doing?” He gives me a firm handshake. “How was the skiing?”

“It was great.” I shake his hand and wait until Rosalie is settled in her chair before I take a seat. “The snow is really good.”

I pick up the menu. I don’t particularly enjoy the fancy restaurants that Rosalie’s parents favour, but after a few years of experience I know enough of how to behave in them. I often have trouble with the menu and tonight’s is no exception; I _think_ it’s in English, but between the culinary terms, the intricate font and my dyslexia I can barely read it. There’s a lot of potential for embarrassment in this kind of situation, but there are a few ways to work around it. Luckily I’m not a picky eater, so I can always just indicate to something random on the menu and no matter what meal eventually lands in front of me I’ll eat it. Either that or ask for ‘the fish’ (because there’s always fish of some kind) or just wait until Rosalie or Lily have ordered and ask for the same.

Tonight I nudge Rosalie’s thigh under the table and, instantly understanding, she leans over and points at my menu, reading off two choices and asking me which one I think she should get. They’re both things she thinks I’ll like, and now I know how to pronounce the dish and won’t make a fool of myself when I order. It’s all very casual and I don’t think either of her parents have ever fully picked up on just how badly I’m out of my depth in these situations.

The food is good too. I might not know exactly what it is I’m eating, and it’s not hot wings and beer, but after an afternoon of skiing and sex I’m ravenous and do it full justice.

“Here’s something to go with your dessert,” Jack says handing Rosalie an envelope. He and Lily are a bottle of wine down and evidently feeling pretty relaxed, as his broad grin encompasses me too. “Merry Christmas, Princess.”

Rosalie tears the envelope open and laughs at the familiar brochure that falls into her hands. Its glossy pages show the newest release BMW convertible; the same brochure we’ve had pinned to our fridge with a magnet for the last two months. “I love it!”

“I’ve spoken to the dealer about finance and he’s expecting your call when you get back,” Jack tells her. “You just need to pick the options you want, and it’s yours.”

A smile lights up Rosalie’s face. “Well you know how much I love their convertibles, but I think I might need to look for something different this time. A two-door isn’t going to be all that practical when we need space for a baby seat.” She reaches into her purse and lays the well-handled strip of ultrasound scans on the table.

Jack’s face is almost comically shocked. “What? You mean…oh Princess, that’s amazing, that’s wonderful, that’s…what were you thinking, letting her go skiing?” He rounds on me.

I have to hold back a laugh at the idea that I actually ‘let’ Rosalie do anything or conversely, could actually stop her doing anything she’d set her mind to.

Lily doesn’t bother, and giggles openly across the table. “Really Jack, Rosalie isn’t going to let a baby hold her back and it’s not up to Emmett to stop her.”

“I’m not pregnant!” Rosalie says hastily. “I wouldn’t ski if I was! No, we’re…we’re adopting a baby. It’s due on the first of July.”

“Now that’s a good idea,” Lily says. “Adopting a baby…you don’t have to go through all that nonsense of pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding. Very clever of you to avoid that.”

Rosalie makes a face at her mother. “Well, I’m sorry having me was such a terrible experience.”

Lily laughs comfortably. “Sweet girl, it was hideous; why do you think you’re an only child? But are you sure you’re ready? You’re still so young; don’t you want to do some more with your life before you’re tied down with a baby?”

I can see Rosalie tense, and I reach over and take her hand in mine. Once again I feel the same sense of bewildered frustration that Rosalie’s parents so often raise in me. How do you have a daughter like her, smart and fierce and beautiful enough to break your heart, and not appreciate her for what she is? Why have they never valued her the way she deserves?

“We’re really happy,” I say, not working too hard to hide the edge in my tone. “We’ve always wanted a family, and we think the timing is great.”

Jack is examining the ultrasound scans. “Look at the detail in these!” he comments wonderingly. “It looks like a real baby. How’s this going to work then? You’ve got a contract with the pregnant woman? How did all this get arranged?”

“It’s all going to be done legally Dad, don’t worry,” Rosalie says. “It’s actually Alice, Emmett’s sister, who’s pregnant and she’s asked us to adopt the baby. Carlisle’s getting his lawyer to write up all the paperwork.”

“I’ll check it over for you, you’ll really want to make sure this kind of thing is watertight,” Jack says with a faint frown. “You don’t want her changing her mind down the track.”

“Alice is so young,” Lily murmurs. “Is she managing? She’s making a very brave decision.”

“She had a lot of morning sickness, but she’s feeling better now,” I say. “The pregnancy was unexpected, and she really wants to go to college next year so she decided that keeping it wasn’t going to work out. Rosalie and I have always wanted kids, and this baby is coming along at just the right time.” I smile tenderly at Rosalie, and she squeezes my hand tight in return.

“So…you’re happy for us?” Rosalie says. “And yourselves; you’ll be grandparents in six months! I know there’s a chance Alice will change her mind, but she seems pretty sure of her decision and we’re moving ahead with it. We went to the ultrasound with her, and she’s asked me to go to birth classes with her. The baby will come home with us from the hospital after it’s born, it’s going to be our baby in all the legal and real ways…”

“Of course we’re happy for you!” Jack says, indicating for the waiter. “We should celebrate…a baby!”

He orders a bottle of champagne that probably costs so much I’d have to mortgage my house to pay for a single glass if I were footing the bill, and splashes liberal amounts into glasses. Jack talks about setting up a college fund and Lily tells Rosalie she’ll make sure to arrange her calendar so she’ll be home in July and does she think that Alice will let her take photos at the birth? I know they’ll never be any practical help and we can’t rely on them for anything (except maybe money), but they’re happy for us and Rosalie is happy, and right now that’s enough.

“It’s the first time I’ve said it and just been able to be completely happy, you know?” Rosalie says to me later, as we walk outside in the frosty night air. “The first time we’ve been able to say ‘ _we’re having a baby’_ and have someone say congratulations.”

Rosalie’s wearing her ski jacket and pants over (and under) her fancy dinner dress and her white fuzzy hat with the tassels is pulled down over her ears. The resort has decorated for Christmas, every tree and building and pole adorned with twinkling lights that paint rainbows on Rosalie’s face as we walk. The whole scene looks like something from a fairy tale.

“We’re having a baby,” Rosalie repeats, and then laughs and flings her arms around me. “A baby! That’s something to celebrate Emmett…I’m really, really happy.”

“Me too.” I wrap my arms around her and kiss her cold lips. “It’s been hard to be as happy about it as I want to be, because it’s kind of a bad thing for Alice and I don’t want to be insensitive to her feelings and all that, but the truth is I’m over the moon Rosa-girl. We’re going to have a baby and that’s going to be wonderful.”

“I don’t ever want to discount Alice, or sound ungrateful for what she’s doing for us,” Rosalie says quietly. “But it was nice to tell my parents tonight and have it be about us. It was good to feel free to be outwardly as happy as I am on the inside, without worrying that I’m going to say something hurtful.”

I kiss her again. “You’re going to be a really good momma, you know that?”

“All I really want is to be better than my mom.” Rosalie’s smile falters. “I don’t ever want our baby to feel the way my mom makes me feel sometimes. Like at best I’m an occasionally amusing toy that becomes an inconvenience when she gets bored of me – and she always gets bored of me – and at worst I’m nothing, and her life would be better without me in it.” Her voice is muffled against my chest as she leans into me.

“You won’t be like that,” I say softly. “I know how much this means to you, and I promise you that we’re going to do it right. And that means we’re _not_ going to be like your parents, and we’re _definitely_ not going to be like my mother either.” I laugh wryly. “Most people want to do better than their own parents did…at least the bar we’re trying to beat is pretty fucking low.”

Rosalie laughs too, reaching up to cup my cheeks and bring my face down to hers. “I love you. You are already the best husband in the world, and you’re going to be the best dad. I’m terrified for a million different reasons here, but that’s one thing I’m not scared of…I know we’re going to be good parents.”

I hold her tight, and I promise the universe that she’s right. We’re going to be good parents to this baby. Neither of us had the kind of childhood that we want to recreate for our child, but we have the love and desire to make different and better choices for our own family. Carlisle and Esme have shown me what’s possible, and I know that Rosalie and I are going to be able to make this work.

________________________________________________

“Oh my god Emmett, what did you do?”

Rosalie, her cheeks pink with cold and exertion, flings aside her ski jacket as she enters the suite and comes over to where I’m sprawled out on the sofa with a resort medical centre issued cold pack resting on my face.

“Went snowboarding.” I peel the ice pack off my nose, which is puffy and swollen, and smile sheepishly. “I fell on the half pipe and smashed my face. I’m fine…really, it’s not as bad as it looks!”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Rosalie mutters sarcastically, examining my face. “You’re going to have two black eyes and that’s one hell of a lump on your forehead. You’re sure your nose isn’t broken?”

“Nah. There was blood all over so someone called the med guys and they dragged me off to the clinic here. They x-rayed it and said it was okay. It’s a whopping great bill though, sorry – I put it on the credit card.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Rosalie shakes her head and then grins at me as she starts tugging off her gloves and hat. “And to think I left you behind because I thought you’d hurt yourself if you came with me!”

I can’t help but laugh too. Rosalie had headed out early this morning to ski some of the expert trails with her dad and told me to stay behind lest I break my neck. Possibly a mistake, looking at the mincemeat I’ve managed to make of my face without her supervision. “How was your morning?”

“It was great. The skiing was fabulous, and my dad would really be a much nicer person if he skied more and worked less.” Rosalie’s eyes light on the book that’s spread open across my lap. “Are you _reading_?”

“Yeah…what do you think of Daffodil?”

“Daffodils? I don’t know, I don’t think anything of them,” Rosalie says blankly. “What about them?”

“No, as a name for the baby. It’s just…your mom has a flower name, and you have a flower name and I think it’s beautiful, so I thought that your baby should have a flower name too.” I lift the heavy book, an encyclopaedia of flowers and show her the cover. “I borrowed it from Jonah; he uses it as a reference for work. So what do you think of Daffodil?”

Rosalie stares at me for a moment, tears in her blue eyes, before she swoops down and plants a kiss on my battered face. “You are the best thing in the world,” she tells me sincerely. “And I love the idea of a flower name. But…not _Daffodil_!” Her shoulders are shaking with laughter.

“It’s not that bad!” I say, a little affronted. “I don’t know about if it’s a boy, flowers seem kind of girly, but I guess we can think about that later. Maybe trees? Like Oak, or Cedar or something. Okay, if not Daffodil…I suppose you’ll think something like Snapdragon is a bit too out there?”

“You have the worst taste in names!” Rosalie laughs harder and curls up beside me on the sofa, pulling the book over so she can read the pages. “There are so many beautiful flower names, and you pick _Snapdragon_?!?”

I laugh too and snuggle her closer. “Okay, find me something else then…” The two of us leaf through the pages and toss names back and forth, and the idea of the baby grows ever more real.


	15. Letter #3

_It’s the middle of the night, little thing, and it feels like we’re the only two people awake in the world. You’re rolling and somersaulting all over in there, and even though I’m so tired I feel like I can barely see straight I can’t bring myself to go to sleep and let this moment go._

_It’s a very strange thing about pregnancy little thing, the way that you are both so tiny and yet so very large. We’re twenty-four weeks into this now, and according to the website you’re about the size of a cantaloupe. That’s not that big. If I’m wearing a sweater, it’s still pretty easy to hide the fact that you’re even there. But here in the dark…you feel like you’re the whole world, deep down inside me._

_I don’t know why it’s always food either. I’m hungry enough all the time as it is, without all the “Your Baby This Week” emails making me crave fruit salad! You were a blueberry, a peach, an avocado, a banana, and now a cantaloupe. I peeked ahead – next week you’re going to be a rutabaga. I don’t even know what that is._

_Fruit or not, you’re growing just the way you should. We had the big 20-week ultrasound last month and they said you were perfect. They also said you are very definitely a girl, which I knew already but at least now everyone else believes me!_

_Mom has increased her knitting efforts since she found out. Before that it was all neutral colours and unisex styles, but she’s broken out the pink now. And there are ruffles. This is MY Mom by the way, your grandmother…Grandma maybe? Granny? Nanna? I guess we’ll have to figure that one out._

_YOUR Mom, Rosalie, isn’t a knitter and she’s so scared of losing you that she won’t even take Mom’s knitting home with her. I bought you a pair of shoes (cutest little pair of baby sneakers ever!) and they’re still in the glovebox of Emmett’s Jeep because Rosalie freaked out about tempting fate if they went into the house. She’s going to have to get over it though, or when they take you home you’ll be wearing paper sacks and sleeping in a laundry basket while they wait for Amazon to deliver._

_Rosalie’s getting ready for you by reading every single pregnancy guide, parenting book and child development manual ever published. She probably knows enough to deliver you herself if we don’t make it to the hospital on time, although I don’t even want to think about that._

_She can be kind of intense, your mom. You’ll probably resent that sometimes. She’ll be strict and she’ll expect a lot of you, and even though you might not always like it I think it’s a good thing. Rosalie will teach you to learn and to work and achieve, and fulfil all of that amazing potential I know you have. She has high expectations of herself too, and she’ll work her ass off and sacrifice whatever it takes to give you the best life possible._

_Your dad will balance her well too, I think. Emmett will be more relaxed – he can be lazy and he won’t care if you eat Pop-tarts for breakfast and watch cartoons in your pyjamas until three in the afternoon. But he’ll always have your back and I know he’ll stand up when it counts. Between them, he and Rosalie will be your soft place to fall, and also your push to go out and do great things._

_And they’ll love you. They’ll love you fiercely and protectively and unselfishly and unconditionally…god, they’ll love you more than you could ever need._

_See, I’ve thought about it all. I didn’t just throw you aside little thing…I thought about all the options and I picked the one that I really think will be the best for you. I don’t want to raise you, but I want your life to be amazing._

_I hope you’ll understand that, one day. I hope you understand that the way I love you isn’t less…it’s just different. And what I’m doing for you – being your auntie instead of your mom and giving you Emmett and Rosalie to be yours - is the best that I know how to do._

_I didn’t know I would feel this connected to you. I thought you’d just grow and I’d just go about my regular life and not really think about you that much. I was prepared for the physical things, like all the throwing up and not being able to fit into any of my pants because of my cantaloupe sized belly, but I had it in my mind that it would all feel separate to you as a person. But it’s not like that. You talk to me in that place between waking and dream, and all the rest of the time you’re just_ there. _A nudge, a kick, a wave of nausea or suddenly smelling someone’s perfume from across the hall, eating the pantry bare and crying because Ruthie drank the last of the juice and I feel like I’ll die if I don’t fulfil my craving for it…you’re always there, little thing. My constant companion; part of me and yet somehow separate at the same time._

_We’ve over half way now and the countdown is on until you’re born. Sixteen weeks, give or take. It sounds like forever, and yet the shadow of your birth is already looming large._

_For everyone else it will be the beginning. For me, it’s going to be the end._


	16. Preparations

The birth and baby care class is held on a Saturday, in a small conference room at the hospital. Along with Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and I there are seven other couples, and as I take my place in the ring of plastic chairs I can’t help but feel conspicuous. Alice and Jasper are at least ten years younger than everyone else (and wearing a rainbow striped t shirt and eating goldfish crackers out of a Ziploc bag Alice looks like she’s barely old enough to be out without a babysitter, despite the lump of her eight month belly under the t-shirt) and Rosalie’s flat belly is the only non-pregnant female one in the room. Even the midwife unpacking the presentation materials is so pregnant that a live demonstration doesn’t look like it’s out of the picture.

“Goldfish?” Alice offers me the bag and squirms in her seat. “I thought we’d have beanbags – isn’t that what they always have on tv shows?”

“This is a general information class,” Rosalie murmurs. “If you want to practise breathing techniques, the hospital also offers a more natural birth focussed series of classes to help you prepare for that. I’m happy to book in for that with you if you’d like?”

“Oh no, I’m going to take all the drugs they’ll give me!” Alice says hastily. “A baby coming out of my…no thank you, I’d rather not feel that! I’ve told the OB that I want an epidural the minute I walk through the door.”

I think I’m going to need drugs just to be there as a spectator. The first session gives an extremely thorough overview of the mechanics of birth, the kinds of things that can happen, and what the doctors and midwives might need to do. It also includes a video, which is something I thought I was prepared for but…not.

We have a tour of the hospital maternity unit, and then a break for lunch, before another session that focuses on baby care. We learn about what to expect in the first few weeks, diapering and swaddling techniques, encouraging good baby sleep. There’s a lot about breastfeeding, which makes Rosalie bite her lip and sit very still, and then there’s a section on vaccinations and recognising signs of illness and when to go to the doctor, which makes me very glad that my baby is going to have a paediatrician grandfather on call.

We break for afternoon snack after that, and the hospital catering bring in platters of sandwiches and cookies. Rosalie and Jasper head towards the table, leaving me with Alice who is playing with the fake baby and plastic pelvic bones the midwife was using to demonstrate. To my pleased surprise the conference room door opens and Edward walks in, wearing his scrubs and grinning at us at he comes over to say hi.

“This is crazy,” Alice says in fascination, twisting the baby to ‘deliver’ it through the pelvis. “Can you believe the human body can do this? Did you watch that video? It was amazing.”

“I’m never going to be the same again,” I say shakily.

Edward laughs. “Wow Emmett, you’re really sweating! I don’t know what you watched, but it can’t have been _that_ bad!”

“And how many times have _you_ given birth?” I demand. “What do you know about it?”

“I know what I learned at all the deliveries I did during my OB rotation,” Edward points out logically. “Millions of women give birth every day, many of them more than once. They wouldn’t do it if it was a complete horror show, or if the baby at the end of it didn’t make it worth it.”

Alice forces the baby through the bones and it falls onto the table with a clunk from its hollow plastic head that makes me feel light-headed. “Oops. I hope that doesn’t happen to ours.”

“She’s unlikely to fall out on her head,” Edward says with amusement. “How are you feeling about the birth?”

Alice shrugs. “Not as squeamish as Emmett, but not exactly looking forward to it.” A shadow of unease crosses her face. “But I’m going to be drugged up to the gills, so it’ll be all right…excuse me, I’m going to go and see what’s taking Jasper so long with my cookie.”

Left alone, Edward’s gaze drifts to my knuckles, and he frowns slightly. I shove my hands under my thighs, my cheeks reddening, but I know he’s already seen the roughened skin and bruises where I’ve been biting on them again.

“Are you really okay?” he asks softly. “I shouldn’t have laughed at you; birth can seem terrifying but I’m sure Alice and the baby will be fine.”

I give him a lopsided smile. “It’s just…everything, but that video in particular…I mean I know it was supposed to make everyone feel knowledgeable and confident, but…fuck Edward, it looks awful and there’s nothing I’m going to be able to do and…” I’m trying to catch my breath. “What if it goes wrong? And what if…what if I’m not good at this? The birth, and then the baby…we practised diapering and swaddling on the dolls and Rosalie’s baby was wrapped up so tightly it was practically straight-jacketed, but I dropped the diaper and when I picked it up I knocked my baby to the floor…and I can’t stop saying fuck…”

A few heads are turning in my direction, and Edward rises to his feet with a quick smile and takes my arm. “Come on, let’s talk outside for a moment.”

I follow him out of the conference room and down the hall, to a small window nook with a view over the parking garage. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Edward regards me solemnly. “Look, I haven’t had personal experience here, but from what I saw during my obstetrics rotation it’s pretty normal for dads-to-be to freak out on occasion. You’re assuming a whole lot of new responsibilities; it’s a huge life transition.”

“Is this meant to be helpful?” I grimace. “My life will never be the same…got it. Feel so much better. Thanks.”

Edward laughs. “You’re going to be fine. You looked after Alice when you were only a kid, and you’re great with all the kids that Carlisle and Esme have fostered. So you’ve had experience, and Rosalie’s probably read every book on the subject of babies and parenting published in the last five years. You’re both functional and stable adults who want to do this – I’m absolutely sure you’re going to make it work. Truly Emmett, if there’s anyone I think will take well to fatherhood, it’s you.”

I lean against the wall and feel my tension ease slightly. “The birth though…”

“ _That’s_ something you just have to work out how to get through,” Edward says. “What about it worries you the most?”

“There was a lot of screaming in that video,” I mutter. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone in that kind of pain, and they’re talking about hours. And the way it looked, coming out…fucking hell.”

“Well, first things first, you don’t have to watch the baby actually coming out,” Edward says practically. “Especially since I’m pretty sure Alice doesn’t want you actually staring at her vagina anyway. The number of people she wants in the room is going to make it a bit of a circus as it is, so you’ll be doing everyone a favour if you stay out of the way of the business end of things. You’ll be a lot more helpful holding her hand and giving her ice and telling her she’s doing a good job than you will be passed out on the floor because you watched the baby crown. It’s difficult to see someone in pain and feel helpless, but when it comes down to it the birth is all about Alice. We just have to do whatever she needs us to do to support her.”

“I guess.” I run a hand through my hair. “She seems pretty set on getting an epidural as soon as she feels the first contraction, so I suppose that might cut down on the screaming?”

“Probably,” Edward says. “With an epidural on board Alice should be reasonably comfortable, and she’ll have Mom and Jasper as well as you to help keep her spirits up. Dad and I will be in and out too. She’s got a good doctor and all her check ups have been fine, so chances are excellent that it will be a straightforward delivery. And in the end, the birth is one day - you get through it and it’s over. Parenthood on the other hand…” He grins at me.

I laugh wryly. “Yeah, that’s a long term prospect.”

“Only a rest-of-your-life commitment,” Edward says cheerfully. “Your money, your time, your heart – it’s not going to be your own anymore. Or so I’ve been told.”

I groan. “You’re so comforting!”

Edward laughs, and reaches out to bump my shoulder. “You’re going to love it. You and Rosalie will be great, and you’ll have lots of help. Which is actually going to start out tonight…when you drive Alice home after this and she asks you to go inside for some stupid reason, go along with it.”

“Why?”

“Surprise baby shower. Mom and Alice have been planning it for weeks.” Edward looks amused. “I remembered you saying that Rosalie had put together an Amazon wishlist of all the baby stuff she wants but wouldn’t actually buy anything, so I logged into your account, copied it over to mine, and made up a registry. You really should change your passwords occasionally.”

A smile splits my face. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I know Rosalie is only trying to protect herself in case things change, but Alice has been worried by her detachment. She really wants you guys to be excited, and she was concerned that Rosalie isn’t feeling like an expectant mom. Esme was worried too that Rosalie was missing out, so they cooked up the baby shower as something special for her,” Edward says.

For a moment I’m so touched I can’t speak. This situation has been an emotional minefield, and sometimes I’ve felt so caught up protecting everyone’s feelings that I’ve forgotten what it’s all really about. A baby. Rosalie and I becoming parents.

“That’ll be really great,” I say hoarsely. “Rosalie will love it…I should go back now, finish up this class of horrors and get on with the party.”

“I’ll walk you back.”

There’s only a short time left in the baby class. The presenter gives out piles of further information, as well as a bag that’s full of samples of formula, diapers, butt rash cream, wipes, and baby food. Once that’s done we wait while Alice runs to the bathroom with all the other pregnant women, and then pile into Rosalie’s new BMW and head towards Carlisle and Esme’s house.

“When we get home you have to come in for a moment,” Alice says. “I want to show you something.”

I look back and see her sucking on one of the sample pouches of baby food. “You’re taking the very food out of my baby’s mouth now?”

Alice giggles guiltily. “Sorry, I was hungry. It’s not like it’s not going to feed your baby right now, in a way! But seriously, you should buy some more of this for the baby when she eats food, it’s great.” She slurps up the last bit.

I can tell Rosalie doesn’t really want to go in when we get to Carlisle and Esme’s house, but she’s gracious about it when Alice insists. And her face when we walk into a kitchen transformed into a wonderland of pink and silver decorations and piles of presents, filled with family and friends all clapping and wishing us well, is beautiful.

“Happy baby shower!” Alice shouts gleefully, jumping at Rosalie. “Congratulations Mommy!”

It’s probably not a traditional baby shower. How can it be when the guest of honour, Rosalie, isn’t actually pregnant? But there’s pink lemonade and pink frosted cupcakes and elaborately iced cookies shaped like onesies and rocking horses and rubber ducks, and Rosalie is made to sit down and open piles of presents while half the guests ooh and aaah and the other half drink beer out of the coolers on the deck and wonder how many tiny pairs of shoes a baby who can’t even walk is really going to need?

People are very generous. Esme gives us enough hand knits to outfit the baby for the first year, and promises more to come. Ever safety-conscious Carlisle has bought a carseat that he assures us has the highest safety ratings on the market, which brings up a vivid flash of memory of him doing the same thing for Alice when we first moved in with them. Edward and Bella give us a baby bathtub that they’ve filled with a careful selection of classic and modern children’s books that Bella tells us all babies need. Rosalie’s engineering co-workers gift the baby complex Lego sets and toy robots and her college friends all chip in for a bassinet. Rosalie’s mom can’t make it, but her dad comes with a baby football jersey and the paperwork for a college fund bank account that makes even Rosalie raise an eyebrow- the baby isn’t even born yet and she can already afford to attend practically any college in the country and graduate debt-free. Jonah comes, looking faintly ridiculous surrounded by all the pink and glitter, and gives me a canvas he’s painted in his own brilliant, inimitable style. Other friends give gifts of clothes, and toys and bottles and blankets and diapers – all the things we’re going to need to take care of this new little person. It means so much that people care, and that they want to be there and support us through this unorthodox means of forming a family. I smile and examine gifts and say thank you, and wonder how I got so lucky.

Mostly though, I just watch Rosalie. Her glowing face warms my heart and it makes me happy to see her letting go of her fears, even if just for a single evening, and celebrating our upcoming baby. We’ve wanted a baby for so long, and she deserves this chance to be the mother she’s always dreamed of.

“Do you love your party?” Alice perches on the arm of the sofa and beams at me.

“It’s great,” I say. “I had no idea you were going to organise this.”

“Every baby deserves a celebration, and now you’ve got practically everything you need,” Alice says in satisfaction. “I know Rosalie was too scared to shop, but I was getting worried the baby wouldn’t have anything to wear. Now you’re all set, with so many precious little outfits!” She starts folding the pile of tiny clothes left on the sofa and slips them into an empty gift bag before she drops onto the cushion beside me with a muffled grunt. “God, my back hurts. Do you think Rosalie loves it?”

“She does love it, and I love you for doing this for her,” I say sincerely. “Turn around, I’ll rub your back for you.” I press the heels of my hands hard against her lower back, digging in with my thumbs until she groans. “Better?”

“Yes thank you.” Alice sighs and flops back on the sofa. “I’m so ready for this to be over with…hear that, little thing? I’m handing you notice, so start packing your bags because you’re out of there.” She pokes her belly and I watch in fascination as the bulge ripples and distorts as the baby moves inside.

“That looks kind of terrifying,” I comment.

Alice giggles. “It really does look pretty creepy! You get used to it though. She plays sometimes and that’s fun…here, let’s see if she’s in the mood.”

Taking my hand she presses it firmly against the upper curve of her belly and a moment later I feel a very distinct kick against the palm of my hand. Alice prods at a different spot, and once again I feel the unnerving sensation of something moving within as the baby stretches limbs and rolls over.

“She’s head down now,” Alice tells me. “So she’s not doing somersaults anymore, just rolling from side to side, and most of the kicks you can feel are higher now. Well, the kicks that _you_ can feel anyway – I get to feel everything, including the way she’s taken to headbutting my cervix…which is just about as much fun as it sounds.”

“It won’t be too much longer,” I say. I’ve still got my hands on her belly and a moment later I’m rewarded with the feel of the baby again, stretching a tiny foot or hand against my palm. “Only a few more weeks.”

“Yeah.” Alice smiles a little wistfully and rubs her belly unselfconsciously. “She’s so active…she’s going to keep you and Rosalie so busy once she’s here!”

“And you’re still okay with everything?” I ask softly.

“The adoption?” Alice grabs my hands and holds them tightly against her belly. “Yes. I love her Emmett, I love her so much and she’s always going to be part of me, but she’s not mine. She belongs to you and Rosalie. I just have to get her to you, and then I get my life back.” She sighs. “Jasper and I both got into college in New York, and I’m so excited for that. Did you know that I’ve finally talked Mom and Dad into letting me live with him? They weren’t keen, but my school doesn’t have dorms and he doesn’t want to live in the ones at his school, and I’d rather live with him than strangers. Once the baby’s born and I’m feeling up to it we’re going to go to New York and look for a place…I can’t wait!”

I can’t help but smile at her eagerness, even as my heart twists a little at the idea of her leaving. “I know you’re going to have a great time at college, but I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you all too.” Alice hesitates. “But I think maybe…the distance will be good? For all of us. It will give you and Rosalie space to be the mom and dad and settle into being your own family. And even though I’m sure about what I’m doing and I know it’s the right choice, it’s still going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I think maybe I’m going to need that break away in order to move on and put my life back together.”


	17. It's Time

It’s three days after Alice’s due date when I get the call. It’s early morning and I’m on my way to buy meat for a cookout that immediately becomes the last thing on the agenda for the day when the phone rings and I hear Alice’s breathless voice telling me that it’s time. My heart pounds with a mix of exultation and sheer terror as I swing the Jeep in a tight circle and head straight back towards home.

“Rosalie!” I take the front steps in a single bound and crash into the house. “Where are you? Did Alice call you? We’ve got to go!”

The house is silent around me, but the BMW is parked out the front and I know she’s here. Without needing to think too much about it I push open the door of the baby’s room. Rosalie is sitting on the floor by the crib, holding a stuffed rabbit knit by Esme and staring distantly at the animals and trees I’d painted into a delicate, pastel fantasy mural on the wall.

“You did such a good job on that,” she says quietly. “It’s really beautiful.”

“Hey.” I kneel on the floor by her side and gently take her hand. “Are you okay? Alice called me…it’s time.”

“I know, I was just waiting for you.” Rosalie reaches for me in a fierce and desperate hug. “Oh god Emmett, I can’t believe this is happening. I’m so scared!”

“I’m scared too,” I admit, wrapping my arms around her. “Fucking terrified! And damn, I’m really going to have to stop saying _fucking_ all the time, aren’t I? But hell Rosa girl, we’re about to have a baby…today is going to change our world.”

“I still can’t help thinking that Alice might change her mind,” Rosalie whispers. “I want a baby so badly! It seems impossible to me that someone could have one and be willing to give it up. I’m so afraid…we’re so close to getting everything we want, but we could lose this so easily.”

“You have to be brave,” I say tenderly. “I know how scary this is, but you have to trust Alice. This is our baby…so come on, grab the bag and let’s go to the hospital. It’s time to meet our daughter.”

Rosalie drives to the hospital like she’s competing in the Dakar Rally, but I think it’s more about nerves than any real need to hurry. The birth class had emphasised over and over again that labour, especially first labours, usually take hours and sure enough once we get to the hospital and find our way to the maternity wing there’s doesn’t seem to be much happening. Alice has been admitted, but when we knock and enter her room she’s sitting up on the bed and looking relaxed, unconcernedly eating a Popsicle while Jasper rubs her feet. She’s hooked up to an IV, and monitors strapped to her belly send the steady, reassuring thump of the baby’s heartbeat echoing through the room.

“Hey there Mommy and Daddy! How do you feel about a fourth of July birthday for your daughter?” Alice grins.

“Sounds good to me. She’ll always be able to celebrate with fireworks,” I say, hugging her carefully so as not to dislodge the monitors. “How are you doing?”

Alice makes a face. “Good now that I’ve got an epidural on board! I absolutely do not know how women do this thing without drugs.” She reaches over and hugs Rosalie. “I was at four centimetres when I came in, six half an hour ago when they did the epidural and broke my water. Contractions are every couple of minutes and the doctor said maybe another couple of hours. And the baby is doing fine.”

“So now what?” I ask.

Esme laughs, rising up from where she’s been sitting on a tiny sofa under the window with Carlisle and coming over to kiss my cheek. “Now we wait.” She reaches over ad squeezes Rosalie’s hand.

It’s a weird kind of waiting. There’s none of the sweating and screaming and moaning that I was braced for. With an epidural in Alice says she can feel the contractions, but she’s not in any real pain. At first she talks a lot, but as the hours pass by she grows quiet, holding Jasper’s hand and leaning against him while he talks softly into her ear. Esme knits at another baby sweater, while Carlisle reads newspapers and does the crossword. Rosalie reads some journals, and then she and Carlisle talk about biotechnology and prosthetic limbs and surgery and other things I can’t understand. I play stupid games on my phone and chew my knuckles raw and wonder how birth can be simultaneously a beautiful miracle and yet also so completely, mind-numbingly, boring.

And then Alice sits up abruptly, and the whole energy in the room shifts.

“It feels different,” she says tersely. “I think…something’s changed.” And she leans forward and vomits onto the sheet over her lap.

I’m ready to panic, but Carlisle touches my shoulder reassuring. “We’ll get your doctor in, but it looks like you might be in transition.” Moving quietly and efficiently he bundles the soiled sheet up and hands Alice a bottle of Gatorade. “Feeling some pressure?”

“Yes.” Alice shifts restlessly in the bed. “I don’t want to do this…I can’t. I’m not ready.” Her lower body is pretty numb with the epidural, but she tries to swing her legs over the side of the bed anyway.

“Don’t get up,” Carlisle says, firmly holding her shoulders so she can’t move. “You don’t have enough control over your legs, you might fall. Sit back and relax while we wait for the nurse.”

“Don’t!” Alice swats ineffectually at his hands. Her face is suddenly shiny with sweat. “I mean it, I want to get up…”

“Not now,” Jasper says soothingly. He takes Alice’s hands and holds them to his lips. “Just wait and let them check you out.”

“It looks like it’s starting to happen in here.” A nurse bustles in, pulling on a pair of gloves. “Can I take a look, Alice?”

Alice flops back against the pillows. I don’t want to be anywhere near the nurse prodding her gloved hands in between my sister’s legs, but the look of abject fear on Alice’s face moves me and without thinking about it I step forward and offer her my hand.

“It’s okay Monkey.”

“I want you to relax as much as you can,” the nurse says, patting Alice’s thigh. “Dr Cullen, do you want to press that call button again? We need the OB up here ASAP, Alice, you’re fully dilated and the baby is right there …don’t push!”

“I can’t help it!” Alice’s face is white and her grip on my hand tightens almost unbearably. “I’m not doing it on purpose! But…” The noise she makes is almost unearthly as she arches her back and half rises from the bed.

“Rosalie, can you run out to the desk and make sure someone’s coming?” Carlisle says calmly, stepping forward to stand beside the nurse and smiling down at Alice. “Try not to push if you can help it sweetheart. See if you can breathe for a few moments while we wait for the doctor; we’re nearly there.”

“No, we are _right there_ ,” the nurse says. “I’m not holding this baby in…okay Alice, if you want to…”

Alice screams, and I forget everything I said about not looking because I’m standing right by her side and suddenly in between her legs there’s a blood slicked head, that turns sideways to show the baby face in profile before the rest of it follows in a rush, purple and wet and pulsing with life.

_That’s my baby._

The nurse lifts the baby, who flings her tiny arms out in shock at the suddenly much bigger world she’s part of. She cries, a thready, reedy wail that brings tears to my own eyes, and without even thinking about it I reach out and touch her, feeling her miniature hand close reflexively over my finger.

_It’s okay baby girl…daddy’s here._

“I’ve got a pretty short cord here,” the nurse says. “I’m going to have to put her on your belly for a moment Alice, so we can clamp and cut that. Then we’ll follow your plan…Emmett and Rosalie will go with the baby to another room and we’ll take care of you. That’s still how you want it?”

Alice nods, staring down at the baby and touching her back with a trembling finger. “Is she okay?”

“She’s breathing nicely and her colour is good,” the nurse answers, clamping the umbilical cord close to the baby’s belly. “You did a great job!”

There’s a commotion at the door and the OB comes running in with two other nurses. “I’ve missed it! Looks like this little one didn’t want to wait. All okay, Alice?”

“Please take her away,” Alice whispers, her voice shaking. She lets go of my hand and closes her eyes, turning blindly towards Jasper. “Please, I don’t want…”

Jasper wraps his arms around her. “Can we please keep this moving? Alice said she didn’t want to hold the baby.”

The doctor looks at him sharply and reaches for the scissors. “Okay people, we had a plan,” she says. “Let’s get this baby out of here. Whoever’s cutting this cord needs to do it, and then Kate and Jess, you two take the baby down to the other room to do all her checks.”

Rosalie steps forward and cuts through the cord, and then one of the nurses bundles the baby in a blanket and whisks her off Alice’s belly and out of sight. I know I’m supposed to go with the baby, but in the moment I can’t bear to leave Alice and I lean forward and embrace her, kissing the top of her head and feeling the shudder as she cries. She twists away from Jasper and hugs me back, fiercely and desperately.

“Go take care of her…take care of your baby.”

“I love you,” I say hoarsely, and I don’t even know that I’m crying until I taste the salt tears on my lip. “Fucking hell Monkey, I love you… _thank you.”_

And I tear myself away from the sister who has just given me the greatest gift in the world, and head down the corridor after my daughter.

I follow them to a small private room off the baby nursery, where one of the nurses lays the baby onto the warmer table and gently unwraps her.

“Congratulations Mom and Dad!” the other nurse says to Rosalie and I with a wide smile. “I’m Jess and that’s Kate, and we’re going to be looking after you guys while you’re here. Now, Alice wanted the baby taken away after birth so that’s why we’ve brought you all to this room. We’re going to check the baby out and make sure everything is fine, and then you can do some family bonding. If everything is going well with the baby we’re going to want you to stay for a few hours, just for observation, and then we’ll have your paediatrician check her out again and you’ll be released to take her home.”

“Come on over and watch all this,” Kate invites. “You can take photos too, if you want. Jess, will you grab a pen and write everything down?” She starts to quickly check the baby over. Temperature, head size, heartbeat… “Apgars are great. Ten fingers, ten toes, normal little girl. I’m going to put her on the scale now…six pounds and one ounce; she’s a tiny little thing! Do you have a name picked out?”

“Daisy,” Rosalie says softly, brushing a hand across the baby’s head. “Her name is Daisy.”

“Oh, that’s cute! Hello little Daisy, it’s nice to meet you. Sorry, you’re not going to like what I’m doing now…” Kate looks at us as Jess hands her a syringe. “Vitamin K – it’s necessary, but it’s going to make her cry. Do you want to do some skin to skin with her after this?”

“Oh! Is that…should I?” Rosalie looks uncertain, and Kate laughs gently.

“Sure you should! Skin to skin is great for bonding. Usually the babies go straight onto mom’s chest after birth, and even though this situation is kind of different we can still do that…little Daisy here is brand new and she needs some snuggles with her mommy. Especially after what I’m about to do to her.” Kate stabs her with the needle and the baby screams; there certainly doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with her lungs. “Take your top off and sit in the recliner, I’ll put a diaper on this little one and Jess will grab a heated blanket for you.”

It just about brings me undone, the sight of Rosalie cradling our tiny daughter against her heart, the two of them wrapped in a blanket and staring into each others eyes. I go down on my knees beside the chair, my head on Rosalie’s shoulder so I too can look down at the wonder of our baby girl.

“I’ll leave you guys alone for a while,” Kate says softly from the door. “I’ll be back with a bottle and some formula later; call if you need anything.”

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Rosalie breathes. She presses kisses onto the baby’s head and inhales her scent, tears slipping unheeded down her cheeks. “Hi baby girl, hi Daisy…I’m your mama.”

I can’t talk. I had thought I was ready. I had thought I knew what it would be like, but nothing in the world could have prepared me for this moment. _My daughter._ Daisy’s eyes, a dark milky blue, regard me solemnly and I when I touch her hand she grips my finger with astonishing strength. Even if it doesn’t exactly disappear, somehow in that moment all the heartache and fear and anxiety that’s brought us here feels very small and far away. Nothing matters but this kind of love. Rosalie and I and this baby, however it is that we’ve come together…this feels right.

I kiss Rosalie and then take the corner of the blanket and use it to wipe the tears off her cheeks. “I love you so much.”

Rosalie’s smile is luminous. “I love you too. I am _so happy_ Emmett. I can’t believe that she’s really here, finally right here in our arms.”

“She’s perfect.” I slip my hand inside the blanket, curving it over Daisy’s back. Her skin feels as soft and delicate as a flower petal.

“I thought she’d be dark haired, like Alice…like you,” Rosalie says, stroking the soft fuzz of blond hair covering her head. “But she’s fair.”

“I can’t believe how small she is.” The baby’s curled up like a frog on Rosalie’s chest and most of her body fits in my hand. “I’m so glad she’s here safe.”

“Alice did so well.” Rosalie shakes her head. “The way she just slipped out at the end was so amazing.”

I laugh gently. “After all my squeamishness, I ended up watching it! I saw her come out and I’m so glad I did…I mean, one second she wasn’t there, and then suddenly she was…”

My voice trails away. Seeing Daisy’s face for that first time, as she gasped and took her first breath and her wet, slippery little body was imbued with life and vitality, was a moment I know I’ll never forget. It reminds me, suddenly and vividly, of the first time I saw Rosalie’s face and the way my whole world had lurched and shifted around me back then, because without even knowing why I had known that she mattered.

Rosalie kisses the baby and then looks at me, her lip trembling. “We’re never going to be able to say thank you. I don’t even know where to begin…how do you thank someone for what Alice has done for us?”

I can feel the tears burning behind my eyes. “All we can do is raise Daisy the best we can. We need to love her, and do everything we can to give her what Alice wants for her…she chose us for a reason, and we just have to live up to that. That’s the only way we can thank her…just love her baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – I really wanted to get this chapter done today because it’s my oldest son’s birthday – seventeen years ago today I held a baby while they took their first breath and got to say, ‘hey little thing, I’m your mama’ and it was magic. I hope I’ve gone some way towards giving a sense of what that is like here for Emmett and Rosalie. And not that he’ll ever read this (he’s seventeen, I’m sure you can imagine his attitude to Twilight, let alone Twilight fanfic, lmao!) I’ve got to say that it was all worth it, little bear! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all reading this and loving it and letting me know that you’re feeling it…I have such good readers and I love how much effort everyone puts in to reading and commenting!


	18. The First Day

Some time later, just as Daisy is starting to get a little restless, there’s a quick knock on the door and Jess enters.

“How’s it all going?” she asks. “I thought Daisy would probably be starting to get a bit hungry, so I’ve bought in some formula. Who’s going to do the first feed?”

Rosalie kisses the baby’s head and says reluctantly, “You should do it, Emmett, you haven’t even held her yet.”

Jess grins at me. “Okay then Dad, you’re up! How about you get the little one dressed while Mom puts her clothes back on, and then you can sit down and see if Daisy wants some milk?”

 _Dad._ The word feels so foreign, but I can’t stop my goofy grin as I hear it. _I’m a dad now._

Daisy cries when I lift her away from the snug warmth of Rosalie’s skin, and lay her down in the baby bassinet, where Jess quickly checks Daisy’s clamped umbilical cord and takes her temperature, before she peeks into the leg of her diaper.

“She’s doing great, and it looks like you get first diaper change too,” Jess says to me with a laugh. “Grab some wipes.”

“Aren’t I the lucky one?” I say, and with hands that suddenly feel all thumbs I awkwardly wipe the sticky black gunk off my newborn daughter’s butt and fasten on a clean diaper under Jess’ direction. “Her legs feel like chicken bones,” I mutter. “I’m scared I’m going to break her.”

“You’re doing fine,” Jess says reassuring. “Babies aren’t as fragile as they can seem. You have to be careful, but you’re not going to hurt her with regular handling!”

Rosalie gets herself dressed and rummages through our bag, coming up with the clothes she’s chosen for Daisy’s first outfit. I remember packing the bag and thinking that the onesie and pants and hat looked impossibly small, but once I manage to manipulate Daisy’s flailing chicken bone limbs into them the outfit is practically swimming on her.

“Maybe we should have sized down?” Rosalie giggles.

“She’ll grow.” Jess swaddles Daisy briskly and then hands her to me. “Sit down in the recliner and you can give her a feed. I’ll be back to check on you all a little later, yell out if you need anything.”

Daisy doesn’t seem all that excited by the prospect of milk. I think it probably doesn’t help that I first drip milk into her nostrils, making her sneeze, and then nearly poke her in the eye with the bottle nipple when she moves her head.

“Oh god, I’m making a mess of it already,” I say to Rosalie, half panicking. “Maybe you should do this?”

“You’re fine!” Rosalie perches on the arm of my chair and leans over. “Just touch her cheek with it, that’s all…see?”

I used to watch nature documentaries, where newborn animals were born, ate their placentas and then took off into the wild completely under their own steam. Daisy, on the other hand, can’t seem to coordinate her mouth to grab hold of the bottle and keeps going cross eyed with the effort of simply trying to see. And then she manages to latch onto the bottle and starts swallowing milk, staring at me with a look of such startled amazement that my heart catches. I am enchanted by the sheer bumbling _newness_ of her.

“That’s good, huh?” I say. “Your first meal! Sorry it’s so boring…you’ve got a few months of milk before I can move you onto the hotwings and barbecue ribs.”

There’s a light knock at the door and then Edward’s head peers around. “Mind if I come in?”

I grin back. “Come say hi to your niece.”

Edward is all smiles as he looks at me cradling the baby and holding her bottle. “Awww, look at you Emmett!” He gives Rosalie a hug. “Congratulations! How did it all go? You didn’t faint or anything, Em? What’s her name?”

“You haven’t seen Alice?” I ask.

“They’re just moving her out of the delivery suite and into a room, so I’m going to head over there next,” Edward answers. “Esme sent me a text to say that the baby had been born and you were down here, so I thought I’d come visit on my break. So tell me the details…what’s her name? How much does she weigh? How did the birth go?”

“Her name is Daisy. And the birth went pretty well; from an outside perspective anyway, I don’t know if Alice will tell a different story!” Rosalie laughs. “Honestly though, she did brilliantly. She’d already got an epidural by the time we got here so she was pretty comfortable through the first stage. Transition and second stage was incredibly quick, and Daisy pretty much just shot out – the doctor didn’t even make it in time.”

Daisy finishes the tiny amount of formula and when I settle her a little more comfortably into the crook of my elbow she opens up her little pink mouth in a yawn before releasing a rolling belch.

Edward laughs. “Well genetics or not, she’s sounding like your daughter already.” Careful of the baby between us, he gives me an unexpected hug. “I can’t stay, I’m scrubbing in on a bowel resection shortly and I still want to run over and see Alice. But I had to come by and say congratulations. I’m so glad everything went smoothly, and I couldn’t be happier for all of you.” He touches Daisy’s fist with one long finger, thumps me gently on the shoulder, hugs Rosalie again and then leaves us alone.

Our little room doesn’t have any windows and the hours we spend in there feel like we’re outside time, cocooned in a blissful bubble of newfound love. Daisy is perfection, and seeing Rosalie embrace her new role of mother fills my heart. We have wanted this so much and been through so much to get here, and the reality of it is everything we hoped for. We do what all new parents do, exploring every inch of the perfect little miracle we get to call ours from the fuzz of blonde hair on the top of her head all the way down to the delicate pink shells of her toenails, breathing in the precious newborn scent of her and kissing her head and face and tiny little feet. We feed her and love her and promise her that this is only the beginning, that we’re going to be her mama and daddy and we’re always going to be there for her.

“Hello?” Several hours later there’s a quick rap on the door and Carlisle enters with a warm smile. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get down here.”

“Hey! It doesn’t matter…have you been with Alice? Is she feeling okay?” My happiness with Daisy over the course of the afternoon has only been marred by one thing, a tiny nagging burr of worry over how my sister is doing.

“Alice is okay. She’s in a private room on the maternity wing; she’d hoped to go home this evening, but she had a bit more bleeding after the delivery than they like to see and so she’s going to stay overnight. Don’t worry though, she’s tired and a little bit sore but she’s had a nap and a good meal and her spirits are pretty good.” Carlisle’s eyes light on Daisy and he smiles broadly, picking up her chart and scanning it quickly. “It looks like things have been going fine here. I’m going to give the baby a final check up and then, all being well, you guys can take her home. What do you think, little peanut? Can Grandpa take a look at you?”

Rosalie surrenders the baby to him. “Her name is Daisy.”

“A pretty name for a pretty baby,” Carlisle murmurs. After thirty odd years of paediatric medicine he’s more than comfortable with babies, and Daisy must recognise the hands of experience as she submits quietly to his examination. He’s quick and gentle, talking quietly to the baby as he carries out his inspection, but he plays with her hands and kisses her head and when he catches me looking he just smiles sheepishly. “So it’s not the most professional newborn exam I’ve ever carried out!”

“Well she _is_ your granddaughter,” I say. “That’s special.”

“There’s nothing to worry about?” Rosalie is standing by the bassinet, where Carlisle has laid Daisy out and is wrapping a tape measure around her head. “She seems okay, but she’s just so tiny! I wrote down how much she fed, and when we changed her diapers like the nurse asked us too.”

Carlisle smiles at her. “I checked the notes and it seems like she’s in great health. She’s on the smaller side, but she’s within the normal range and Emmett has said that Alice was a tiny baby too. Her colour is good, she’s breathing easily and her heart rate is normal. No cleft palate, ears look normal, head normal, good muscle tone…” He shows us the soft spots on her skull and then peels off her clothes and diaper, which makes her cry. “She’s passed meconium? That’s good. Genitals all good, abdomen good, umbilical looks fine – I’ll leave that clamp and it will fall off in a few days to a week or so. It doesn’t require any particular care, just clean her with water, make sure it’s dry, and keep an eye on it. If it looks like it’s getting infected, give me a call.” He fastens a diaper on and then lifts Daisy up by her arms, which looks painful, and then picks her up and makes her ‘walk’.

“Is that what she’s supposed to do?” I ask.

Her crying is making me edgy and I’m surprised by the sudden and overwhelming wave of protectiveness I feel. It’s crazy, Carlisle’s not even doing anything particularly unpleasant to her, but that’s my baby and she’s crying and I want to snatch her back and make it better.

“Exactly what she’s supposed to be doing,” Carlisle says. “We have a wonderfully normal little newborn here. I’m sorry peanut,” he adds in Daisy’s direction, rapidly getting her dressed again. “I know that wasn’t that much fun, but you’re perfectly healthy and now you’re all cleared for mommy and daddy to take you home. Only _first…_ Grandpa is going to hold you for a little while.” He lifts Daisy into his arms and grins at Rosalie and I. “She’s beautiful. I’ll drop round tomorrow to check on you all again, and after that you’ll need to make an appointment with your regular paediatrician for follow up. You’ve booked in with Karen Anderson?”

Rosalie nods. “Yes. I’ll call tomorrow and book in a newborn appointment. Can we really take her home now?”

“Yes. The nurse has talked to you about feeding, and safe baby sleep practices and what kind of things to look out for that could be a concern? Now I _know_ you have one because I gave it to you at your baby shower, but it’s hospital policy that we see an appropriate car restraint so you’ll have to bring your carseat up, but after that you can head on out.” Settling into one of the armchairs with a sigh, Carlisle strokes a finger across Daisy’s cheek. “Look at you…it’s so nice to meet you at last.”

Rosalie begins folding the blanket that Carlisle left draped over the bassinet. I can see the tension in her shoulders, but her voice is deliberately casual when she says, “Is Alice still happy with this arrangement? I know we’ve talked about it endlessly, but the baby is here now; does Alice feel any differently now that she’s seen her?” Rosalie’s voice cracks. “Because I know she can still change her mind. And that’s…it’s the reality. She has that right. But I can’t take this baby home and then give her back.”

I take her hand and kiss her knuckles, but I don’t say anything. It’s only now, with the reality of the baby in my arms and this perfect afternoon of being her daddy that I’m beginning to really understanding Rosalie’s bone-deep terror of losing her.

Carlisle shakes his head. “I know you probably won’t feel secure until the final papers are signed and it’s irrevocable, but Alice is still absolutely steadfast. Esme and I asked her, and Jasper, explicitly this afternoon if they were sure they wanted to proceed with the adoption and the answer was a resounding yes. Daisy is yours.” He smiles gently. “Take her home Rosalie, love her, and enjoy being a mother.”

I leave Rosalie packing our belongings back into the bag while Carlisle holds Daisy and head down towards the car to pick up the baby seat. I am longing to take my girls home, but on my way back to the nursery I take a detour over to maternity.

“Emmett!” Alice is sitting up in bed, her face pale and her eyes red-rimmed and puffy enough to tell me that she’s been spending a lot of time crying. Slumped in a chair by the bedside, Jasper doesn’t really look a lot better. But Alice smiles when she sees me, and reaches out for a hug. “What are you doing here? Is…is the baby okay?”

“She’s fine.” I deposit the car seat on the floor by the door and move across to the bed, wrapping Alice up in a hug. “She’s absolutely fine…but how are you? Really…are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am. Ugh, I can’t stop crying.” Alice wipes her eyes on my t-shirt. “Don’t pay any attention to that, they tell me it’s normal. Really, I’m doing good; pretty sore down there, but an actual baby came out of me so that’s not exactly surprising.” She hesitates. “She was beautiful, wasn’t she?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “She’s perfect. I wanted to ask you about her name. We’re going to call her Daisy, and we thought maybe Alice for her middle name after you...”

“Oh a flower name, like Rosalie. I like it.” A ghost of a smile flits across Alice’s face. “That’s funny too, because I was thinking…if I kept her...I would have called her Jade…a gemstone name, like Jasper. Maybe give her that for a middle name, not mine.”

“Whatever you want.” I look across as Jasper. “Is that cool with you?”

He clears his throat. “Yeah, that’d be…yeah. Cool.”

I see by his face then how much it matters to him. Alice, this baby, this whole situation…he’s a kid, and he’s stood up and given it his all even when it must have felt almost impossible, and damned if I don’t respect him for it.

“She looks like you,” I say to him. “She’s blonde, and her face…I didn’t see until I’m looking at you now, but she looks like you. You can come see her down the hall if you want. Or Rosalie and I can bring her by on our way out; Carlisle’s checked her over and says we’re good to take her home.”

“Don’t bring her here.” Alice shrinks back. “I don’t want to see her, not now…I’m sorry Emmett,” she says, and her lip quivers. “I know that if this was different and I was just like her regular auntie I’d be all over it with gifts and presents and wanting to hold her…but it’s not, and I can’t.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

She gives me a watery smile. “I love you all, and I’m really happy that you’re going to be a family and I _know_ it’s going to be amazing. And I’ll be part of it all; I really want to be a great auntie! But not just yet.”

“You’re going to be the best auntie ever,” I say hoarsely, and I don’t bother to hide the fact that this time I’m crying. “Fuck, you were her _mother_ , you gave her life…she’s going to need you in her life, and you’re going to do that perfectly, however you choose to do it. So take all the time you need, but come back to us because I need you too. After all…I loved you first, Monkey.”

Because it’s true. Before there was Daisy, before there was Rosalie, before I had anyone else, I loved my sister Alice and it was through loving her that I learned to open my heart.

For a moment Alice just holds my hand, before she pushes me gently aside. “I have to go to the bathroom. You should go; take Jasper to see the baby and then you and Rosalie go home and have fun with bottles and diapers and never sleeping again.”

I can tell she’s trying to lighten the atmosphere and I laugh, although not without a slight grimace at her never-sleeping-again prophecy for my future. What can I say? I’m a lazy slob who likes his naps and I’m not looking forward to that part!

“Do you want us to wait until Carlisle comes back? Or Esme? Where is she, anyway?”

“Esme went down to see the baby,” Jasper answers, before he looks worriedly at Alice. “I don’t want to leave you by yourself.”

Alice smiles at him affectionately. “I’ll be fine. I can be by myself, you know! I _want_ to be by myself for five minutes! Go with Emmett and say hi to the baby- it’ll be good for you to meet her on the outside.” She swings her legs around and slides off the bed, walking gingerly towards the bathroom.

I grab the carseat and lead Jasper towards the nursery. “Are _you_ okay?” I ask, only a little awkwardly. “Everyone’s asking Alice, but…she was your baby too.”

Jasper gives me a lopsided smile. “I’m glad that it’s done. I just wanted Alice safe, that’s all. And the birth went well and she came through it okay, and you and Rosalie have the baby and Alice is okay with that too. That’s what matters to me the most.”

When we get back to the room, Rosalie has packed our things ready to go and Esme has Daisy in her arms.

“Oh Emmett, she’s beautiful!” Esme says. “I’m so happy to be a grandmother.” She sees Jasper hovering a little awkwardly behind me and her face softens even further. “Jasper, did you want to hold her for a moment?”

“Is that okay?” He looks uncertainly at Rosalie. “I don’t want…I mean, I just wanted to see her. That’s all.”

Much to my surprise, Rosalie reaches out to clasp Jasper’s hand. “It’s fine,” she says quietly. “I’m glad you came by…come say hi.”

Jasper takes Daisy from Esme and holds her with a casual confidence that surprises me. It must show on my face, because he smiles shyly and says, “I used to look after the babies, in my old life. I know how it’s done – at least the physical part.” He smiles at Daisy as she struggles to focus on his face. “But I don’t know how to be a dad, and I want that for her. Alice and I are really happy to know that she’s going to grow up with you.”

Rosalie hugs him, and he presses Daisy back into her arms before he says goodbye and heads back towards Alice. Rosalie looks after him and then her eyes meet mine and see the tears shining there. Tears for an emotion so deep that there isn’t a way to describe it, because she’s finally realising that this baby is really ours and that she’s a mother.

“Come on,” I say to her. “Let’s take our Daisy Jade and go home.”


	19. Letter #4

_Happy birthday little thing._

_It’s the middle of the night and once again I’m sitting up and writing to you, but this time you’re not here. You’re out in the world and, for the first time in months, I’m alone._

_Actually, I’m not completely alone. Jasper is here, asleep on a fold out sofa that doesn’t fold out long enough to accommodate him. I can’t even tell you how much I love him. He’s been with me all day and I don’t know how I would have got through it all without him, but I’m glad he’s asleep now. I need to feel alone. I need this time to be with my thoughts of you, to say goodbye and let you go, and figure out how I can live with the hollow you’ve left in my heart._

_I know that this is the right choice. I know that I can’t be your mother. I know that Emmett and Rosalie can be everything that you need. I know that by giving them to you, I’m giving you the best life that it’s in my power to give. I know these things. Even now, in this darkest night and with a sense of loss so acute it has barely even begun to hurt, I know that these things are true._

_What is also true, and what I hadn’t known until it happened, was how much I could love you. What is also true is that the right choice can also be the most painful one._

_Last night, I dreamed of you again. Maybe you just wanted to say goodbye? Because I haven’t dreamed of you like that since the start, but last night I closed my eyes and went to sleep and there you were. And when I woke up, the pains had started._

_I was scared then, little thing. Scared of the pain that I knew was coming, scared of everything going wrong…scared of everything going right. But then you moved, and it made me feel better because I knew that whatever happened we’d be going through it together._

_Mostly, my labour and your birth went to plan. We had so many people there for us. Jasper, Mom and Dad, Emmett and Rosalie…they were all there to hold my hand and rub my back and help me not feel afraid while we waited for you. And you came, slowly through the hours of labour while I listened to the amplified beat of your heart in a quiet room, and then in a sudden and unstoppable force when you split me open and forced your way into the world._

_In that moment I wanted it to stop. I wanted to hold you in, because all of a sudden I wasn’t ready to let you go. But you were inexorable. It was time, and something bigger than me took over and rushed through me and there you were. You cried, and they put you on my belly so they could cut the cord that bound us, and you looked into my eyes. That wasn’t supposed to happen, and when it did it broke my heart, little thing. Because it was hello and it was goodbye, and it was happiness enough to let me fly and grief enough to swallow me whole._

_More than anything else though, in that moment there was love. Love so full and so pure and so perfect that there aren’t words for it. Never, ever doubt how much I love you, little thing. They might have cut the physical cord that bound us, but there’s a connection there that can’t ever be severed. You grew inside my body and inside my heart, and what I feel for you will never leave me._

_I hope one day you’ll understand. I’m going to take this notebook of letters I’ve written to you and give it to Emmett and Rosalie for safekeeping. One day, when the time is right, they’ll give it to you and I hope that you read them. I hope you’ll understand how I feel and I hope that you will know, deep down in your heart, how much you were always loved._

_It’s so strange to be alone, after all these months of having you with me! My stomach is still kind of big and every time I move I’m reminded that I gave birth today, but there’s no kicks and pokes and heavy rolling baby inside me anymore. Is it weird that I kind of miss it?_

_Before you were born I wondered how it would feel, this first night without you. This morning you were inside my body and now we’re not even in the same building. Emmett and Rosalie have given you a name and taken you home and I’m still here, feeling like my heart’s been torn open and that I’m going to have to learn all over again how to live without you._

_It feels empty, little thing. It’s lonely, and it feels like the end of something magical. At the same time it feels like a whole new beginning…it feels like freedom._


	20. Welcome to Parenthood

Rosalie, who drove to the hospital in the morning like she was impersonating a Formula 1 driver, drives home in the evening like she’s impersonating a senior citizen. I’ve never seen her drive so slowly.

“You know, we’d really save on brake pads if you drove like this all the time,” I can’t resist commenting, as Rosalie coasts to a gentle stop at a light that’s barely even amber.

“Oh, shut up,” she mutters. “I don’t want to give her shaken baby syndrome…do you think she’s okay?”

“I don’t know.” I’m craning as far over the back of the seat as I can get while still restrained by the seatbelt, trying unsuccessfully to see into the rear facing baby seat. “I can’t tell...maybe we should get one of those mirrors so we can see her? She’s not crying or anything.”

“Well she wouldn’t be, if she’s stopped breathing.” Rosalie’s hands on the steering wheel are white with the tightness of her grip. “I can’t believe they just let us take her home already. Doesn’t that seem kind of irresponsible? What do we know about taking care of a baby?”

“Haven’t you read like every book ever written?”

“Yes, but what if I do it all wrong?!”

Rosalie’s current crisis of confidence is almost making me panic- she’s usually so bold and self-assured about everything that this anxiety is really throwing me. I take a deep breath and try and pull it together. “You won’t. WE won’t…there’s two of us, and I’m sure between us we can keep one small baby going. One small and beautiful baby, who is all ours…we are so lucky, and this is gonna be fun.” I squeeze her leg. “And there you go; she squeaked, so she’s still alive.”

Rosalie laughs. “I’m sorry I’m being such a nutcase. It’s just so…so…”

“I know,” I say, because I DO know. Daisy seems so fragile and delicate, and even though we’ve been waiting and preparing for this for months the transition from baby-in-Alice’s-belly to baby-in-our-arms still feels staggeringly abrupt.

And the responsibility of it! This tiny, helpless infant with her flower petal skin and snuffly breathing and her total reliance on Rosalie and I for absolutely everything… _oh god, please let me do this right._

When we reach home, Rosalie lifts the car seat out of the car with Daisy still fastened in it and sound asleep. I grab the bag and then climb the porch steps, discovering a bunch of flowers, a cooler bag and a Tupperware container on the doorstep.

“It’s from Bella,” Rosalie says, reaching for the note tucked under the flowers. “She says congratulations, she’s really happy for us. There’s lasagne and apple pie in the cooler bag and homemade bread in the container, she thought we might not feel like cooking tonight…that’s so nice of her!”

“God yes, I’m starving,” I say fervently. I haven’t eaten anything more substantial than a couple of protein bars all day and it’s getting late. “You’ve got the baby? I’ll go and stick this lot in the oven.”

I carry the loot into the kitchen, switching on the oven and putting the covered lasagne dish straight in. The apple pie goes into the fridge for later and the flowers go into a vase and then into the living room, where I place them carefully on the mantelpiece before I turn to Rosalie.

“Hey beautiful girl.”

Rosalie wraps her arms around me and leans into my chest, reaching up to lay a kiss in the hollow of my throat. “I love you.”

“I love you too. More than ever. You, me, baby Daisy…” I give her a lopsided smile. “I’ve got everything.”

“Me too.” Rosalie’s face is glowing as she looks from me to the baby, awake now and grimacing furiously as she moves uncoordinated fists. “I’m so happy Emmett. As soon as I held her today, it was all worth it. Everything we went through to get her…I would do it a thousand times over to be right where I am now.”

I tilt her face up so I can kiss her. The sort of thing that would usually lead to something else, but this time Daisy’s tiny kitten mewing turns into an actual wail, and I pull away.

“She probably wants some more milk,” Rosalie says, glancing at the clock. “I’ll go and heat some up.”

I fumble with the clips on the car seat straps. “Bring it outside. We can feed her on the porch and introduce her to Clementine.”

Daisy stops crying as I scoop her up and carry her outside. Clementine comes trotting up the steps and sniffs the bundle of baby intently, but once she ascertains that Daisy is offering neither apples, sugar cubes or carrots she loses interest and begins headbutting my pockets instead. Daisy contorts her face as she’s tickled by the donkey’s whiskers, but seems to find the porch lights more interesting than Clementine.

“Daisy’s not all that impressed with her donkey older sibling,” I say to Rosalie as she comes out, sinking onto the porch swing and taking the bottle she offers me. “What about milk then, kiddo? Can I interest you in that?”

The answer to that appears to be yes, as Daisy mouths at the bottle nipple and settles down to eat. I slide down a little in the swing, Rosalie curling up at my side and Clementine shoving a hairy nose in between us so that I’ll scratch her behind her ears. And as if the moment wasn’t already almost perfect, there’s a flash on the horizon and when I look towards town I can see the distant trail of fireworks in the dark sky. “Well hey, look at that.”

“Oh yeah, it’s the fourth of July,” Rosalie says dreamily. “She’s always going to be able to have fireworks on her birthday…that’s kind of cool.” She reaches over and strokes the baby’s fuzzy blonde head. “Happy birthday Daisy Jade.”

I sling an arm over Rosalie’s shoulder and kiss her hair, holding both my girls and feeling my heart fill. “I love you…oh, crap.”

“What?”

I gingerly hold the baby away from me, grimacing. “I think I did something wrong when I put that last diaper on…she’s just leaked shit down my arm.”

_______________________________________________

And somehow, that’s pretty much how early parenthood is - sublime moments of love and happiness, right alongside random, expected moments of shit.

From the moment she grabbed my hand in the delivery room, Daisy has held my heart in her tiny baby hands. I adore her; her funny expressive face, her velvety soft skin, her little chicken bone limbs and fuzzy, fair halo of hair. I love the way she looks at me so solemnly with her blue eyes and worried frown. I love the insubstantial weight of her in my arms, and the damp, sweaty warmth of her sleeping on my chest in the summer evenings.

I love watching Rosalie become a mother. I love seeing her softer side bloom, and watching her embrace her new role. Seeing all the passionate love and tenderness and nurture she’s capable of showered on our newborn daughter makes me love and appreciate her in a whole new way.

But alongside all the wonderful…it’s really fucking hard. Daisy eats ten times a day and poops just about as often. The formula needs to be made, the bottles sterilised and the diapers washed. The baby seems to leak from both ends and there’s an ever-growing pile of laundry that Rosalie and I are constantly shifting from washer to dryer to sofa, but never get around to actually putting away.

Then there’s the crying. Daisy cries when she’s hungry, cries when she’s tired, cries when she’s wet, cries when she’s pooped, cries when we change her diaper, cries when she’s got wind, cries when we give her a bath, cries when we change her clothes, cries when we put her in the car, cries when we put her in the bassinet, and cries a whole bunch of other times for reasons that remain a complete mystery.

The crying is hard to deal with. The sound of it does my head in, but worse than that is the way the unhappiness it expresses tugs on my heart. I would do anything in the world for my baby girl, but when her only way of telling me she needs something is screaming and my ability to interpret that is still so lacking, it’s a miserable impasse to be stuck at.

On top of that, the sleep deprivation makes me feel like someone’s hit me with a baseball bat. Swaddled and laid down in the bassinet, Daisy doesn’t sleep longer than two hours at a stretch. She’ll sleep a little longer if she’s being held and we can jiggle her around and pat her butt to resettle her when she stirs, but that’s not all that conducive to Rosalie and I getting any rest at the same time. We take turns sitting up with Daisy at night and I encourage Rosalie to nap during the day while I watch the baby, but both of us struggle. There’s a reason they use sleep deprivation as a torture technique…I didn’t know that I could be so exhausted and still function.

Rosalie has taken six weeks maternity leave. I’ve rescheduled and cancelled and fobbed clients off onto Jonah so that I’ve got two weeks free, with the idea being that I’ll work a lot the following four weeks that Rosalie’s home to catch up. Once Rosalie goes back to work the plan is that I’ll stay home with Daisy three days a week with Esme taking the other two days, and I’ll work around that. It had seemed like a great plan when we came up with it, but as the two weeks pass and no one has yet slept for more than a few hours straight, both Rosalie and I wonder how on earth we’re going to cope.

We’re not doing it without help though. Carlisle and Esme are brilliant. Esme drops by every couple of days, with subtle advice and suggestions and lots of encouragement, and doesn’t leave without doing some housework. She’s the one who convinces Rosalie that the cloth diapers are always leaking because Daisy’s scrawny butt and frog legs mean they don’t fit properly, and the world won’t end if we use disposables for a few weeks until she grows into them, which results in a reduction of probably half of our laundry.

Carlisle is endlessly patient with our new-parent nervousness and ignorance, answering all our questions with reassurance and good humour. He tells Rosalie that it’s really not necessary to record every ounce of formula Daisy consumes and track her weight and diapers, but he still looks at Rosalie’s notes and confirms that it’s all good. He even drives over at 4am one morning when I call him in a panic because Daisy’s been crying for three hours straight and she has a rash and Rosalie’s convinced she’s got meningitis. Of course by the time he gets there Daisy is asleep and the rash turns out to be nothing more than a heat rash, but Carlisle just makes himself a cup of tea, sits on the sofa with the baby and tells Rosalie and I to go to bed, that he’s got it.

Rosalie’s mother is mostly only interested in doing newborn photo shoots (which culminate in Daisy shitting all over a nine hundred dollar sheepskin rug), but the resulting photos are beautiful. Lily uses them to design a birth announcement and thank you notes for the baby shower and gifts, and then actually prints, addresses and posts them out since Rosalie wants it done but it too tired to do it herself. Considering I took a photo on my phone of Daisy on Clementine’s back, texted it to everyone I knew and considered that an announcement, this was not a job that I even realised had to be done, but it makes Rosalie happy and that’s a good thing. Even better, Lily and Jack gift us with a month of a fancy meal delivery service that saves us cooking and means we’re eating better than we usually do.

We get a lot of visitors. Edward and Bella come, Jonah, friends – everyone wanting to say congratulations and welcome Daisy to her wider world. But the one gaping hole, the absence that breaks my heart, is Alice.

She’d told me before Daisy was born that she was going to want space afterwards. She’d asked that I stay away, and keep the baby away, until she was ready and I’d promised to do that. But I hadn’t realised how much it would hurt, not being able to share the biggest thing in my life with my sister. I hadn’t realised how much I would miss her. Like I’ve always done I text her regularly, random thoughts or jokes or links or photos of my work, but her responses are sporadic and she doesn’t answer calls. The reality of Daisy separates us like an abyss.

_____________________________________________

“Emmett…come on, go home.”

“Huh? What?” I jerk upright in my tattooing chair and blink blearily at Jonah, standing in the doorway of my area and looking at me in amusement. “I’m awake. Shit…what time is it?”

“It’s all right, you’ve only been asleep about fifteen minutes,” Jonah says, jingling his keys at me. “But I’m heading off and I thought I probably shouldn’t leave you to sleep here. You’ve cleaned everything up?”

I glance over at the autoclave. “Yeah, I sorted all that out after the client left…I didn’t mean to sleep, I just sat down for a second…”

“That’s all it takes.” Jonah grins sympathetically. “Baby still not sleeping?”

“You could kill me right now, and all I would feel is grateful for the opportunity to close my eyes,” I mutter. “Who knew something so tiny could be such a tyrant?” But my voice is soft, and I can’t stop the smile at the thought of the infant dictator who currently rules my house.

“She’ll settle down soon enough,” Jonah says.

I stand up and stretch, groaning as straighten out in the kinks in my back. It’s been a long day. “Yeah, I hope so. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

Edward’s sent me a text and I contemplate stopping by his place first, but in the end I just swing by the grocery store for milk, bread and diapers and then head home. A good decision as it turns out, since I pull up to find a crying wife waiting for me on our front porch with a howling baby in her arms.

“I can’t do this,” Rosalie says desperately, pushing Daisy towards me. “I can’t…she didn’t sleep all day…the tumble dryer is only blowing cold air so there are three loads of wet washing that I can’t do anything with…Daisy has been crying for the last three hours, she doesn’t want milk, she doesn’t want a new diaper, she doesn’t want to sleep, she doesn’t want _me_ …” And she dissolves into tears.

“Aww Rosa.” I take Daisy with one arm, and try and hug Rosalie with the other hand that’s still juggling the shopping. “I’m sorry you had a bad day, but it’s okay…”

“I am so shit at this! I wanted a baby so much, but…she hates me, she does, she knows I’m not really her mother…” Rosalie’s shoulders are heaving.

“You _are_ her mother, and she doesn’t hate you, she’s just a baby…” I drop the shopping and manage to get my arms around Rosalie, with Daisy sandwiched somewhat awkwardly between us. At least this distracts her enough that her frantic shrieks temporarily drop down to gasping hiccups. “It’s all right…”

“I’m sorry,” Rosalie sobs. “I just…I can’t do anything right…she never stops crying…and oh god if I don’t get some _sleep_ …”

I kiss her head and stroke her hair, half wanting to start bawling myself. “You’re doing everything you need to do,” I tell her. “Look at her- Daisy’s thriving. So she cries…so what? She’s six weeks old, it’s all she knows how to do. You’re being a great mom. You just need some sleep, that’s all.”

Daisy’s crying ratchets up a notch and Rosalie, even as tears drip down her cheeks, rubs a tender hand over her back and kisses her head. “Come on, baby girl, it’s okay…” Her face is pale and anxious, deep purple shadows under her red-rimmed eyes. She looks utterly exhausted.

“You need some sleep,” I repeat. “I’m serious. Look, I’ll take Daisy and go to the Laundromat; I can deal with the laundry and if the baby cries there no one will care. You stay here and sleep…only sleep! No housework or any other crap! You’ll feel a lot better…okay?”

I’m not going to take no for an answer, but Rosalie’s too tired to object anyway. She stays sitting despondently on the porch step rocking a wailing Daisy while I throw piles of clean, wet laundry into the Jeep and make sure the diaper bag is packed. After that I gently take the baby and strap her into her carseat, setting it aside for a moment so that I can hug Rosalie.

“I love you,” I say to Rosalie, caressing her damp cheek. “And I mean it, you are doing a great job, you’re a great mom, and Daisy loves you. You’re just tired right now, and that’s making everything look so shit… I’ll be gone for a few hours so you go and lie down and sleep while there’s no one else here to disturb you. It’ll do wonders, I promise.”

Driving away with Daisy squalling in the backseat and the whole Jeep smelling like soggy laundry, all I can think is that sometimes, being a grown up really, really sucks. _I really want my mom._ Plugging the phone into the car speakers, I call the two people I know I can always count on.

“Esme? Can I come over? I know Alice doesn’t want to see the baby and I have Daisy with me but…didn’t she go to New York this morning? Was it today? I need to use your tumble dryer. Or can you and Carlisle meet me somewhere? Because the baby won’t stop crying – you can hear her – and Rosalie’s on the verge of a breakdown, and frankly I’ve got no fucking idea what I can do here…”

Esme laughs gently. “Come on over. Bring Daisy, and we’ll see what we can do to help you.”

 _Thank god for my family._ I turn the music up to help cover Daisy’s noise, and turn towards my other home.


	21. Worth It

Esme and Carlisle meet me at the door, with arms outstretched both for the baby and the washing. I hand both over, and go back to the Jeep for the diaper bag and the other basket. I jam as much of the wet clothes into the dryer as will fit and then go and flop down on the sofa.

“Shhh,” Carlisle murmurs. He’s holding Daisy up against his shoulder and rhythmically patting her back, and whether it’s his hand of experience or she’s just exhausted herself, she’s finally quiet. “So what’s going on?”

“Is Rosalie okay?” Esme wants to know.

“Well, she’s not doing _great_ ,” I admit with a sigh. “We’re both so damn tired! Daisy’s not sleeping and so Rosalie’s not either – we take it in turns to get up with her, but even when I’m the one getting up Rosalie just stays awake stressing about everything. And I’ve been working a lot for the past couple of weeks, just getting as much out of the way as I can before I cut my days down once Rosalie goes back to work, so she’s been at home with the baby and she doesn’t sleep during the day either. Plus, the crying that we can’t really do anything about…” I shrug helplessly. “You know what Rosalie is like – she’s a perfectionist and a control freak from way back, but that doesn’t exactly work with a newborn.”

Carlisle frowns faintly. “Rosalie’s not dealing with the post-natal hormonal chaos of a birth mother, but she’s still undergoing an enormous adjustment as a new parent. It wouldn’t hurt her to talk to her doctor if she’s finding things difficult. And while sleep deprivation is kind of par for the course with a newborn, Rosalie really needs to try and get as much rest as she can. Sleep when the baby sleeps is the golden rule! And since she’s not breastfeeding and you can take on some of the night feeds too, she needs to try and relax enough to let you do that while she sleeps.”

“We’re happy to help too,” Esme says. “You just need to ask! We’ll even do an overnight if that helps.”

I smile tiredly. “I know, and thank you. But Rosalie’s having a hard time letting Daisy out of her sight, so I don’t know that she’d go for that. And you don’t want to bring the baby here with Alice anyway.” A lump rises in my throat. “I know she doesn’t want to see us yet. And I get it, I do…but I miss her. And this is kind of shit - I have a wife who’s on the brink of a breakdown, a baby daughter who never sleeps, and a sister who I don’t even get to see anymore.” I have to stop before I start bawling.

“Oh Emmett.” Esme hugs me. “It sounds like _you_ need some more sleep too. I know the distance with Alice has been difficult for you but it won’t last forever. Every time I see you she asks me all about how you’re all doing, and over the last week or so she’s been looking at every single photo of Daisy that you send me on the phone. She just needed time, but she’s really happy with the situation and I think when she gets back from this trip to New York she’ll be ready to see you all again. She’s missed you as much as you’ve missed her.”

I rest my head against her shoulder for a moment.

“So the Alice situation will resolve itself, I think,” Carlisle says. “Rosalie- well, I’m presuming you’ve bought Daisy here so that Rosalie has an empty and quiet house to sleep in? That will help.”

I nod. “Yeah. Well, and also because the dryer broke and if we don’t get this laundry done I won’t have any socks.”

Carlisle laughs, and lays Daisy on the sofa between us. “That’s fine. As for you little peanut, is there any reason you’re giving mommy and daddy such a hard time? Emmett, mind if I take a look?”

“Go ahead.” I yawn.

“Her heat rash has pretty much cleared up,” Carlisle comments, unbuttoning her onesie and checking her back and chest. “There’s a little bit of redness in her neck crease, we could put some cream on that…her belly feels okay though. What are you feeding her?” He nods as I tell him the name of the formula. “She might find a different kind a little easier on her digestion. If you’d like to give it a try I can run by the store and pick some up for you? That could help her be a little more settled. Even if it doesn’t…well, it might make you feel better to know that a baby’s crying usually peaks at around six to eight weeks, so it should start to improve soon?” He laughs gently and blows a raspberry on her belly.

I laugh too. “Well, there’s always that I guess.”

“It’s a phase,” Esme says teasingly. “You’ll hear that again, and again…and then again! But it’s quite true. When it comes to babies, it’s often just a phase that you have to get through as best you can.”

“Well, I’ll try some different formula anyway. I don’t like to think that she’s got a bellyache or something.” I catch one of Daisy’s tiny hands and bring it to my lips.

Carlisle buttons her back into her onesie, and Esme swoops in and scoops her up. “My turn!” she says. “Emmett, you look tired too; why don’t you take a nap? I can take care of Daisy and make sure the laundry gets dried, and Carlisle can go pick up some formula.”

The idea of sleep is so enticing, and if they _want_ to look after the baby… I’m halfway down the hallway to my old bedroom before I even say thank you.

I pause by Alice’s room. It’s the unusual tidiness that catches my eye at first, with nothing on the floor and the bed neatly made, but it’s only looking at the bed that I see it. One of the birth announcements that Lily made up is propped up against the lamp on her nightstand so that it must be the first thing Alice sees in the morning and the last thing she sees at night. _Daisy Jade Hale-Cullen,_ with a photograph of my daughter’s quizzical face and blue eyes under her halo of blonde fuzzy hair. My heart catches as I think about what Alice has gone through, and what she’s still going through as she learns to live in a world where Daisy exists outside her belly. The picture being there gives me hope though, that she’s coming to terms with it in her own way and that this soon she’ll come back to me.

And then when I wake up there’s a text message. _I love New York!!!_ Accompanied by a photo of Alice in Times Square, arms spread wide and a grin on her face that could probably light up the city. Even as I’m smiling at it, the phone rings and seeing her name on the screen I grab it.

“So you love New York, hey?”

“It’s amazing!” Alice gushes breathlessly. “I am _so_ glad to be here- it was worth all that work and studying and everything!”

“That’s great Monkey, I’m really glad,” I say, stretching out.

“Jasper and I have appointments with a realtor tomorrow to look at some apartments…it’s going to be so great! Mom and Dad made the shortlist of these places – they’re paying for it and they didn’t want me living somewhere totally sketchy – but we can pick whichever one we like,” she goes on. “Will you come and see me when I’ve moved in? This trip is just to set everything up, I won’t be moving down properly until closer to the start of school, but you’ll come right? The apartments are all like shoeboxes, but we’ll figure it out. Anyway, we’re going to look at apartments and check out Jasper’s school and do lots of fun tourist things too – it’s my first real vacation away from Mom and Dad, it’s crazy…”

“Well don’t do anything too crazy,” I warn her. “Take care of yourself, since I’m not going to be around to do it for you! I’m glad you love it, but I’m going to miss you when you move.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” Alice takes a deep breath. “I really _have_ missed you. Thank you for just giving me that space…I really needed it, you know? But I feel good now, and being here and actually moving on with my life feels amazing. This is what I wanted…I’m going to live here in this city and go to school and I can’t wait!”

Her exhilaration and optimism makes my heart hurt in the best way. This is all I’ve ever wanted for her; for her to be happy, and to live her life for joy, and now it’s what she’s doing. I know life is never perfectly smooth sailing, but right now…this is enough.

“I bought Daisy a present,” Alice says. “When I come home I can give it to her…how is she doing?”

“She’s doing good,” I say. “Getting bigger! Eating, sleeping, crying…she’s really beautiful.” I head down the hall. “We’re at Carlisle and Esme’s right now. Daisy’s doing great but she doesn’t actually _sleep_ or anything, so I bought her over here to take advantage of their magic touch and let me take a nap.” Sure enough, as I enter the living room I find Daisy peacefully asleep on the sofa while Esme folds my laundry and Carlisle washes dishes. “I swear to god, she wakes within thirty seconds of me putting her down every single time and here they’ve got her napping on her own while they just go about their lives!”

Alice laughs. “Well, better you than me! I can’t wait to see you all; I’ve really missed you. And I really want to be her auntie! You can…you can text me about her now, if you want to?” she says hesitantly. “You know, tell me what she’s doing, and send photos, like you do for Mom. I didn’t want that at first, but now…I already read Mom’s texts and I love seeing her pictures. I’d really love to know what’s going on with you and feel involved.”

“I’ll do that,” I promise her. “I tell her about you all the time. I know she doesn’t understand anything yet, but she’s always going to know about what a legend you are and what you did for all of us.”

“Well, give her some kisses from me,” Alice says. “And tell Mom and Dad that Jasper and I are having an awesome time and no one has mugged me yet and they were right and I probably didn’t really need two suitcases of clothes but the Uber guy was super helpful about getting them into the trunk and...”

“Here, tell them yourself,” I say hastily. “I’m going to eat some dinner if they left me anything…have fun and you can tell me all about it when you get home!” I pass the phone across to Esme.

“There’s a bowl of stew in the fridge, you can microwave it,” Esme tells me as she takes the phone. “Hi honey, how’s New York?”

I reheat the stew and lean against the counter to eat it, talking to Carlisle. “Thanks for looking after Daisy and letting me sleep.”

“Our pleasure,” Carlisle says sincerely. “I gave her a bottle of the new formula; I’d suggest trying her on that over the next couple of weeks and seeing if that makes her more settled.”

“She certainly seems more settled already,” I say wryly, looking at my sleeping daughter on the sofa. “Usually if I try and put her down she wakes right up.”

Carlisle rinses off the last pan. “She’ll get there. She’s a beautiful baby and she’s doing really well…you and Rosalie are doing really well. Newborns are just hard work, that’s all.”

“So it gets easier?”

“Well…some things get easier,” Carlisle says with a grin. “But then there’ll be a whole new set of challenges! You’ve just got to roll with it, and enjoy all the good things that go along with it.” He peels off the rubber gloves. “I was serious about Rosalie perhaps needing to talk to someone. You know her best Emmett, so keep an eye on her. But having a new baby is a big adjustment, and Rosalie’s journey to motherhood wasn’t straightforward. She may have a lot of complex feelings about her infertility and the adoption and she shouldn’t hesitate to go and see someone to help her work through that if she’s having trouble.”

I nod. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Well, it sounds like Alice is having a wonderful time.” Esme passes my phone over to me, and smiles ruefully at Carlisle. “I know our whole job was to guide our children to becoming functional adults, but I don’t know if I’m ready to let my baby go!”

Carlisle hugs her. “Alice is going to be fine. You raised an amazing girl, and she’s going to do some amazing things…even more than she already has.”

____________________________________________

I give it a couple more hours before I pack up Daisy and the laundry and head back home, finding Rosalie blinking sleepily at me from her pillow as she wakes up.

“Hey,” I say, crawling onto the bed beside Rosalie, laying Daisy carefully in between us. “How are you?”

Rosalie stretches luxuriously. “I feel like a different person – I really needed the sleep. Thank you for that.” She cups the baby’s face in her hand and kisses her forehead. “Hey my beautiful Daisy-bug.”

Daisy’s face goes through her usual grimaces and contortions but this time, for the first time ever, it ends in a wide gummy smile as she gazes up at Rosalie.

“I think she’s happy to see her mommy,” I say softly.

“Oh look, she’s smiling.” There are tears in Rosalie’s eyes, even as she laughs delightedly. “Look at you, little bug! Oh my god Em, she’s so cute.”

“She’s beautiful.” I lean across Daisy and catch Rosalie’s lips in a kiss. “As beautiful as you. Look, are you really doing okay here? What you said before, about not being her mother…you know that’s not true, right? You’re what she knows; you’re her mom in all the ways that matter right now.”

“I know. I was just so tired I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Rosalie smiles down at Daisy. “It’s just…this has been really hard. I wanted her so much, for so long, that I guess I kind of built up some kind of idealised notion of what it was going to be like. And it’s wonderful, of course it is, but at the same time I can’t stop her crying, I can’t get her to sleep, the house is a disaster…I feel like I have absolutely no control over anything, and I’ve never been so tired in my whole life!” She shrugs self-deprecatingly. “It’s been difficult to go from basically being a confident and successful woman managing my team at work and achieving everything I set my sights on, to sobbing on the floor at the mercy of a six week old infant who won’t go to sleep!”

I laugh gently. “I know, it’s been kind of rough. If you want to talk to someone besides me, we can find someone. I was talking to Carlisle – I went to their place and finished off the laundry in their dryer – and he said we need to make sure you’re in a good place yourself, so that you can be the best mom you can be.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, but I think we’re doing okay. I’m tired, and I know I need to learn to relax and let you take over sometimes.” Rosalie kisses Daisy’s little hands and makes faces at her until the baby smiles at her again, before she goes on slowly, “I think I’ve had a hard time too because I feel like there’s extra pressure on me because we _did_ adopt her – like I have to be perfect to be worthy of being given the chance to be her mother.”

“Oh Rosa, no…no one expects you to be perfect,” I say. “We just have to do the best we can and sure, we’ll probably fuck it up sometimes, because everyone does, but that’s okay. Whether you adopted her, or gave birth to her, or I don’t know – found her in the cabbage patch – you’re going to be all the mother she needs. And really, you’re doing great so far– she’s thriving and she obviously loves you. She even gave you her first smile!”

Rosalie giggles. “And wasn’t it the cutest little smile! We need to get her to do it again and take a picture.”

“Oh, and text it to Alice,” I say, remembering. “I talked to her before, she’s in New York looking at apartments, and she said that she’s feeling better about everything and she’d love it if we’d text her updates and photos. She wants to see us all when she gets back.”

I look carefully at Rosalie, not entirely sure how she’s going to react to this. Daisy’s adoption is irrevocable now and Rosalie has always insisted that Alice will be a welcome presence in the baby’s life, but I wonder if the reality will be different.

But to my relief, Rosalie just grins. “That’s great. I’ve been worried about her – I’m so glad she’s feeling happier. I’d love to see her, and have her get to know Daisy on the outside.”

“It will make it all feel more settled,” I say thoughtfully. “When Alice is taking her place as Daisy’s aunt and we’re all hanging out together again. And of course you’ll be back at work next week, and we’ll have to start getting into a regular sort of routine.”

“I don’t know how I feel about that.” Rosalie admits. “Part of me is terrified to leave Daisy, and the other part is absolutely desperate to get back to my lab – at least the robots can be programmed!”

I laugh. “Yeah, I know…I’m pretty freaked out about being the stay at home dad three days a week, without you being there for back up!”

“Well, you just have to do the best you can too,” Rosalie says, kissing me. “No one expects you to be perfect either…we’re going to do all right, the three of us. Hey Daisy-bug? You think we’re doing okay? You do, don’t you…now how about you give Mommy another one of your beautiful smiles and Daddy can take your photo and we can share it? How about that?”

Then there are kisses and tickles and cajoling, until once again Daisy’s face creases up into a smile. And as hard as it is…damn but it’s all worth it.


	22. Daisies and Monkeys

“Emmett…Emmett…wake up…”

“Hmm?” I mumble, pulling the quilt higher over my face to block out the midmorning sun.

“Happy birthday.” Rosalie bites my earlobe and kisses my neck, her hands sliding deliciously across my chest and lower down my belly. “It’s time to get up. I’ve fed the baby and put her in her swing with some toys to look at and I think we should have time…”

“Thank you…unggh.” I roll towards her in bed and close my eyes, breathing hard, losing myself in what she’s doing to me. Twelve years, and she still makes me lose my mind. “Oh god, yes, yes, yes….oh no, no, _NO!_ ” I groan in despair, as a familiar wail cuts in.

Rosalie pauses. “Wait…maybe she might settle?”

“Oh please, please,” I mutter. “Come on Daisy, it’s Daddy’s birthday…”

Daisy’s shrieks escalate. She is absolutely, definitely, _not_ going back to sleep. And maybe it’s my birthday, but even so I am absolutely, definitely, _not_ going to be getting any this morning.

“I don’t think she cares it’s your birthday.” Rosalie sighs and looks down at me regretfully. “Sorry. I tried! You’re going to have to…take care of that yourself, while I get up and deal with her. That’s the best I can do for you right now!”

“Aaargh!” I run my hands through my hair and flop back against the pillows as Rosalie grabs her robe and disappears. A moment later the noise cuts out, and I shake my head and haul my ass out of bed and into the shower.

When I come back out Rosalie is dressed and brushing her hair in our bedroom. As I reach past her to get some clothes, I kiss her bare shoulder, “Hey beautiful girl.”

Rosalie twists her hair into a topknot and brushes a hand across my cheek with a rueful smile. “Sorry about that – I really thought she’d give us a moment!”

I shrug and laugh. “Ah well, it’s still my birthday for the rest of the day. As for you!” I lean over Daisy, lying in the centre of our bed and watching us. She kicks her legs frantically and beams at me. “There’s a word for what you did back there! It’s not a nice word to say about your baby, but it’s also not nice of babies to not give daddy and mommy five minutes alone occasionally.” I lower my face and blow raspberries on her belly, breaking up in laughter at the hilarious, honking chuckle that she’s only developed in the last couple of days.

Rosalie laughs too. “That cracks me up! Now, can you dust off the outdoor furniture and make sure there’s no donkey shit on the porch please? I let you sleep as long as I could, but people are going to be arriving soon. I’ll get Daisy dressed and finish up with the food.”

“Sure,” I say obligingly, throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. We’ve planned a relaxed lunch with friends and family to celebrate my birthday, and the weather is looking perfect to eat outside.

I swipe a cloth over the porch furniture and carry out some extra camping chairs from the basement, and then shovel up the donkey mess than Clementine has lovingly left right outside the kitchen window. I’m grooming her and whistling when the screen door bangs and Edward comes out, two beers in one hand and Daisy tucked into the crook of his other elbow.

“Happy birthday,” he says, handing me over a beer.

“Thanks.” I slap Clementine’s rump and she leans against me, sniffing interestedly at the beer. “I’m glad you could come.”

“How could I not want to celebrate your birthday?” Edward jokes. “And come and check up on this little one – every time I see her she’s getting bigger.” He lets Daisy grasp his finger. “How’s she doing?”

“Good. Carlisle put her on some new formula and it’s making a difference- we’ve had a few slightly longer stretches of sleep, anyway.”

“Rosalie started back at work this week, didn’t she? How’s that going?” Edward takes a seat on the sofa.

“It’s hard,” I say honestly. “She misses Daisy a lot, she’s been calling like five times a day. But I think it’s good for her; weirdly enough Rosalie seems more relaxed when she’s got work to think about as well, rather than just focusing solely on the baby. At least she’s given up keeping track of exactly how many ounces of formula Daisy drinks and how many diapers we go through!” I make a face.

Edward laughs. “Are you having fun being at home with her? I mean, I know it’s only been a week, but do you think you’ll like it?”

“Yeah, I do actually,” I admit. “I mean, she just gets more alert and responsive every day…she laughs now, it’s great. Watch.” I fill my cheeks and then puff the air out with a noise that Daisy apparently finds hysterical. “See? Honestly, she’s great to hang out with…listens to me talk shit and clearly appreciates my sense of humour. What more could I ask for?” I take a swallow of my beer and then hand it to Edward. “Hold this for me, I have to go and tether Clementine so she can’t eat the party food. She got into the kitchen last week and broke into the pantry…Rosalie will send her to the glue factory if she eats the food meant for guests today.”

I tie Clementine at the bottom of the porch steps so she can’t get to the food but she won’t feel left out. I know she’ll spend the whole afternoon standing there and batting her eyelashes and whickering at people until they feed her treats. I take a moment to fill a bucket of water for her and scratch her chest, and when I turn around to climb the porch steps I find Alice there.

“Happy birthday!” she says.

I open up my arms and hug her, momentarily feeling slightly disoriented at her slenderness. She feels so slight and insubstantial again, with her skinny body and spider limbs, after so many months of hugging her with the solid lump of Daisy in between us.

Daisy. My gaze flicks up to where Edward is on the porch sofa holding the baby, Alice’s eyes following mine. I see a brief flash of apprehension cross her face, but then she smiles broadly and grabs my hand.

“Oh Emmett, she’s got so big!”

“You want to hold her?”

“Yes please.” Alice doesn’t even hesitate, moving towards Edward and holding out her hands. He passes the baby over and tactfully withdraws, and Alice sits cross-legged on the sofa, holding Daisy tenderly.

“Hey little thing,” she says softly. “Nice to meet you…again.” And she bends forward and kisses Daisy’s cheeks and then looks up at me and laughs. “She is so cute! I can’t believe it…and she’s so big now!”

“She’s gained two and a half pounds,” I say, sitting on the sofa beside her. “Her clothes are finally starting to fit.”

“She’s beautiful.” Alice traces the curve of Daisy’s cheek and unfolds her tiny hands to look at her wee baby fingers, adding with a slight laugh, “Jasper and I made you a real cute one!”

“You sure did.”

“Look in my bag,” Alice directs. “I bought you a birthday present, with a matching one for Daisy, and something extra for her too.”

I dig into the tote bag Alice has dropped by the back door and pull out a bundle of cloth. I unfold it to find a t-shirt in my size emblazoned with _I heart New York!_ and a matching baby onesie, both of them wrapped around a snow globe featuring the distinctive New York skyline.

“Will she like it?” Alice asks tentatively. “I know she can’t really play with it, but it’s pretty to look at. And you can show it to her and say that that’s where her Auntie Alice lives.”

“It’s great.” I shake it up and hold it so that Daisy can watch the swirling glitter snow. “Look, she likes it already. And thanks for the t-shirt, I’ll wear it when I come to visit you and embarrass you by acting like a hick tourist.”

“You have to come and visit me!” Alice says enthusiastically. “I want to go shopping with Rosalie and go to the Met with Mom and we can take Daisy to the park and go to the symphony with Edward and there’s probably something boring for Dad like a postage stamp museum or whatever…”

I snort. “I wouldn’t give Carlisle too much grief; he’s the one funding your little adventure. Visiting a postage stamp museum is probably a small price to pay.”

“Oh, I know! It’s so expensive too; the rent is outrageous for what’s practically a glorified closet but I love the apartment. And I love the city…I can’t wait to live there and get started at college!”

“I’m glad,” I say softly. “I’m really glad that you’re so happy.”

“I am happy.” Alice tickles Daisy’s toes. “It’s what I wanted more than anything.”

“And…this…is okay?” I touch the baby’s cheek and she looks past Alice and smiles at me. “Daisy? Her being here with me and Rosalie instead of being yours?”

Alice nods. “Yes. The truth is Emmett, she never felt like mine. Not really. I always knew it was only for a little while; I was only ever taking care of her until I could give her to you and Rosalie where she really belonged. I didn’t want more than that.” She kisses one of Daisy’s little hands.

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Well, we love her and…look, I know I can’t say thank you for her every time I see you, but you know I’m feeling it, right?”

“I know.” Alice laughs. “And I don’t want you to say thank you every time! This whole situation has been really intense, and we have to move on from that…it’s time to just be a regular family. Mom and Dad get to be the doting grandparents, and you and Rosalie get to be just the parents, not specifically the “adoptive” parents. And of course I get to be the favourite auntie with a totally cool New York city life who brings the best gifts!”

“Jasper’s okay with all this too?”

Alice nods. “Yes; he really thinks it’s better this way and he’s really looking forward to going to New York in the fall too. He’s coming over later on. He said you’ve been texting him sometimes?”

“Yeah well, Jasper’s all right.” I grin at her. “He might be an idiot who doesn’t know how to use a condom, but what can I say? I’ve grown to like the kid.”

“Emmett!” Alice blushes bright red. “Well don’t worry about that, because I can assure you I’ve taken steps to make sure that this doesn’t happen again. I have an IUD, which Dad says is about the most effective method of contraception out there. If you want Daisy to be a big sister one day, then that’s all on you.”

“We’ll see how that goes.” I shake the snow globe and hold it up for Daisy again. It’s been twenty one months of unprotected sex and Rosalie still getting periods like clockwork every single time – it’s pretty clear by now that the two of us aren’t going to be having any kids of our own without some serious intervention. The joy of Daisy in our lives has made this fact not hurt the way it once did, but with a big family being something we always wanted I know it’s still an issue I’ll know we’ll have to deal with at some point.

“I did want to ask you something though,” Alice says. “Can you tattoo over stretchmarks?”

“Yeah; it can be tricky and the results might not be perfect, but it can be done.”

“Oh well…what’s perfect anyway?” Alice sighs. “Life is not exactly perfect.”

I hesitate. “You might not be able to cover them up. Because we are talking about you, right? Did you end up with some on your belly? You really can’t judge how they’re going to look yet, it’s way too soon to know how your skin is going to settle…”

“I don’t want to cover them up!” Alice says fiercely. “It’s not about that!” She pushes Daisy towards me, and when I take the baby she lifts her t-shirt. “See? They’re not even that bad. It’s not that I want to tattoo over them specifically, it’s just that they’re right where I want to put it. Here.” She strokes the skin low on her belly, over towards her right hip, and I see the thin red lines where it stretched to grow my daughter.

“That wouldn’t be too hard to work with,” I say.

“I know you won’t do anything on me now,” Alice says hurriedly. “I know I have to wait. But I drew something…I’ll show you.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a notebook, flipping to a page near the back that she turns to face me. “I just want something for her...”

It’s a daisy. A simple outline, delicate petals and curved stem with a slightly crumpled leaf…and somehow, it’s utterly perfect. “That’s beautiful,” I say hoarsely, “And fuck it…as long as Carlisle and Esme say it’s okay I’ll do it on you now.” 

“Do you really mean it?” Alice bites her lip. “You always said you wouldn’t do any ink on me until I was geriatric.”

I laugh gently. “Yeah, I know. But that was before…you’re not the fickle kid I thought you were. You’ve grown up a lot, and you know your own mind. If you say you want this, then I trust you to have thought about it.”

“I have thought about,” Alice says fervently. “It’s not that I’m ever going to forget, but…I feel like I want something that marks the outside the way it’s all left a mark on the inside, you know? A daisy flower tattoo…no one will see it unless I want them to, and they won’t know what it means unless I explain, but I’ll always have it, right where I used to feel her kick.”

I understand this; the roses I had Jonah tattoo over my heart are more than just pretty pictures to me. It’s part of what I love about what I do, the way art is inked permanently into skin as memorial, as celebration, as tribute. I run my hand over the baby’s soft head and smile at Alice, not hiding how much she’s touched me.

“I love it. Give it the rest of summer, just to let your skin heal and settle as much as possible after the pregnancy, but if Carlisle and Esme will sign off on it I’ll do it on you before you leave for school. Okay?”

“Yes!” Alice beams and hugs me, dipping her head to plant a smacking kiss on a startled Daisy’s forehead. “I know they’ll say yes – thank you!”

___________________________________________

I tattoo Alice one morning in late summer, transferring her drawing from paper to skin. It takes shape quickly, the delicate lines flowering onto her skin, a basic black outline that’s beautiful in its simplicity. A daisy for our Daisy, representing all of Alice’s sacrifice and a love beyond measure

It’s the hardest tattoo I’ve ever done.

Alice is quiet, lying back in the chair and holding the notebook her drawing was in, staring at the ceiling while I work on her lower belly. I follow her lead and work without talking too, until I take a quick glance at her and see the tears slipping silently down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I hope it’s not hurting too much…I’ll be done soon.”

“It’s not what you’re doing that hurts,” Alice says simply.

I wipe away the welling blood and move on to the next petal, working as gently as I can on the tender flesh until the flower is done, perfect and enduring. “It’s finished.”

Alice looks down and smiles. “Oh Emmett, thank you!” She looks up at me, her eyes swimming with tears but her face bright. “I loved her so much, you know? I wanted to give her everything, and giving her to you and Rosalie was the best way I could do that…I need you to know that. I didn’t want to be her mother, but the way I loved her was never _less,_ it was just different. I want Daisy to understand that too.” For a moment she hesitates, and then holds out the notebook. “I wrote her letters when I was pregnant. All those things I wanted to tell her…I didn’t want to be her mother and she’ll always know that, she’ll always know that I gave her up, but I really want her to understand why _._ I want her to know that it was never about her, that I was never rejecting _her._ I want her life to be amazing, because I love her…god, I love her Emmett.” Alice takes a deep breath. “I always loved her. But I have to go and live my life now, and kind of let this go. Let this pregnancy be the past. So I want you and Rosalie to keep the letters now. You can read them if you want to and when Daisy’s older, if she ever has questions and wants to know…well, you can give it to her when the time is right.”

I take the notebook and flip through it. _Hey little thing…_ Pages of Alice’s loopy handwriting telling her story, telling Daisy’s story. With a sudden quirk of memory I see an elementary school aged Alice in tears because Momma was gone and there wasn’t anyone to tell her about when she had been a baby, and I see these letters for the gift that they are. I leaf through until the last page, where Alice drew the daisy that I’ve just inked into her skin, and I smile at her with my heart full.

“I’ll keep it for Daisy and give it to her when she needs it,” I promise. My finger traces the outline of her drawing again and I say impulsively, “Hey, you mind if I use this picture again?”

“Why?”

“Because I really love it, and I want to do it on me too,” I say, half laughing and half grimacing. “So, if it’s okay with you…have you got another half hour? Because I can do it on my leg easily enough, but it’s going to make me cry and I’ll need someone to wipe away the tears so I can see what I’m doing.”

Alice giggles and hugs me. “I’ll get the tissues.”

She stays by my side and, even though she’s laughing at me, she wipes away the tears as I put her design into my skin. I don’t stop there though; there’s something else I want right alongside it. Freehand tattooing is crazy reckless, but I know I can do this; I’ve been drawing them for seventeen years. With steady hands I tattoo myself until it’s exactly what I want – a daisy for my daughter and, hanging from the curved stem, a tiny monkey for my sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – I never want to stop writing about these characters! But I feel like this is where this particular story stops, and so for now this is the end. A happy ending for everyone, with Emmett and Rosalie and Daisy being a family and Alice and Jasper heading off on some great adventures of their own in New York. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has read this and taken the time to comment – you are all seriously amazing and I love you for loving what I write!
> 
> While this is the final chapter of the main story arc I do have an extra chapter for everyone who wanted Rosalie and Emmett to get their very much and wanted and hoped for pregnancy– be careful what you wish for I guess! It should be up in a couple of days (or whenever I finish it, it’s getting kind of long) and so I won’t mark this completed until after that’s done.


	23. Extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something fun for everyone who wanted Emmett and Rosalie to get pregnant too!

“I think it’s done…Emmett? Do you think it’s done? Is it okay? Or does it need more?”

I spin my stool a little closer to the big chair and lean over to check. I’m not sure who’s sweating more – Liam, my new apprentice who has just done his first piece on human skin, or his dad who bravely volunteered to be the guinea pig.

I snap on some gloves and wipe off some extra blood. Liam’s been a little heavy handed in parts and there’s more bruising than I’d like, but for a first attempt it’s more than acceptable. “You did good, pal. Leave it at that…well done.”

Liam exhales and leans back, wiping his sweaty forehead and beaming at his dad. “My first one! What do you reckon, Dad?”

“It looks great,” his dad answers, grinning as he reaches out and hugs him. “You did a good job - I barely even felt it!”

Well, that’s being kind, his dad was looking pretty pale for a while there! “Finish cleaning it up and cover it,” I say hastily. “And change your gloves since you touched your hair.”

I watch Liam carefully clean and cover the new ink, making sure he follows all the procedures for avoiding infection, and then I make him talk his dad through the aftercare process. He’s heard the spiel a lot and does a pretty good job, and when he’s finished I encourage him to take a photo of his work and then I snap a photo of the two of them together.

“I’m going to leave you to clean up now,” I say, glancing up at the clock. “Do it all _properly_ and get Jonah to check it once you’re done. I’ve got to get to the gym to pick up Daisy. I’ll see you tomorrow…and seriously, well done on your first ink!”

I speak briefly to Jonah, working on a sleeve in the next room, and then get in the minivan and head across town to the gym. Lots of classes run on Saturday mornings and the floor and equipment is busy, but even in the crowd I spot Daisy right away, up on the high beam with the rest of her group.

I love watching my daughter. She’s tiny, like Alice, all long spider limbs and leotards that sag in the butt or gape at the arms no matter what size we buy her. She looks like Jasper, with the same serious face and strong cheekbones and sharp jaw, but the focus and determination that she approaches life with is all Rosalie. I love the interplay of nature and nurture I’ve seen in watching her grow, and I love the way her own fierce and beautiful personality shines through it all.

Right now Daisy’s focus is all on her gymnastics. She’s been here for three hours already but even when the class ends and the other girls all scatter to the locker room and their waiting parents, she stays on the beam and goes back to twisting herself into a pretzel. Skirting the uneven bars I cross the gym to the beam.

“Hey Daisy bug, you ready to go home?”

“Can I just show you what we did today? Please?” She brushes the stray wisps of hair off her face and grins at me.

“If it’s okay with Diana.” I glance her teacher. “They might need the beam for the next group.”

Diana nods. “Go ahead Daisy, show your dad.” She stands beside me, watching intently as Daisy does her thing, and says, “I saw she’s signed up for the summer sessions we’re running – that’s great, I was hoping she would.”

I shrug. “She’d rather do this than anything else.”

“Mmmm. We’ll have to have a talk about what your plans are for her gymnastics next year too. It’s probably time we looked at how serious she is about it all.”

“How serious she is?” I look at Diana blankly. “She’s seven years old.” Sure, Daisy’s gone from messing about tumbling and playing in the foam pit as a three year old to being here three days a week risking life and limb doing fancy tricks, but I didn’t realise that meant we were getting _serious._

Diana laughs. “I know. But she’s nearly eight, and that’s an age at when a lot of girls start stepping it up. Daisy’s got a lot of natural talent, she loves it, and she’s got a work ethic that’s pretty unusual for her age. I’d like to have her in our mini elite program next year. Anyway, I figured we can see how she goes practising more often over summer sessions and talk about moving her into a new training group in the fall.”

Daisy flings herself off the end of the beam and lands crookedly, falling hard onto her butt. “Oh, damn!”

“Watch your mouth,” I say, lightly.

“Can I try again?” Daisy begs. “Please? Can we stay for just a bit more?”

I shake my head. “Sorry, not today kiddo.” I reach out and help her up, swinging her up into my arms just so I can give her a hug. “We’ve got to get home; Edward and Bella are coming over to look after you guys so Mom and I can go out.” I wave goodbye to Diana and carry Daisy over to the side where she usually leaves her bag. “Get your gear on.”

Daisy slips a pair of leggings and a t-shirt on over her leotard and then sits down to pull on her sneakers and socks. “Where are you and Mom going?”

“Just out for lunch somewhere.” I hand Daisy her water bottle and lead her out to the car.

“Why can’t we come?” Daisy says, scrambling into her booster seat and reaching for her seatbelt.

I look at the four other empty carseats in the minivan and snort. “Because Mom and Dad want to spend some together without all you little monsters! We haven’t been out just the two of us since before the little twins were born. We want to go to a restaurant that doesn’t involve crayons for once.” I tickle her ribs.

“But you like crayons!” Daisy giggles. “You draw more than anyone!”

I laugh and get into the drivers seat. “You’re right, I do. But I love your mom and I want to take her somewhere nice today. You can help Edward and Bella look after the boys and Eliza.”

When we reach home I park over by the side of the house, careful to avoid the bikes abandoned in the driveway. Daisy runs straight to the house, but I take a detour towards the fence to say hi to Clementine. I’m scratching her whiskery chin when five year old Noah sidles around the oak tree near the fence and smiles at me engagingly.

“Hi Daddy!”

Now, that’s a look I’ve seen before. “What are you up to?” I say, suspiciously. “Where’s Mac?” I stoop down and give him a hug.

“Nothing’s broken,” Noah says hastily, and I look past him and see the edge of a ladder, leaning up against the massive oak growing at the edge of the yard.

“Is that the builders’ ladder?” We’ve had a construction crew out over the past couple of months, building an extension onto the house that will add a master bedroom and bathroom as well as an extra living area, and also converting the attic space to bedrooms. They’re doing great work, but they’re also always leaving crap all over the yard and that’s a real hazard with twins who attract trouble like magnets. “Mom and I have told you not to touch any of their stuff!”

“Bill put the ladder there!” Noah protests. “Our Frisbee got stuck and he put the ladder there and climbed up to get it for us. And then one of the other guys called him and I guess he just forgot to take it away.”

“And you just thought you’d climb it?”

“Well, not me,” Noah squirms. “It’s kind of high…”

“But Mac doesn’t think so.” I finish for him, gazing up into the tree and seeing, high above my head, some blue jeans and red sneakers that I am presuming belong to my son. My heart skips a beat. I’m a pretty laid back dad generally, but Mac’s only five years old and he must be fifty feet up in the air. If he slips and falls he’ll kill himself. “McCarty Hale-Cullen, you get down out of that tree!”

“Aww but Dad, I don’t wanna …” his voice drifts down and now I can’t even see his sneakers.

“Down! NOW!” I yell. “And _carefully_!”

I watch anxiously until I see him appear, lowering himself back down through the trees. At one point he slips and I have to bite my tongue not to say anything, but he catches himself and keeps climbing doggedly down. He stops on the lowest branch, which is still above my head, and glares at me balefully.

“I could have got right to the top,” he says. “If YOU hadn’t made me stop.”

“Yeah well, you could have fallen and broken your neck,” I say. “I don’t mind you climbing on the trees down by the river but this one is way too high. Are you coming down the ladder or do you want to jump and I’ll catch you?”

“Jump,” Mac says, and hurls himself off the branch and into my arms.

“Oof.” He’s a solid little kid, and once I catch him I heft him up in my arms and give him a hug, picking some leaves out of his curly dark hair. “Don’t do that again kiddo. You know you’re not allowed to touch the builders’ stuff.”

Rosalie meets us as we go into the house and hands me a baby, who is red-cheeked and gnawing furiously on his fist. “Guess who cut his first tooth this morning? And guess how Mommy found out?”

I swing the baby up and he grins at me, showing me the sharp, shiny new tooth that’s cut through his red gums. A long string of drool hangs from his chin. “Hey Thing One, have you been biting your mom? Are you a vampire baby?”

I have to look twice at the baby to know which one I have. Zeke. The big twins are fraternal, the result of two embryos implanted via IVF, and have looked different from the day they were born. The little twins are the result of our final roll of the IVF dice, where we implanted our last single frozen embryo and crossed our fingers. We were pretty resigned to it not working, as the embryo was of such dubious quality that they almost wrote it off, but somehow it not only implanted but split into babies so identical that for the first four months of their lives we had to colour code them with Sharpie dots on their hands so we could tell them apart. At six months there are a few differences, but it sometimes takes a second glance to be sure.

“I was nursing him,” Rosalie tells me with a grimace. “I screamed so loudly that the builder came into see what was wrong…he certainly got an eyeful. I also think I traumatised Zeke with the screaming, but hopefully he’s not going to bite me again!” She looks down at Noah and Mac. “What have you two been up to?”

“Nothin’ Mommy,” they say in unison, disappearing hastily towards the living room.

Rosalie raises an eyebrow at me. “Do I want to know? Do I _need_ to know?”

“Nah.” I grin. “Nothing’s broken and no one’s hurt, so you don’t need to worry. We should probably have a word with the builder about keeping better track of his ladders though.”

Rosalie makes a face. “Don’t even tell me…Mac is an absolute menace,” she sighs. “Bill was doing skirting boards and window trim up in the attic today, so there was a lot of noise and Bram and Zeke didn’t sleep. Between tiredness and teeth it was a bad morning!”

I give her a hug, running a hand down her back and kissing her head. “Well, we get to leave them all with Edward and Bella this afternoon and go out, just the two of us…”

“Mmmm.” Rosalie lifts her face to mine and kisses me. “I can’t wait! Edward and Bella should be here soon, so do you mind giving the kids some lunch while I have a shower? Then we should be able to put the little ones down for a nap before we leave.”

“I’d rather have a shower with you,” I say, kissing her back. “But duty calls.”

I carry Zeke into the kitchen, scooping up a grizzling Bram as I pass him in the living room, and settle both of them in high chairs with some frozen fruit teethers. For the big kids I make some pb&js and cut up a bunch of fruit before I call them to the table. They’ve only just started eating when we hear a car out in the driveway, and a moment later Edward, Bella and their daughter Eliza come into the kitchen too.

“Hey, thanks for this,” I say. I reach out to Eliza, being carried on Bella’s hip, and gently tug her wispy red ponytail. “Do I get a hug from my girl?”

Eliza giggles and reaches over, wrapping her chubby arms around me. I hug her back and pretend to chomp on her neck. Eliza is two and I look after her one day a week with my boys while Bella works, so we’re good buddies. I put her down at the table and give her a plate, throwing some strawberries on it before Noah can eat them all.

“Do you want some lunch?” I ask Edward and Bella. “You can help yourself if you do – sorry, I’ve got to get this in to the little dudes.” I pull some of Rosalie’s home blended baby food out of the microwave and stir it quickly before pulling a chair up and beginning to spoon it in to the two waiting, open mouths.

“We’re fine,” Bella says. “Do you want me to feed one of those babies?”

“Yes, brilliant,” I say, immediately handing her a spoon and shoving Bram’s high chair towards her. If there is one thing I have learned from having two sets of twins, it’s to take help whenever it’s offered! “They didn’t nap this morning so they should go down after lunch and sleep for a couple of hours. There’s frozen breastmilk you can heat up for them when they wake up, and Rose and I will be back by dinner. You know where everything is…just try and keep the big twins alive I guess.” I grin at the kids. “Don’t give Bella and Edward any trouble!”

“Which baby is which?” Edward asks, looking from Bram to Zeke and back again.

“Bram is blue and he’s Thing Two!” Daisy, Mac and Noah chime in, giggling.

“But you don’t draw on them anymore,” Edward protests. “Neither of them have blue dots on their hands!”

“Well Bram is wearing stripes and Zeke here has dinosaurs. And also has a tooth now, although that difference will probably last all of five minutes given Bram’s crankiness and drooling.” I grin at Edward and hand him the rubber baby spoon. “Besides, they both answer to the name Thing, so you’ll be fine. Here, if you can finish feeding Zeke I’ll go and change so Rosalie and I can get going.”

In our bedroom, Rosalie is wearing only a bra and underpants and has a small but growing pile of rejected outfits tossed onto the bed as she furiously rummages through what remains in the closet. “I don’t have anything to wear!”

“You’ll look beautiful in anything,” I say sincerely, slinging my t-shirt into the hamper and reaching past her for a clean shirt.

“But nothing fits!” Rosalie sounds near tears as she pulls a pair of black trousers up over her hips. “I thought I lost all the baby weight, but I can’t even button my good pants! How am I still so fat?”

“You’re not…” I pause for a moment, half in and half out of my shirt, and look at her. Because Rosalie _isn’t_ fat – any extra fullness from the pregnancy has long since disappeared in the demands of breastfeeding babies and parenting five kids. Sure, nursing twins has given her a great set of boobs, but the rest of her body is leaner than it was before the little twins were born. Looking at her in her bra I can see a shadow of ribs and the lumps of vertebrae down her spine. Really, if anything I’d say she’s a little _too_ thin.

Except there is actually no way those pants are going to button up over the bulge in her lower belly. A bulge that, now that I’m looking at is, is kind of terrifyingly familiar.

“Umm, Rosa-girl? You haven’t, like, had a period in a while…”

“I’m nursing and pumping twenty-five hours a day and night, of course I haven’t…” Rosalie’s head whips around to stare at me, aghast. “No!”

“I know, it’s crazy, but…” I shrug helplessly. “Forget it. Wear something else.”

“The idea of it is _beyond_ crazy!” Rosalie tries futilely to pull her pants closed, her face panicked. “Fuck!”

She grabs my hand and drags me across the hall into the bathroom, slamming the door behind us and rifling desperately through the cabinet until she finds a pregnancy test, leftover from years of trying to conceive. And then I know _exactly_ how freaked out she is, because for the first time in the entire eighteen years we’ve been together, Rosalie yanks down her pants and pees in front of me. I’ve seen her throw up, I’ve seen her give birth, I’ve even helped her express milk from engorged breasts, but for whatever reason using the toilet has always been her line in the sand. Until today.

I shove a pile of colourful boats and naked Barbie dolls off the side of the tub and sink down on to it, holding the plastic stick Rosalie passes to me while she wipes her ass and pulls up her pants. My hands are shaking. After nine years of infertility and six tries with IVF I know how to read a pregnancy test, and there’s no mistaking this one. It is absolutely, definitely, no doubt-about-it positive.

“I can’t even look,” she mutters. “This cannot be happening. Tell me that I’m panicking over nothing. Tell me that I’m just fat!”

I clear my throat. “Well, I _could_ tell you that but…”

“No. No, no NO!” Rosalie stares wildly at the pregnancy test that I’m holding out towards her. “What. The. FUCK?!?!?! I have six months old twins! I CANNOT be pregnant again! How did this happen? WHEN did this happen? How pregnant am I?”

“Umm, are you guys okay in there?” Edward says tentatively from outside the door. “The kids have finished lunch; do you want me to change the babies’ diapers and put them in their crib?”

Rosalie flings open the door. “How pregnant am I?” she demands of Edward, cupping her hands around the swelling of her lower abdomen. “Apparently I’m pregnant, and I have no idea when this could have happened! What does this look like to you?”

“What the…?” Abruptly confronted by Rosalie wearing only a pink lace bra and unbuttoned pants and shoving her belly towards him, Edward steps back so hastily he trips over an abandoned soccer ball and nearly falls into the wall. He looks utterly horrified, and I have to fight back a wild desire to laugh. “How would I know?”

“You’re a doctor!”

“I’m not an OB!” Edward exclaims. “Don’t you keep track of these things?”

“Keep track of WHAT?” Rosalie cries. “I haven’t had a period since before I got pregnant with Bram and Zeke! I spend like twelve hours a day breastfeeding and pumping, so it’s not like I should have got pregnant even if I COULD get pregnant by myself…which I can’t! Or at least, I never have! Oh my god…” she covers her face with her hands. “I’ve barely even gone back to work after my maternity leave and I’m pregnant AGAIN…I’m going to have THREE babies…I cannot BELIEVE this is happening.” She pushes blindly past Edward and heads towards our room.

“This is…something else,” Edward says. “You don’t have any idea when this could have happened?” He looks at me quizzically. “I mean, I don’t want to be rude or anything, but you have five kids, including six month old twins…how did you find the _time_?”

“Priorities,” I say to him, with a burst of semi-hysterical laughter. “It’s just a matter of priorities…holy fuck Edward, what am I going to DO?”

“Have another baby, it would seem,” Edward says with a bemused grin. “I might not be an OB, but even to a casual observer she looks fairly obviously pregnant. It’s hard to know though, women often show earlier in subsequent pregnancies and Rosalie did just have twins six months ago – how far along do you think she could be? How did you not notice?”

I shrug helplessly. “Well, the twins are six months old. It was an easy birth, they were pretty small, we probably waited…four weeks maybe? I know they say six, but she was feeling good and…so I suppose anything from around five months to a few weeks? Fucking hell.” I swallow hard. “As for not noticing- I don’t know! I mean, as you pointed out we have five kids, including two babies who still sleep in our room, so it’s not like we’re going for marathon sessions here! Sex tends to be pretty quick right now. And she was self conscious about her belly after the twins were born and didn’t want me to touch it, so I guess I didn’t.”

“And you didn’t take any precautions? Breastfeeding can inhibit ovulation, but there’s no guarantee. No other birth control?”

I roll my eyes. “Edward, come on. Do I have to remind you that Daisy’s adopted and the boys are only here because of a whole lot of high-tech medical assistance? Birth control isn’t exactly something we’ve needed to worry about, you know?” I look at him beseechingly. “I know you’re not an OB, but you are a doctor; can’t you just take a look and see if you can guess how far along she is? Because, that could be anything from six weeks with some serious bloat to five months…”

Edward shakes his head. “Emmett, I love you and I love Rosalie, but I’m not going to even attempt to date her pregnancy. I’m a surgeon – if she wants a caesarean section you can call me up, but I haven’t done an obstetric exam since I was a resident.” He hesitates. “Look, what I can do if you want, is take you over the hospital and get a quick, unofficial, ultrasound done. Rosalie will have to make an appointment with her OB for the rest, but at least we can get an idea of dates for you.”

“So much for my hot date this afternoon,” I sigh. “But thanks – that would be great. Bella won’t mind staying with all the kids?”

“I’ll talk to her,” Edward says. “You go see if Rosalie wants to go to the hospital and check it out.”

Rosalie is sitting on our bed, still wearing only her bra and unbuttoned pants, and looking shell-shocked. I sit beside her and put an arm around her shoulders, and after a moment she leans into me and takes the positive pregnancy test out of my hand.

“I can’t believe this,” she mutters. “How many of these tests have I used over the years? How many negatives that I would have given anything to see turn positive? And now I have a positive, and it feels like the whole world has fallen out from under my feet.”

I kiss the side of her head. “I love you. We’ll figure it out.”

“Emmett, the little twins are six months old – for all we know I could be five months pregnant and we could have three babies under a year old!” Rosalie buries her face against my chest. “I can’t do this.”

“We’ll figure it out,” I repeat, stroking her hair. “You’re a great mom; whatever happens we can make it work. Now, Edward offered to take us and get an ultrasound done this afternoon. Nothing fancy, just to give us a rough idea how far along you are – do you want to do that?”

“Do you mind?” Rosalie looks at me. “I know we were supposed to go out for a date afternoon, but I’ll never be able to relax and enjoy myself with this hanging over my head.”

“Of course I don’t mind,” I say tenderly. “We haven’t been on a date for seven months, what does it matter if we put it off another couple of weeks? There’s always our sofa at home and some Netflix and beer.”

“Oh, that sounds like a hot date,” Rosalie says, but at least she’s laughing now. “And Netflix and chill is probably what got us into this situation in the first place!”

“Well, can’t get you pregnant twice!” I say cheerfully, and then break into my own slightly unhinged laughter. “Fucking hell, this is really not where I thought my day was going! Look, get dressed and I’ll put the babies down for a nap so we can go to the hospital.”

In the kitchen Bella is wiping messy baby faces. “So…congratulations?” she says to me with a giggle.

“Don’t know about congratulations,” I say, unbuckling Bram and lifting him out. “Maybe commiserations would be more appropriate? It’s not like we don’t already have our hands full with you and the rest, Thing Two, is it?” I snuggle the baby closer and he rests his head against my shoulder. “Bella, are you really okay to mind all the kids while Edward takes us to the hospital? The little ones will nap for a while, but I don’t know how long we’ll be.”

“I’ll be fine,” Bella says confidently, passing Zeke into my other arm. “Don’t worry about us.”

I carry both babies down to my bedroom and drop them onto the bed. Rosalie, now wearing a t-shirt and elastic waisted pants, grabs one and we both change a diaper before laying them gently in the crib. Unlike Mac and Noah, who were belting each other up in the womb, Bram and Zeke have always slept better when they’re together. Even as Rosalie draws the curtains to bring the room into darkness the two of them shuffle along until they’re lying with limbs tangled, eyelids heavy with sleep. I brush my hand over both their backs and then step quietly out of the room.

In the hallway I find Mac bouncing a ball off the front door, and I trap it under my foot and rumple his hair. “If you want to play ball you need to take it outside. Mommy and I are going out this afternoon with Edward, but Bella is going to stay here with you guys. I need you to be good, okay? No ladders, no going down to the river, no fighting with Noah…got it?”

Mac nods, and I kick the ball gently back towards him. In the living room Daisy has organised Noah and Eliza into drawing at the coffee table with her, and I give each of them kisses and hugs and make them promise to be good before Edward, Rosalie and I leave.

“I’ll drive you in our car,” Edward says, glancing at our two minivans. “Yours are too full of carseats.”

“We’ll need _another_ one,” Rosalie says. “Six carseats…people with think I’m a religious fundamentalist.” She lapses back into stunned silence.

At the hospital, Edward parks Rosalie and I in a waiting area and disappears for a while to try and arrange something. He returns with a bottle of water that he hands to Rosalie, and then takes a seat opposite.

“Drink that,” he tells her. “They’ll call us when they have a moment, but it might be a bit of a wait.”

Rosalie takes a long swallow of water. “Over nine and a half years,” she says blankly. “That’s how long we’ve been having unprotected sex. That’s like…one hundred and sixteen months. All the sex in the world, all the charting and timing and hoping, and it took one hundred and sixteen months to get pregnant.”

Edward smiles in sudden amusement. “Well, you were pregnant twice in that time.”

“True.” Rosalie acknowledges. “Thanks to science though! So I was pregnant twice and I made it to eight months both times, so we can cut sixteen months off that. And I didn’t have my period for another eight months after the big twins were born, so we could probably subtract another eight. Although of course I haven’t had my period this time either, and yet here we are. But apart from that…doing the math it’s probably fair to say that there were at least ninety months where we could have got pregnant naturally, and didn’t.”

“I can understand your shock, when you put it like that.” Edward raises his eyebrows.

Rosalie shakes her head in disbelief. “I just don’t understand how this has happened! Why am I pregnant NOW, after we’ve spent thousands of dollars on IVF and are already completely overwhelmed with the five children we have? Why couldn’t this have happened at…basically…ANY other time in those nine and a half years? You know, before we spent all our money, and when I might have felt equipped to deal with another baby?” Her lip quivers and she sinks into a gloomy silence.

I don’t know what to say. All I’ve ever wanted is the life I have right now, with Rosalie and the babies, but the truth is that we’ve got our hands full. We never planned on five kids, let alone six- after having the big twins we only implanted single embryos in an effort to have a singleton pregnancy and keep it to four. The little twins were a big surprise and, even as we welcomed them with open arms, it’s been fucking hard work. Not to mention the financial strain. Rosalie makes good money, but I don’t earn enough to make paying four lots of daycare fees worthwhile and so my work is only part time and my contribution to the family purse negligible. We’ve used up our savings on IVF and borrowed money from Rosalie’s parents for the extension and remodelling of the house, after deciding seven people in three bedrooms and a single bathroom just wasn’t going to work. I’d been hoping to work more once Mac and Noah join Daisy at school in the fall, but another baby makes that look unlikely. I find myself biting on my knuckles and wondering what kind of crazy joke fate is playing on us now.

“Edward? I can get you guys in now.”

“Thanks.” Edward stands up and gestures. “This is Rosalie and Emmett…this is Brandon.”

I say hi and follow the young man through a couple of corridors and into a small room, where Rosalie is directed to hop up on the table.

“So, just a quick dating ultrasound?” Brandon asks.

“Yes.” Edward moves towards the door. “Rosalie hasn’t had a period since before her last pregnancy, so the date range is pretty wide open here. I’ll just wait outside.”

“You may as well stay,” Rosalie says wearily, sliding her t-shirt up over her belly and slipping her pants down over her hips. “Not much point in privacy now.”

“How old’s your baby?” Brandon asks Rosalie, squeezing the gel onto her stomach and switching on the ultrasound machine.

“Six months. Twins…oh my god,” Rosalie’s face contorts in fear. “Please tell me there’s only one in there.”

Brandon laughs and places the scanner against Rosalie’s belly. “Well, let’s take a look…yep, there’s a baby. Just one! But you’re going to be one busy mom pretty soon, because you’re definitely into your second trimester here. Let me do some measurements and we can be a bit more accurate with that though.”

Without taking my eyes off the screen I reach out and take Rosalie’s hand, and she closes her fingers around mine. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen it now, the magic of seeing my unborn baby still makes my heart fly. Even this one, such a complete and maybe not even fully welcome little surprise – oh, nothing else matters but the love that rushes through me, pure and primal and forever.

_Hey little baby…I can’t wait to meet you._

Rosalie’s grip on my hand is so tight it almost hurts, and the tears are slipping silently down her cheeks. But I see her face and I know her heart, and I know with absolute certainty that already this little surprise has found a place there.

“Baby’s measuring around eighteen weeks,” Brandon says. “I’d put your due date sometime around the first week of November.”

Six weeks before Bram and Zeke’s first birthday. We’re going to have three under a year old…holy shit.

Brandon keeps moving the scanner over Rosalie’s belly, and I watch the screen with the same awe that I did when it was Daisy, eight years ago. The timing might be all wrong, and the idea of six kids is terrifying…but that this life has grown out of the love between Rosalie and I feels like nothing short of a miracle.

“You’ll need to make an appointment with your OB and get a full anatomy scan done, but so far it all looks okay to me,” he says. “Do you want to know the sex?”

“It’s a girl, isn’t it?” Rosalie is smiling through the tears. “I’m not a sonographer, but I’ve had a thousand ultrasounds with two sets of boy twins and I know what I’m _not_ seeing this time...oh Emmett, it’s a girl.”

“Correct.” Brandon prints out a strip of pictures. “Here’s some picture proof of it! And Edward tells me this was a surprise, but congratulations guys.”

“Thank you.” Rosalie wipes all the gel off her stomach and pulls her clothes back into place. “I really appreciate this.”

“I owe you one,” Edward says to Brandon, and then reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “Another girl.”

“I guess Daisy gets the sister she wanted when Zeke and Bram were on the way,” I say, before kissing Rosalie’s head. “Let’s go home and tell her.”

We swing by the donut shop on our way, and when I walk in with the sugary scented boxes I’m greeted as effusively as if we’ve been gone for years. I hand them round to the older kids, while Rosalie takes a baby and sits in the armchair, lifting her shirt as he makes wide-mouthed lunges at her boobs.

“How did it go?” Bella jiggles an increasingly unhappy Bram, who keeps trying to lurch out of her arms towards his mom. “Come on baby, wait your turn.”

Bram’s voice rises to a shriek, and Rosalie sighs. “Never mind, I’ll feed them both at the same time.” She takes him from Bella and after some juggling gets both of them latched on, grimacing uncomfortably as they get themselves settled.

“Are you okay to be doing that?” I ask uncertainly. “Should you be nursing when you’re pregnant?”

Rosalie laughs. “Well, it’s not any more of a problem than it was for the past four months when we didn’t know,” she points out. She gives Bella a half embarrassed smile. “It turns out Mother Nature has a sense of humour…after nine and a half years of infertility, we’re eighteen weeks along with baby number six.”

“You might have to let go of the infertility word,” I say. “After you’ve given birth to five kids, it doesn’t seem all that applicable.”

Daisy stops eating, her donut halfway up to her mouth and powdered sugar like a little moustache on her upper lip. “Are you having a baby? _Another_ one?”

“Yeah. And guess what? It’s a girl! So after four little brothers, you’re going to get a baby sister around Halloween.” I pull the strip of ultrasound photos from Rosalie’s purse and show it to her.

Mac and Noah look up. “A new baby? Will it be Thing Three?”

“If you want her to be,” I laugh. “She’ll be a bit smaller than Bram and Zeke though.”

Daisy shoves the rest of her donut in her mouth and tosses the picture aside, sliding off the sofa and stomping away to her room. I look over at Rosalie, who shrugs.

“Maybe you should go and talk to her?”

I hand Rosalie the remainder of my chocolate iced donut and head down to Daisy’s room, knocking on her closed door. “Mind if I come in?”

“If you want to.”

Daisy’s sitting on her bed, holding her New York snow globe and watching the glitter swirl. She looks small and cranky and sad, and my heart goes out to her.

“Maybe I’ll move to New York with Alice and Jasper,” she says. “They have gymnastics there too.”

I push aside some of the forty stuffed animals arranged on her bed and sit down beside her. “I guess a new baby isn’t what you wanted, huh?”

“We don’t need another baby,” she says.

“Well, _need’s_ a strong word…” I brush her hair back from her face. “But need it or not, she’s coming. I thought you’d be happy to have a sister? You’re always saying there’s too many boys around here.”

Daisy’s lower lip trembles. “She’ll be your real daughter.”

“What, instead of a fake daughter like you?” I immediately regret my flippancy when I see Daisy’s eyes well up with tears, and I scoop her up and hold her tight. “Little bug, you are the realest daughter in the world.”

“I’m not though! You just adopted me because you couldn’t have your own kids and now Mom’s having a million babies and even a girl and you don’t need me at all!” Daisy buries her face in my chest and sobs.

“Oh, baby girl…” I say tenderly, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her shaking back. “We could have a thousand more kids and it wouldn’t change the fact that you were our first. It doesn’t matter whether you grew in Mom’s belly or not, you’ve always been exactly what we wanted and needed…you’re ours, little bug, and I don’t ever want you to think any different.”

Daisy wipes her nose on my sleeve. “I don’t like being the only different one.”

“Different is just another way of saying special,” I say, swiping my thumb across the tears staining her cheeks. “And adoption is just a different way of making a family. But it’s still a real family, and it’s still just as good. Believe me…I know it from both sides! Carlisle and Esme adopted me, and then I adopted you.” I lean forward and rub noses with my daughter. “And I wouldn’t change that for anything. I love you little bug.”

Daisy sighs, but she’s smiling. “I love you too. But we’re really going to have a LOT of babies in this house!”

“I know. You’re not really going to run away to New York are you? I’m sure you’ll like having a sister, and I’d really miss you if you weren’t here.”

“Well…maybe I’ll wait and see. And another girl will make our family more even. Because it wasn’t really fair when it was you and Mac and Noah and Bram and Zeke and just me and Mommy. Now there’ll be a sister…will she have a flower name too, like me?”

I pause. “I don’t know. What do you think?”

“Maybe. We can think about it.” Daisy looks across at the forest animal mural I painted on her wall before she was born. “I guess the baby could have this room when the builders are finished and I get my new attic room. This animal painting is really good but maybe kind of babyish for me now that I’m almost in third grade. You’ll paint my new room for me?”

“Sure. Do you still want an under the sea kind of thing? I did some drawings for you, with fish and mermaids and an octopus- you can pick what bits you like.” I give her another hug. “I really do love you little bug. How about we go and see if they’ve left us any donuts?”

Holding hands we head back into the living room, where I manage to snag the last donut right out from under Edward’s hand. I break it in half and give the big share to Daisy, who climbs up on to the tiny sliver of Rosalie’s lap that’s not occupied by babies.

“Are you okay?” Rosalie asks gently. She disentangles Bram and I stoop down and take him from her, sitting him down on the floor with some toys. Rosalie hands Zeke after him and then pulls Daisy into a hug. “I guess we kind of sprung that on you, didn’t we?”

“I was just surprised.” Daisy feeds Rosalie a bite of donut. “Are you happy?”

“I was pretty surprised too!” Rosalie strokes Daisy’s hair. “I didn’t really expect this to happen. But I am happy – after all, how could I not want another daughter when my first girl is so amazing?”

The smile Daisy gives her could light up the world, and once again I feel my heart fill. It wasn’t always easy, but damn I’ve been lucky.

Edward, Bella and Eliza stay and hang out for what remains of the afternoon, watching the game and laughing. I make fajitas for dinner and then they leave and Rosalie and I move through the evening routine, getting the kids organised to tidy up and then baths and stories and into bed. I leave Rosalie nursing the little twins to sleep in our room and clean the kitchen, and then finally settle onto the sofa with a beer, switching on the tv. A short time later Rosalie comes out and joins me with a yawn.

“Hey beautiful girl.” I wrap my arms around her, fitting my body against hers and laying a gentle kiss against her lips. She smells like baby bath wash and breastmilk.

“What a day,” she sighs.

“For sure. You feeling okay? Getting used to the idea of another baby?” I run my hands through her hair.

“No, it still seems crazy!” Rosalie laughs. “Six children eight years old and under is ridiculous! I’ll be like the old women who lived in a shoe, with so many children she didn’t know what to do.”

“You’re a great mom; we’ll figure it all out.”

Rosalie stretches out against me. “I don’t know why you’re so relaxed about it; you’re the one who will stay home with them all when I go to work! Three babies under a year old is not exactly going to be a walk in the park.”

I laugh and grimace simultaneously. “Well, no. But at least Mac and Noah will be in school by then. Honestly, three babies probably can’t be much harder to deal with than the two babies and the two big boys are! Mac’s six kids’ worth of trouble on his own.”

“That’s true. Goodness knows I already feel a little bit sorry for the teacher who is going to be responsible for him in kindergarten.” Rosalie smiles ruefully. “Actually though, with this new pregnancy…honestly, I’m kind of embarrassed. I’m a smart, capable adult who should know better than to have an unplanned pregnancy! At least Alice was young and dumb when she got pregnant with Daisy – what’s my excuse?”

“Well, close to ten years of NOT getting pregnant without thousands of dollars, a fully equipped infertility lab and a whole bunch of people with degrees being involved did kind of lead us to believe that having sex without birth control was a pretty safe bet,” I murmur. “It wasn’t an _unreasonable_ assumption.”

“It’s also kind of mortifying that I got pregnant when the little twins were basically newborns,” Rosalie says. “Can we really not leave each other alone for five minutes? Do we have that little self-restraint?” Her voice is husky, and I feel her fingertips tracing my skin in a way that makes leaving her alone for more than five seconds look pretty unlikely.

My breath catches as she hooks her leg up over my hip, pressing herself against me in a way that makes my heart race. “What’s so good about self-restraint?” I say hoarsely. “And no, I actually don’t think I can leave you alone…or even if I could…I don’t want to…”

In the whole world there is nothing better than what we are together. Quietly, conscious of five sleeping kids down the hall, I give myself to her, committing once again to a lifetime of loving her. For over eighteen years we’ve belonged together, and as Rosalie wraps herself around me and we both fall into the bliss of it I know that I could not have asked for anything better.

Even if we do finish up on the floor, and I accidentally kick the Roarasaurus when I come and nearly give myself a heart attack when it bursts into wild, electronic roars.

Rosalie muffles her laughter against my chest. “Very erotic.”

“Damn, you’re lucky that didn’t give me an aneurysm,” I say, trying to catch my breath. “Won’t it be nice when the house extension is done and we have a bedroom that’s just ours again? Imagine the luxury of being able to have sex in a bed without worrying about waking babies two feet away.”

“Well, at least until this little one is born,” Rosalie says, her hand curving over her belly. She kisses my neck. “Are you _really_ okay with this new baby? I mean, six kids…it isn’t exactly what you signed up for.”

“I signed up for you,” I say simply. “And whatever comes with that.” I hold her close for a minute. “This is everything I ever wanted. You, our babies, this family…I love what we have. I love this life that we’ve built. Sure, another baby is going to be a bit more work, but she’s going to bring so much more than just that. And one day we’ll be old, and we’ll look at all of them and we’ll know that we did a good thing.”


End file.
